I should have left him blocked

[lftbehind]

12 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

I am doing good.Hope you are well too..

Your husband felt betrayed by your actions but does he realize you are hurt by his actions??

You pls take care of your health..

 

I'm doing okay and hope you are. 

I told H that I was hurt by his actions and needed someone to talk to and help me and that's why I went to Al-Anon

12 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

Being healthy is an important aspect of our life..Pls consult a doctor and take care of your health...Pls maintain a healthy diet...

Irrespective of whether xMM is married or seperated,xMM is enabling you to cheat..Having an affair with xMM,whether he was married or seperated,would have been a wrong choice.. You can go NC with xMM..

Have you looked into counselling??

Pls have belief in your self...

I'm trying to work on my diet and make it better. 

I know that it wasn't a good choice to see xMM. 

I propably won't go to counseling right now, I have some bills that I need to pay off. 

 

[AriesMan83]

11 hours ago, lftbehind said:

I'm doing okay and hope you are. 

I told H that I was hurt by his actions and needed someone to talk to and help me and that's why I went to Al-Anon

I'm trying to work on my diet and make it better. 

I know that it wasn't a good choice to see xMM. 

I propably won't go to counseling right now, I have some bills that I need to pay off. 

 

Iftbehind,

I am doing okay..How was your day??

Do take care of your health..Maybe a doctor will be able to help you more...How are you planning on changing your diet??

It was not a good choice to be involved with xMM..

I would advise you to look into counselling after the payment of the bills..It can be helpful...

Have you started NC??

Pls take care of your health..

Pls have faith in yourself..

 

Edited January 26, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

8 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

I am doing okay..How was your day??

Do take care of your health..Maybe a doctor will be able to help you more...How are you planning on changing your diet??

It was not a good choice to be involved with xMM..

I would advise you to look into counselling after the payment of the bills..It can be helpful...

Have you started NC??

Pls take care of your health..

Pls have faith in yourself..

 

Hi AriesMan83,

My day was okay, I celebrated my birthday with my mom and H and it was good. My birthday is tomorrow. Hope that your day was good. 

I need to eat more fruits and vegetables and not eat too much sugar. 

I know that it wasn't good to be involved with xMM. When I started with him, I was very lonely and he made me less lonely. We're LC right now. 

I'll think about counseling. 

[AriesMan83]

14 hours ago, lftbehind said:

Hi AriesMan83,

My day was okay, I celebrated my birthday with my mom and H and it was good. My birthday is tomorrow. Hope that your day was good. 

I need to eat more fruits and vegetables and not eat too much sugar. 

I know that it wasn't good to be involved with xMM. When I started with him, I was very lonely and he made me less lonely. We're LC right now. 

I'll think about counseling. 

Iftbehind, 

Happy Birthday to you!!🎂

Hope that you have a lot of fun and enjoyment on your Birthday..

Have you started your new diet??

Being LC is also a continuation of the affair..Why haven't you started NC yet??

Pls look into counselling..

Have faith in yourself..

 

Edited January 27, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

14 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind, 

Happy Birthday to you!!🎂

Hope that you have a lot of fun and enjoyment on your Birthday..

Have you started your new diet??

Being LC is also a continuation of the affair..Why haven't you started NC yet??

Pls look into counselling..

Have faith in yourself..

 

Hi AriesMan83,

Thanks for the Birthday wishes!

I had to work, so I didn't get to celebrate. 

I'm trying to eat well, but I need to improve. 

It's hard to do NC, when I see him at work. I would have to reject him and that's hard to do. I think it will happen. 

[Crazelnut]

It won't just "happen." YOU have to make it happen. Be strong and cut off contact. When you see him at work, be polite but dkn't be friendly. Say hi, but don't engage in a conversation. YOU have to take some control of your own situation and stop being so passive.

[elaine567]

On 1/26/2020 at 8:01 AM, lftbehind said:

I don't appreciate your snarky reply to my thread. I'm not hiding away, like you say. I'm out taking care of my business everyday. I'm only talking about the things that MM and H did, because this is a forum to get help and I'm explaining my problems. I'm not avoiding life, I live it everyday. I'm not frozen and I'm not in a little cold cave of misery and despair. Yes, I do have problems and I'm trying to work on them. You come across as very bitter, what's your deal? 

