Justlivinglife Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Hello. I am separated and my daughter and I are living together. She has a guy friend who is 21. They aren't serious but hang out and talk a lot and its obvious there are some feelings there. My daughter is 19. Also, something else about myself: I apparently look very young for my age. It doesnt matter where I go, especially if my daughter and I are together, i am always being asked if we are sisters and how young i look. Even when we crossed the border back into the US from Canada the BP officer was wondering where the mom was. Ok, so with that, my problem is with this guy friend. I am always catching him staring at me. He usually looks down or away but there have been times when he hasn't... Sometimes especially with monopoly, he will touch or like rub my hand when we are exchanging money or dice, I act like I dont even notice. But then sometimes he will act nervous around me and act like he doesnt want to be in the same room with me without my daughter. But when we do converse it's always good conversation with lots of smiles. So, the other night after he had given my daughter and I some gifts (Christmas) and I had given him the one I had for him, the 3 of us were standing at the door saying bye and Merry Christmas. I gave him a side hug and he just stood there....but then he had this huge grin and red face but then immediately walked over to my daughter and have her a side hug. Then he left and I of course felt horrible. My daughter actually laughed about it. So, what does this all mean? What do I do ? What do I not do? I really have been trying to ignore all the little things even wondering if I'm just imagining things. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 If you're suspicion is that he has some feelings and/or romantic interest in you, that's probably correct. He's male and you're an attractive female - perfectly natural. It sounds like he's dropping hints in his own somewhat convoluted way. If you feel it's not appropriate, shut him down rather than accepting the attention (such as it is). If you want to try out a fling with a younger guy, well - you may have that option. It sounds like you would need to initiate. Also, it might get extremely awkward given that he's friends with your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Its interesting that you took so much time explaining how young you look when it's not really relevant to the thread. I believe on some levels you enjoy the idea of this kid being into you. I believe because of this you tend to put yourself in situations where he can Express his interest in very immature ways (he is just a kid btw). I'm not saying you want it to advance, I'm saying you are exactly taking yourself out of the equation. You need to make it a point for us to understand how young you look couples with the fact that you're no novice and getting rid of unwanted Male attention leads me to believe you enjoy the ego boost. Why? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 42 minutes ago, Justlivinglife said: So, what does this all mean? What do I do ? What do I not do? nothing, nothing, nothing 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Why are you hanging about with your daughter and her guy friend? Why are you inserting yourself into the "Bye at the door?" You are the Mom, leave the two of them well alone. As for looking young... Where is the Mom? You two look like sisters... It is all fairly standard patter. Few actually mean it... It is just something some people say to keep on the right side of older women... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 13 minutes ago, elaine567 said: As for looking young... Where is the Mom? You two look like sisters... It is all fairly standard patter. Few actually mean it... It is just something some people say to keep on the right side of older women... yep 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justlivinglife Posted December 24, 2019 Author Share Posted December 24, 2019 3 hours ago, DKT3 said: Its interesting that you took so much time explaining how young you look when it's not really relevant to the thread. I believe on some levels you enjoy the idea of this kid being into you. I believe because of this you tend to put yourself in situations where he can Express his interest in very immature ways (he is just a kid btw). I'm not saying you want it to advance, I'm saying you are exactly taking yourself out of the equation. You need to make it a point for us to understand how young you look couples with the fact that you're no novice and getting rid of unwanted Male attention leads me to believe you enjoy the ego boost. Why? I guess I should have worded things differently because really I dont and am not enjoying this. This is the first guy friend my daughter has had come over and so it's all new to me. The reason I explained so much about looking young was because I thought it was needed info, like maybe it's because of that,. I dont know. I'm single parenting it and was just looking for some thoughts. Not looking for the attention, would actually like to avoid it and any kind of confrontation. Also, new at getting on a forum... