Gossip and drama at work

[rockrchik]

I was working and had to turn something into my Assistant Manager, “Joe”. I haven't been in the position long- he seemed friendly and eager to work with me when I first started, but then seemed to cool off. We don’t really talk anymore and he seems to be avoiding me or only speaks to me when he has to.

 

When I went to turn something in, Joe was there hanging out with a young female intern and some other male coworkers. The male coworkers wouldn’t move out of the way when I tried to make my way to Joe and one of them looked at me as if I shouldn’t be there/gave me a funny look.

 

I was tired and stressed, so I’m not proud of myself about this next part. When Joe came back by me later on, I didn’t speak to him much. The next day, I was sarcastic and moody around him and he seemed confused. I left for a conference and didn't say much to him. I avoided him, but had to talk to him about work. Joe seemed like he didn't want to speak with me! Eventually we started talking again.

 

Now my coworkers think that I was jealous of the intern, when I was just upset at the male coworkers looking at me as if I don’t belong. Yes, maybe I was a little jealous that he was talking with the intern, but he barely says “Good morning” to me sometimes. 

 

But now even my boss will be obnoxious and mention the intern's name just to see if it gets a rise out of me. My other coworkers will join in sometimes.

 

Is there any way to stop this? Should I say something? Should I just let it go?

[preraph]

Don't let yourself get mooody at work. Don't let yourself entertain crushes at work. Keep your head down and do your job. Don't make reasons to go talk to him. Only talk to him when you have business or when you pass in the hall and just say hi. 

Act as if absolutely nothing is wrong. 

As far as those other guys go, people only fully you if you react to it. I'm thinking you were maybe too sensitive unless you're leaving a huge part of the story out. 

 

Be professional and expect them to be the same. Good luck.

[mark clemson]

Ignore it and presumably it goes away. Keep things as professional as possible...

[schlumpy]

It's tough to be friends with the boss which is what you want. It is not a good thing to have a friendship with someone who has the power to take away your job. Keep a low profile and concentrate on what you do. Why are you seeking him out to hand in your work? Doesn't he have secretary or an inbox? Was a discussion required on a specific point so that he fully understood what he would be looking at? If not then just treat him as the next link in the job chain.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for a good working relationship. There may be things he teach you that you would never learn otherwise and you might find yourself wanting his job one day. Don't make the workplace about people and emotions. There is plenty of room elsewhere for that activity.

[Mr. Lucky]

On 12/24/2019 at 4:32 PM, rockrchik said:

Yes, maybe I was a little jealous that he was talking with the intern, but he barely says “Good morning” to me sometimes. 

Have to agree with the others, this sounds like more of a personal relationship than a professional one.  Bosses aren't buddies and coworkers aren't friends, mixing social and work lives only asks for trouble.  Keep it job-oriented and you'll be fine...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ellener]

On 12/28/2019 at 6:21 AM, schlumpy said:

It's tough to be friends with the boss

I had decided to be just this, because at one of my side gig jobs she's having such a tough time coping with her mother's last illness, dementia which is my area of expertise,  but she took the time to teach me sales techniques, which I know will make me a lot of money now...anyway yesterday she said about another situation in my life 'you're spending so much time and energy on helping someone who doesn't even know you're doing that...' something like that, 'you should stop now'. And I smiled and thought what like with you? Because I worked my ass off for her this past few days. But I didn't say anything, and I will keep being kind for as long as I can, and last night I got a message from her saying, 'thanks for always being willing to help and support at whatever is needed'.

An enormous part of what was needed when I first got there was a nice kind person who would understand her predicament and not make it all about them.

But an enormous part of being a friend is overlooking someone's moods and pecadilloes, and being an encourager.

'Is there any way to stop this? Should I say something? Should I just let it go?'

Keep consistent is what I try to do, some of my music jobs can be difficult, people have such high expectations of dementia care, parties etc. I have learned to keep a smile on my face, never make other people feel off-balance or upset unless for a reason, even then usually not, and as other people have told you- develop a 'professional persona' which when all else is unravelling you just do the basics- your job and getting on alongside your co workers. Zero other emotions!