It wasn't meant to be snarky but just how I see your situation.
As Crazelnut has also pointed out, you need to actually "do" something, not just weather all the storms as they come in.
I realise that is going to be hard for you to do hence your defensive attitude but  until you actively do something nothing will ever change. 

 

[stillafool]

On 1/26/2020 at 3:01 AM, lftbehind said:

I don't appreciate your snarky reply to my thread. I'm not hiding away, like you say. I'm out taking care of my business everyday. I'm only talking about the things that MM and H did, because this is a forum to get help and I'm explaining my problems. I'm not avoiding life, I live it everyday. I'm not frozen and I'm not in a little cold cave of misery and despair. Yes, I do have problems and I'm trying to work on them. You come across as very bitter, what's your deal? 

Why can't you defend yourself like this with your husband and MM?  

I understand loneliness and it's hard.  Do you have any female friends in your life that you can talk to so you aren't so lonely?  Leaning on men is not healthy.

 

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

Why can't you defend yourself like this with your husband and MM?  

 

Also my thought.

You were quick to stand up for yourself in your response to Elaine, but with your husband and your MM you put up with poor treatment and then say “I have poor self esteem” implying among other things, you are having difficulty doing what is best for you - which includes ending these very unhealthy relationships.

It takes confidence and self esteem to stand up for yourself the way you did with Elaine. It’s something to ponder, why are you not able to do this with men? 

Edited January 28, 2020 by BaileyB

[AriesMan83]

9 hours ago, lftbehind said:

Hi AriesMan83,

Thanks for the Birthday wishes!

I had to work, so I didn't get to celebrate. 

I'm trying to eat well, but I need to improve. 

It's hard to do NC, when I see him at work. I would have to reject him and that's hard to do. I think it will happen. 

Iftbehind,

How was your day??

You didn't celebrate??Maybe you can go out on your off day and have a party..

Eating healthy is a good habit..Congrats on your start to change your diet...

Starting NC is hard but not impossible..Rejecting xMM is hard but not impossible..By talking to him you are still in the affair which is a wrong choice..Pls start NC..

Have faith in yourself..

Edited January 28, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

13 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Also my thought.

You were quick to stand up for yourself in your response to Elaine, but with your husband and your MM you put up with poor treatment and then say “I have poor self esteem” implying among other things, you are having difficulty doing what is best for you - which includes ending these very unhealthy relationships.

It takes confidence and self esteem to stand up for yourself the way you did with Elaine. It’s something to ponder, why are you not able to do this with men? 

I stand up to my H and MM when I need to. I can't make them act right all the time, though. They treat me okay most of the time. I would like for my H to stop drinking and getting high, but he doesn't want to. I do need to break it off with MM, but breaking up with my husband would be harder. I can't afford it and I still hope that we can reconnect, but it hasn't happened. I do have difficulty doing what is best for me, sometimes. 

[lftbehind]

13 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

How was your day??

You didn't celebrate??Maybe you can go out on your off day and have a party..

Eating healthy is a good habit..Congrats on your start to change your diet...

Starting NC is hard but not impossible..Rejecting xMM is hard but not impossible..By talking to him you are still in the affair which is a wrong choice..Pls start NC..

Have faith in yourself..

Hi AriesMan83,

My day was okay and I hope yours' was. 

I'm off work today and not sure what I'm doing yet. 

I am trying to have a good diet, but it's a struggle sometimes. 

NC is possible, but I guess I'm not ready to reject xMM. We talk so little and there's not physical contact. I have a hard time initiating breakups, especially when I have to see the person regularly. 

 

 

[AriesMan83]

10 hours ago, lftbehind said:

Hi AriesMan83,

My day was okay and I hope yours' was. 

I'm off work today and not sure what I'm doing yet. 

I am trying to have a good diet, but it's a struggle sometimes. 

NC is possible, but I guess I'm not ready to reject xMM. We talk so little and there's not physical contact. I have a hard time initiating breakups, especially when I have to see the person regularly. 

 

 

Iftbehind,

My day was okay..How was your day?

Its your off day so I hope that you had a birthday party today..

Changing your diet is difficult but you can do it...Eating healthy food is beneficial for the health...