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justlivinglife Posted December 24, 2019 Author Share Posted December 24, 2019 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: Why are you hanging about with your daughter and her guy friend? Why are you inserting yourself into the "Bye at the door?" You are the Mom, leave the two of them well alone. As for looking young... Where is the Mom? You two look like sisters... It is all fairly standard patter. Few actually mean it... It is just something some people say to keep on the right side of older women... I understand what you're saying but it's not as it seems. I should have tried to explain better. I am single parenting and this is the first guy friend my daughter has had over like this and this all being new to me I was hoping for some insight. I'm not hanging out with them, when he comes over they are usually hanging around me or we are just all sitting in the living room or kitchen. And about the looking young I just mentioned it because I thought it was needed into but may have been wrong about that, and I completely get what you were saying about that too it's just that seriously it doesn't matter where we go, new church, job, meeting new people, everyone always thinks we are sisters so much that it gets annoying. But thanks for your reply anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 I doubt you are imagining things because it does sound like he is into you. I would allow yourself to be flattered by the situation but steer clear of returning any attention back to him to save yourself from some unwanted drama. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Look the fact that u-pass for younger doesn't change the fact that you are the adult in this situation and need to act like it. Any tiny boundary he crosses you need to take him aside and straighten him out. My daughter cares about you, and you need to stop staring at me because it's making everyone uncomfortable. I'm old enough to be your mother. Don't make me have to call her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Also, the fact that you say you are frequently mistaken for a sister tells me you are not dressing appropriately for your age and status. Don't dress like a teenager. Dress like a mom. Don't wear anything that shows any cleavage or much skin around her friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justlivinglife Posted December 24, 2019 Author Share Posted December 24, 2019 8 minutes ago, preraph said: Also, the fact that you say you are frequently mistaken for a sister tells me you are not dressing appropriately for your age and status. Don't dress like a teenager. Dress like a mom. Don't wear anything that shows any cleavage or much skin around her friends. Yes, I dress very modestly thank you and so does my daughter 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 But are you dressing alike? Because you know how teens the sort of dress like each other. So it's great that you're modest dressing, but if you and your daughter are dressing so much alike that you look like twins it kind of amounts to the same type of reaction from people. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justlivinglife Posted December 24, 2019 Author Share Posted December 24, 2019 8 minutes ago, preraph said: But are you dressing alike? Because you know how teens the sort of dress like each other. So it's great that you're modest dressing, but if you and your daughter are dressing so much alike that you look like twins it kind of amounts to the same type of reaction from people. Just a thought. I understand what you're saying but really I dont dress like a teen. Thanks for the thoughtful advise though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 He's probably attracted to you, maybe the mother-daughter fantasy has gone through his mind. However, I will assume that it isn't appropriate or what you want, and you should act to distance yourself from him a bit, and if necessary shut him down if he says or does anything inappropriate. He's there for your daughter (or should be). If easier, talk to your daughter and let her deal with him, since it's her relationship at stake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 (edited) 7 hours ago, elaine567 said: Why are you hanging about with your daughter and her guy friend? Why are you inserting yourself into the "Bye at the door?" You are the Mom, leave the two of them well alone. As for looking young... Where is the Mom? You two look like sisters... It is all fairly standard patter. Few actually mean it... It is just something some people say to keep on the right side of older women... Yepppp. All exactly what l was thinking. But especially the door thing , what are you even doing there. l think your subconsciously enjoying it and looking for trouble. You shouldn't even be in any of the situations you describe all that stuff is avoidable c'mon, you know how to stop and avoid it all if you really want too but your allowing it maybe even creating some of it. Edited December 24, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justlivinglife Posted December 24, 2019 Author Share Posted December 24, 2019 16 minutes ago, chillii said: Yepppp. All exactly what l was thinking. But especially the door thing , what are you even doing there. l think your subconsciously enjoying it and looking for trouble. You shouldn't even be in any of the situations you describe all that stuff is avoidable c'mon, you know how to stop and avoid it all if you really want too but your allowing it maybe even creating some of it Not what it seems. There because daughter wants me there. I've already gone over this in previous replys. By the way they are just wanting to be good friends and nothing more right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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