A s***ty Situation

[TooAccepting32]

So the whole family has a stomach flu and my husband's dried poop has been all over the toilet seat for days. He's not going to wipe it off until his diarrhea is gone but that means I don't get to sit on the toilet or I have to sit in his s*** (I'm sick too btw). I've politely told him about it a few times but it's like there's a problem with my standards and I know how the pattern with these things goes from here: I get frustrated and tell him sharply that there's s*** on the toilet and it's not cool that I can't sit down on it and then he's a victim of my hostility and unrealistic expectations. After 8 years of this pattern I'm starting to lose my sense for what might be a reasonable expectation and I feel like my needs and basic standards are hurtful and disturbing to others. This pattern extends to parenting and our whole life together. I feel like I can't really win. I've either got to put up with s*** or feel like a piece of s*** for disturbing the s***. 

 

Any words of wisdom to help me know what are reasonable expectations in a marriage and parenting partnership?

 

[PegNosePete]

It is a perfectly reasonable to expect a grown man to clean up his own poop so that others can use the loo.

 

When he next tells you that he's a victim of your hostility, tell him you#'re a victim of his poop and the "hostility" is entirely of his own creation (literally).

 

[alphamale]

make some tea and then watch a romcom on The Hallmark Channel

[preraph]

Having the stomach flu is no excuse not to go clean up your terrible mess you left. You need to let him have it. I'm afraid I would have already checked into a hotel by now or gone and spend the night with a friend or relative. Disgusting.

[Lotsgoingon]

I live with a bunch of guys ... and some leave the toilet messy from messy poops. 

 

I keep a roll of paper towels in the bathroom ... there's toilet cleaners nearby ... and I just clean when I see the poop stains ... I admit: the first time i did this ... I was pissed ...

 

Now, i just do it ... and don't have resentment .... but ... I can only go there because some of the stain leavers do other great stuff in the house ... all the time! ... that I don't do ... 

 

 

[mark clemson]

Suggest you tell him to clean up after himself without any guilt as it's a completely reasonable expectation that he do that. If/when he guilt trips you, explain calmly that it's a completely reasonable expectation, that sitting in other people's poo is not acceptable (how crazy does the converse of that sound, anyhow?) and that you expect him to do it. If you start yelling, apologize but explain that you're frustrated because this isn't something you should reasonably have to address multiple times.

 

Since you feel this sort of thing is pervasive in your marriage, consider MC.

[K.K.]

This reminds me of that episode of Everybody loves Raymond where Raymond left his suitcase on the staircase and it started to reek from the stinky socks he left inside. 

 

He wouldn’t move it because he expected Deborah to move it and she wouldn’t move it and it turned into some weird power play (sound familiar?) and it went on and on instead of somebody just moving it.

 

You ever see that one? 

 

Finally, after weeks they both realized how stupid they were being and they both rushed to move the suitcase and had make up sex ( since they wasted weeks being mad at each other). I can’t imagine good make up sex with Ray Barone but nonetheless. 

 

Yea ... this kind of reminds me of that. 

 

And you’re sitting in it too .. 

 

I would’ve just had a bottle of 409 at the get go when it was fresh so that you as his wife could’ve helped him in even that little tiny way when he’s sick as a dog already. 

 

But hey.. that’s just me. 

 

Woman, It’s going to be really hard to get that dried up s*** off now. 

 

 

 

 

[BaileyB]

Yeah, I would most definitely require that he clean toilet. That’s not acceptable, in my humble opinion. He is a grown man, not a child. And you are not his mother, or his maid.

Edited December 24, 2019 by BaileyB

[Kitty Tantrum]

I dunno, my experience with people who are lackadaisical about basic hygiene and cleanliness is that there's not much to be done for it. You either suck it up and accept that it's your responsibility because they honestly don't care, or you tell that person to take a hike because they're gross.

 

This is pretty gross. Does your husband understand that depending on what kind of bug it is, you can actually make it worse/last longer by basically wallowing in contaminated filth? Spread it around to everyone else, reinfect, etc.? When you have a respiratory infection you don't go around coughing on doorknobs and leaving your spit/snot there to dry. Or sneeze all over the box of communal tissues. Kind of the same deal.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, alphamale said:

make some tea and then watch a romcom on The Hallmark Channel

 

romcom....Hallmark?   You trying to make her feel worse? 😖

[alphamale]

57 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 

romcom....Hallmark?   You trying to make her feel worse? 😖

nope, just wanted her to take a break

[basil67]

I'm seeing two things wrong with this situation:

 

Yes, he's a pig and should clean his own poop as it happens.   But you have left it there and are making fights over it.   As a previous poster said, he is a pig and isn't going to change - and nor is he going to clean it.   So for the sake of having peace in the house and a clean toilet, isn't it wiser to clean it yourself and let it go?   

 

Honestly, either clean it up yourself or get divorce papers drawn up.

[alphamale]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Honestly, either clean it up yourself or get divorce papers drawn up.

 

third option is to sew his anus shut

[basil67]

A well placed tampon cold do the trick 

[alphamale]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

A well placed tampon cold do the trick 

indeed

[preraph]

How filthy must he himself be if he's been down on a toilet like that? He's dragging e coli all over the flipping house. You're not sharing a bed with him are you? If the toilets filthy, he's filthier. Next you're going to have to put him in diapers. He couldn't be acting any more like an infant. 

[carhill]

When I was M, the laundry room half bath was the 'hole'. One could sit on the toilet and shyte while one's head was in the sink puking. I started that up after my wife brought the Norwalk virus home from a trip to Florida. Thereafter, whoever was sick headed to the hole to relieve themselves. That left the two other bathrooms relatively virus free and the hole was relatively small and easy to clean. For myself, being a man, if I was sick I'd often use the shop bathroom. Hard to tell what was what in there. Just dump bleach around and hose it out occasionally and all was good. I finally gave up on the toilet and tossed it in the trash last week and put a new one in. Men are pigs. Congratulations!

[Poutrew]

You go to the nearest drug store and purchase a toilet seat insert. They make them for people who can't sit on regular toilets because they're too low. When you use the toilet, lift up the seat and put your inset on it and do your thing, then take off your insert, but leave the original seat up. Hopefully, he wont notice and get a hiney dunking which will both remind him to take care of his mess and clean the e-coli from his ass at the same time... win win situation, for sure.

Edited December 25, 2019 by Poutrew