Pls start NC..By talking to him,you are continuing the emotional affair...It's hard to stop it but it is possible..

How is your search for jobs going on??

Have faith in yourself...

 

Edited January 29, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

12 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

My day was okay..How was your day?

Its your off day so I hope that you had a birthday party today..

Changing your diet is difficult but you can do it...Eating healthy food is beneficial for the health...

Pls start NC..By talking to him,you are continuing the emotional affair...It's hard to stop it but it is possible..

How is your search for jobs going on??

Have faith in yourself...

 

Hi AriesMan83,

My day off was okay. I went out to dinner for my birthday with my H. It was hard being around him. He didn't drink, but got high. How was your day?

Changing my diet is hard and I keep backsliding. I eat too many sweets and It's hard to stop. I had birthday cake and ice cream.  

I need to start NC,  I'm thinking things with xMM will taper off. 

I haven't been searching for a job, but I have been keeping my eyes open for possible job opportunities. I've been at my current job over 6 years, so it's hard to leave. 

[AriesMan83]

11 hours ago, lftbehind said:

Hi AriesMan83,

My day off was okay. I went out to dinner for my birthday with my H. It was hard being around him. He didn't drink, but got high. How was your day?

Changing my diet is hard and I keep backsliding. I eat too many sweets and It's hard to stop. I had birthday cake and ice cream.  

I need to start NC,  I'm thinking things with xMM will taper off. 

I haven't been searching for a job, but I have been keeping my eyes open for possible job opportunities. I've been at my current job over 6 years, so it's hard to leave. 

Iftbehind,

How are you??

Its good to hear that you went out and has some fun on your day off..

Keep working on changing your diet..It is difficult to change a habit and it involves a lot of hard work but it is possible..

Why are you waiting for the things to end and not ending it yourself??By waiting for it to end you are still continuing the affair...You have to make the changes...It is hard but it is possible..Pls start NC..

Do you plan on changing your job if you find a possible job opening??

Pls also look into IC once you have paid the bills..

Pls have faith in yourself..

 

 

 

 

Edited January 30, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

11 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

How are you??

Its good to hear that you went out and has some fun on your day off..

Keep working on changing your diet..It is difficult to change a habit and it involves a lot of hard work but it is possible..

Why are you waiting for the things to end and not ending it yourself??By waiting for it to end you are still continuing the affair...You have to make the changes...It is hard but it is possible..Pls start NC..

Do you plan on changing your job if you find a possible job opening??

Pls also look into IC once you have paid the bills..

Pls have faith in yourself..

 

Hi AriesMan83,

I'm okay, thanks. Hope that you are doing well. 

The diet is an ongoing thing. Once you get in the habit of eating more, it's hard to cut back. 

I have a soft spot for xMM, some of it is because of his handicap. I know I need to make changes. I don't feel like I'm still having the affair, if I'm not physical with him. It feels more like a friendship. 

I would change jobs, if I found one that I wanted. 

I will think about IC. I have about 6 months, before I pay off 2 medical bills. 

 

 

[AriesMan83]

12 hours ago, lftbehind said:

 

Iftbehind,

I am doing good..Thanks for asking..How are you doing??How is your health??

Its difficult but keep doing the hard work and you will be able to change your diet..You have taken the first step by deciding to change your diet..Keep moving forward and you will achieve the desired outcome..

Why do you have a soft spot for xMM??Will you have a soft spot for a friend who encourages you to make wrong decisions??Will you continue being friends with someone who encourages you to make wrong choices??By continuing to talk to him you are still in an emotional affair..You know talking to him is a wrong choice..Maybe you are rationalizing it as a friendship because it's an addiction and you don't want to quit..Affairs,whether physical or emotional or both,is a wrong choice..Pls start NC..

Please try to find a new job . .

IC can be helpful to you..Pls think about joining it once you have paid your bills..

Please have faith in yourself.. 

Please take care of your health..

Edited January 31, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

14 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

I am doing good..Thanks for asking..How are you doing??How is your health??

Its difficult but keep doing the hard work and you will be able to change your diet..You have taken the first step by deciding to change your diet..Keep moving forward and you will achieve the desired outcome..

Why do you have a soft spot for xMM??Will you have a soft spot for a friend who encourages you to make wrong decisions??Will you continue being friends with someone who encourages you to make wrong choices??By continuing to talk to him you are still in an emotional affair..You know talking to him is a wrong choice..Maybe you are rationalizing it as a friendship because it's an addiction and you don't want to quit..Affairs,whether physical or emotional or both,is a wrong choice..Pls start NC..

Please try to find a new job . .

IC can be helpful to you..Pls think about joining it once you have paid your bills..

Please have faith in yourself.. 

Please take care of your health..

Hi AriesMan83,

I'm hanging in there.  How are you?

I did have a relapse of my eating disorder 2x last week.  I had foods in my house that I shouldn't have had, sweets. I got rid of them, so I'm not as likely to binge. 

I guess I have rooted for the underdog and xMM has challenges. You're right he helps me make the wrong choices. I don't think that he's an addiction for me. I didn't talk to him much for a while, when he didn't have a phone and I was okay. He wants to meet me before work and I don't. He gets to work before I do and he''s been asking me to come early. He's sort of frustrated that I don't. I'm working towards NC  

 

[AriesMan83]

10 hours ago, lftbehind said:

Hi AriesMan83,

I'm hanging in there.  How are you?

I did have a relapse of my eating disorder 2x last week.  I had foods in my house that I shouldn't have had, sweets. I got rid of them, so I'm not as likely to binge. 

I guess I have rooted for the underdog and xMM has challenges. You're right he helps me make the wrong choices. I don't think that he's an addiction for me. I didn't talk to him much for a while, when he didn't have a phone and I was okay. He wants to meet me before work and I don't. He gets to work before I do and he''s been asking me to come early. He's sort of frustrated that I don't. I'm working towards NC  

 

Iftbehind,

I am doing good..How are you??Hope that you are doing well..

What are the changes that you are planning to make in your diet??Getting rid of food that you binge on is a good step...Stick to your decision to change your diet and you will achieve the desired result..

xMM's personal challenges are his concern..Him being frustated is his concern..Him asking you to meet shows his selfishness and he has no right to make demands to you..Don't you think talking to him is stressful for you??Your well being and health is your priority..Pls start NC..

Why haven't you started NC if he is not an addiction for you??Why havent you started NC if you realize that he is enabling you to make wrong choices??Maybe you are rationalizing that he is a friend and so you continue talking to him..Pls understand he is not a friend of yours..Maybe you are rationalizing that you can control the situation and so you continue talking to him..But by continuing contact you are still having an emotional affair..It can escalate to a full blown affair again..Pls start NC..

Pls look into IC..

Have faith in yourself..

 

Edited February 1, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

13 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

I am doing good..How are you??Hope that you are doing well..

What are the changes that you are planning to make in your diet??Getting rid of food that you binge on is a good step...Stick to your decision to change your diet and you will achieve the desired result..

xMM's personal challenges are his concern..Him being frustated is his concern..Him asking you to meet shows his selfishness and he has no right to make demands to you..Don't you think talking to him is stressful for you??Your well being and health is your priority..Pls start NC..

Why haven't you started NC if he is not an addiction for you??Why havent you started NC if you realize that he is enabling you to make wrong choices??Maybe you are rationalizing that he is a friend and so you continue talking to him..Pls understand he is not a friend of yours..Maybe you are rationalizing that you can control the situation and so you continue talking to him..But by continuing contact you are still having an emotional affair..It can escalate to a full blown affair again..Pls start NC..

Pls look into IC..

Have faith in yourself..

HI AriesMan83,

I'm okay. I was sick yesterday, but went to work. I feel a little better now and have tomorrow off. How are you?

I need to have discipline to keep to my diet. I don't think I'll be able to get to the lower weight that I was, without hardly eating anything. It gets frustrating and it's only 6 pounds less than I am now. It's enough that I had to buy a few new clothes. 

You're right, all the things that you listed are xMM's concerns. Talking to him can be stressful for me. The guilt trips that he puts on me for not meeting him before work are tiring. He called me when I was driving to work today and I was running late. I told him that I was sick and he was a little upset, because he wanted to see me. When I saw him at work, he said hi. I saw him at break and he wanted to take break with me. I told him I would, but didn't have much time. I had to go out to my car and get some medicine and I moved my car. By the time I did that, I didn't have time to take break with him. I saw him inside and I told him what happened and he didn't say much and was upset. I usually don't have breaks or lunch the same time as him. 

I thought that he might not call after work, but he did. I do think that I can control the situation, because my hearts not in it like it was. I care about him as a person, though. I think that he has the development of a child, since his accident. I know I need to end it. We don't have any opportunity to have a full blown affair. 

[AriesMan83]

10 hours ago, lftbehind said:

HI AriesMan83,

I'm okay. I was sick yesterday, but went to work. I feel a little better now and have tomorrow off. How are you?

I need to have discipline to keep to my diet. I don't think I'll be able to get to the lower weight that I was, without hardly eating anything. It gets frustrating and it's only 6 pounds less than I am now. It's enough that I had to buy a few new clothes. 

You're right, all the things that you listed are xMM's concerns. Talking to him can be stressful for me. The guilt trips that he puts on me for not meeting him before work are tiring. He called me when I was driving to work today and I was running late. I told him that I was sick and he was a little upset, because he wanted to see me. When I saw him at work, he said hi. I saw him at break and he wanted to take break with me. I told him I would, but didn't have much time. I had to go out to my car and get some medicine and I moved my car. By the time I did that, I didn't have time to take break with him. I saw him inside and I told him what happened and he didn't say much and was upset. I usually don't have breaks or lunch the same time as him. 

I thought that he might not call after work, but he did. I do think that I can control the situation, because my hearts not in it like it was. I care about him as a person, though. I think that he has the development of a child, since his accident. I know I need to end it. We don't have any opportunity to have a full blown affair. 

Iftbehind,

I am okay..Thanks for asking..How are you??

Are you feeling well now??You should have taken a leave..Did you go to a doctor??Pls visit a doctor if you haven't already..Pls dont neglect your health..Please take care of your health..

You have started the process of changing your diet..Don't get frustated..Have faith in yourself..You will get to your desired weight...What changes do you plan to make in your diet??Will you avoid certain types of food or meat??

If talking to xMM is stressful then why don't you stop talking to xMM??xMM makes you feel guilty because you allow xMM to make you feel guilty..xMM being upset for you not being able to meet xMM inspite of the fact that you were sick and xMM being upset as you had other priorities instead of talking or taking a break with xMM shows xMM's selfishness..Pls start NC..Pls realize that stress is not good for health..

If your heart is not in it right now,then why haven't you started NC??Situations change..Maybe your heart is not in it right now but it can change..What will you do if your thoughts change??Pls start NC..

Why do you have to care about xMM when xMM is enabling you to make wrong choices??Whether xMM's development is that of a child or not and whether that is because of the accident or not is xMM's concern..xMM and xMM's issues are not your concern..

We can't predict the future..Maybe there is no opportunity now but it can change..What will you do if an opportunity arises??What will you do if an opportunity arises and xMM makes you feel guilty for not saying yes or pressurises you??Pls start NC..

Pls take care of your health..

Pls have faith in your yourself..

Edited February 2, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

9 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

I am okay..Thanks for asking..How are you??

Are you feeling well now??You should have taken a leave..Did you go to a doctor??Pls visit a doctor if you haven't already..Pls dont neglect your health..Please take care of your health..

You have started the process of changing your diet..Don't get frustated..Have faith in yourself..You will get to your desired weight...What changes do you plan to make in your diet??Will you avoid certain types of food or meat??

If talking to xMM is stressful then why don't you stop talking to xMM??xMM makes you feel guilty because you allow xMM to make you feel guilty..xMM being upset for you not being able to meet xMM inspite of the fact that you were sick and xMM being upset as you had other priorities instead of talking or taking a break with xMM shows xMM's selfishness..Pls start NC..Pls realize that stress is not good for health..

If your heart is not in it right now,then why haven't you started NC??Situations change..Maybe your heart is not in it right now but it can change..What will you do if your thoughts change??Pls start NC..

Why do you have to care about xMM when xMM is enabling you to make wrong choices??Whether xMM's development is that of a child or not and whether that is because of the accident or not is xMM's concern..xMM and xMM's issues are not your concern..

We can't predict the future..Maybe there is no opportunity now but it can change..What will you do if an opportunity arises??What will you do if an opportunity arises and xMM makes you feel guilty for not saying yes or pressurises you??Pls start NC..

Pls take care of your health..

Pls have faith in your yourself..

Hi AriesMan 83,

I'm okay, thanks. H's family came over to watch the Super Bowl and it was okay, but H was drinking and smoking pot. He didn't smoke pot when family was there, though. How are you doing?

I'm still feeling rough and I may take tomorrow off. I'll leave the house and have a day to myself, go shopping, see a movie. I haven't gone to a doctor. I think that I'll be okay. 

I'm trying to eat less sweets and watch how much I eat (portion control). I also try to not eat too many carbs. 

I should stop talking to xMM and I do let him make me feel guilty. I think that he was being selfish, when I told him I was sick and he was upset about me not meeting him before work. I know the stress from him and home stress are bad for my health. 

You're right, his issues shouldn't be my concern. They should be concerns for his wife. I don't think that he'll be driving anytime soon. He lost his license. He never had money to get a room or take me out much, just fast food a few times. I can see him putting pressure on me and I don't want that. I told him before that we were both married and shouldn't be seeing each other. He keeps insisting that he is separated from his wife. Do you think he's lying to me? He went about 10 months without a phone. When he got a phone again, I started talking to him on the phone again. I need to get over not wanting to hurt him. 

 

[AriesMan83]

13 hours ago, lftbehind said:

Hi AriesMan 83,

I'm okay, thanks. H's family came over to watch the Super Bowl and it was okay, but H was drinking and smoking pot. He didn't smoke pot when family was there, though. How are you doing?

I'm still feeling rough and I may take tomorrow off. I'll leave the house and have a day to myself, go shopping, see a movie. I haven't gone to a doctor. I think that I'll be okay. 

I'm trying to eat less sweets and watch how much I eat (portion control). I also try to not eat too many carbs. 

I should stop talking to xMM and I do let him make me feel guilty. I think that he was being selfish, when I told him I was sick and he was upset about me not meeting him before work. I know the stress from him and home stress are bad for my health. 

You're right, his issues shouldn't be my concern. They should be concerns for his wife. I don't think that he'll be driving anytime soon. He lost his license. He never had money to get a room or take me out much, just fast food a few times. I can see him putting pressure on me and I don't want that. I told him before that we were both married and shouldn't be seeing each other. He keeps insisting that he is separated from his wife. Do you think he's lying to me? He went about 10 months without a phone. When he got a phone again, I started talking to him on the phone again. I need to get over not wanting to hurt him. 

 

Iftbehind,

I am OK..Thanks for asking..How are you??

Pls take a leave if you are not feeling well..Pls dont neglect your health..Pls visit a doctor..Have you taken any medicine for your sickness??Pls take care of your health..

Are you trying to remove sweets from your regular food??Have you reduced your daily food intake??What are the foods that you are adding to your diet??Are you doing it yourself or is someone helping you in planning a healthy diet for you??

You know that xMM is selfish..You know that the affair is adding stress to your life..Why haven't you started NC then??The reason you continue talking to xMm is because the affair is an escape for you...Pls start NC..Pls take care of your health..

You mentioned in your post that you told xMM that both of you are married and should not be involved with each other..But xMM insisted that xMM is seperated..Pls realize that what mattered for xMM is that xMM is seperated..It did not matter to xMM that you are married..It shows his selfishness..It did not matter to xMM that if the affair comes to light,it can end your marriage..Pls understand that xMm is emabling you to make wring choices..Pls start NC..

Let me give me you an example-Imagine that you and I are non drinkers and friends..One day I invite you to a bar for a party..You tell me that as we don't drink so we should meet for dinner..I tell you that I have started drinking and it's OK for you to drink too..Does it mean that I care for you as a friend if I encourage you(a non drinker) to start drinking??Will you still consider me a friend??Is it logical that if I am damaging my health by consuming alcohol,you as my friend should do the same??

Can you pls explain a bit your question-"Do you think he is still lying to me?"..What do you think is he lying about??I am a bit confused by the question..

Have faith in yourself..

Pls take care of your health..

[AriesMan83]

14 hours ago, lftbehind said:

Hi AriesMan 83,

I'm okay, thanks. H's family came over to watch the Super Bowl and it was okay, but H was drinking and smoking pot. He didn't smoke pot when family was there, though. How are you doing?

I'm still feeling rough and I may take tomorrow off. I'll leave the house and have a day to myself, go shopping, see a movie. I haven't gone to a doctor. I think that I'll be okay. 

I'm trying to eat less sweets and watch how much I eat (portion control). I also try to not eat too many carbs. 

I should stop talking to xMM and I do let him make me feel guilty. I think that he was being selfish, when I told him I was sick and he was upset about me not meeting him before work. I know the stress from him and home stress are bad for my health. 

You're right, his issues shouldn't be my concern. They should be concerns for his wife. I don't think that he'll be driving anytime soon. He lost his license. He never had money to get a room or take me out much, just fast food a few times. I can see him putting pressure on me and I don't want that. I told him before that we were both married and shouldn't be seeing each other. He keeps insisting that he is separated from his wife. Do you think he's lying to me? He went about 10 months without a phone. When he got a phone again, I started talking to him on the phone again. I need to get over not wanting to hurt him. 

 

Iftbehind,

Hope that you enjoy your day off..Pls visit a doctor if you are not feeling well..

Can you pls also explain the statement-"I need to get over not wanting to hurt him.."

Pls start NC..

Pls look into IC..

Have faith in yourself..

Pls take care of your health..

Edited February 3, 2020 by AriesMan83

[lftbehind]

11 hours ago, AriesMan83 said:

Iftbehind,

I am OK..Thanks for asking..How are you??

Pls take a leave if you are not feeling well..Pls dont neglect your health..Pls visit a doctor..Have you taken any medicine for your sickness??Pls take care of your health..

Are you trying to remove sweets from your regular food??Have you reduced your daily food intake??What are the foods that you are adding to your diet??Are you doing it yourself or is someone helping you in planning a healthy diet for you??

You know that xMM is selfish..You know that the affair is adding stress to your life..Why haven't you started NC then??The reason you continue talking to xMm is because the affair is an escape for you...Pls start NC..Pls take care of your health..

You mentioned in your post that you told xMM that both of you are married and should not be involved with each other..But xMM insisted that xMM is seperated..Pls realize that what mattered for xMM is that xMM is seperated..It did not matter to xMM that you are married..It shows his selfishness..It did not matter to xMM that if the affair comes to light,it can end your marriage..Pls understand that xMm is emabling you to make wring choices..Pls start NC..

Let me give me you an example-Imagine that you and I are non drinkers and friends..One day I invite you to a bar for a party..You tell me that as we don't drink so we should meet for dinner..I tell you that I have started drinking and it's OK for you to drink too..Does it mean that I care for you as a friend if I encourage you(a non drinker) to start drinking??Will you still consider me a friend??Is it logical that if I am damaging my health by consuming alcohol,you as my friend should do the same??

Can you pls explain a bit your question-"Do you think he is still lying to me?"..What do you think is he lying about??I am a bit confused by the question..

Have faith in yourself..

Pls take care of your health..

Hi AriesMan83,

I'm doing okay. I took today off and went to the mall, saw a movie and ate dinner out. It was a pretty good day. I'm still feeling sort of rough, though. How are you doing?

I'm trying to not eat too much cake or chocolate and watch my food intake. I'm trying to eat more vegetables and fruit. I'm doing it myself. 

xMM is selfish and does stress me out sometimes. He called me today and I told him that I wasn't going to work and he was wanting to see me before work. He had been putting a lot of pressure on me and I do need to do NC. I did tell xMM that we are both married. He insists that he's separated, but I'm not sure. Do you think that he's lying about his marital status and he's not even separated? He texted to me today and made a comment that he would delete the text when we were done texting. If he was separated, he wouldn't need to do that, would he? 

I also told him that I was afraid of getting caught, when we used to be able to meet after work. I told him that if I got caught, I could lose everything, including a place to live. He didn't seem to care, which I thought was selfish. I didn't meet him much after work and not for too long. 

I see what you mean with the drinking analogy. He's basically thinking about what he wants, not necessarily what's good for me. 

What I meant when I said that I had to get over not wanting to hurt him, was that I need to do what's right for me and break it off with him and not worry about hurting him.