Do you think he's behaving this way because he knows I have a crush and doesn't reciprocate or because he is trying to hide one himself?

[garfish99]

We worked together 6 years ago and there was unmistakably a mutual crush back then- like prolonged eye contact and smiling when alone in the hallway, finding excuses to talk, but only about work. We were both taken then so it was harmless flirting.

Then I switched positions due to budget cuts and just recently got called back part-time. We had a catch up chat my first day, nothing flirty except maybe more eye contact than usual compared to most people.Then he asked me out of the blue if my last name changed. "Didn't recognise it, thought maybe you got married." I said "Nope but it has been 3 years" (I meant since we last emailed for work but who knows how he took it). At one point he locked eyes while walking by me while I chatted with a coworker which I thought was flirty, not sure since he avoided eye contact ever since.

 Most of our interactions are only monthly when we run into another in the hallway or when we have to talk about work related things. We rarely have a chance to work on the same day because of our schedules. Since that first day back:
-He looks happy and like he's trying to suppress a grin on the rare occasion we run into eachother but ALWAYS avoids looking directly into my eyes now.
-He only ever brings up work related things during hallway moments but there's this weird tone of nervousness or awkwardness that reminds me of sexual tension situations only because he sounds oddly happy or giddy. One time we almost crashed into eachother and both froze for what seemed like eons before he blurted out "Thanks for approving my plan, I saw the email" which seemed out of place. His tone seemed oddly cheerful,  when I looked back at him he had a smile. Then I caught him sneakily checking me out later the same day. 
-when either of us pass by people's desks saying goodbye for the day, he makes eye contact and smiles with everyone but me. If I'm the one leaving he won't even look up from his papers like he does everyone else when responding. I have similar work relationships with all of them in terms of how we interact for work so it feels weird.
-I process things from him that are due at certain times. A month ago I asked him to cc me on stuff from clinic A and he did at first.  Ever since the day we almost collided in the hall, he started sending plans directly to my supervisor and not even ccing me even though they're MY cases.  I don't work with him for another 2-4 weeks.

 Any ideas whats going on with this guy? By the way, he's at least early 60's and I'm 38. Unsure of his elationship status now. 

[mark clemson]

It sounds like he does indeed have a thing for you. Depending on his marital status and/or beliefs, etc he may not wish to do anything about it. Work relationships carry risks and he's pretty late in the game to be risking too much over an infatuation.

 

It's interesting that he's so much older. No one in the 35-45 zone for you? (Not a question you need to answer, just some food for thought. You are of course an adult and will do as you see fit.)

[PRW]

10 hours ago, garfish99 said:

-when either of us pass by people's desks saying goodbye for the day, he makes eye contact and smiles with everyone but me. If I'm the one leaving he won't even look up from his papers like he does everyone else when responding. I have similar work relationships with all of them in terms of how we interact for work so it feels weird.

-I process things from him that are due at certain times. A month ago I asked him to cc me on stuff from clinic A and he did at first.  Ever since the day we almost collided in the hall, he started sending plans directly to my supervisor and not even ccing me even though they're MY cases. 

 

You are making him uncomfortable because he is not interested. So he is trying to put space between you.  You are almost 20 years younger and he probably doesn't want in a lawsuit or get accused of anything at work when he is close to retiring.

[elaine567]

I agree he is not interested. He sounds a bit embarrassed. Maybe he no longer finds you attractive - 6 years can be a long time  to maintain a "crush".
That no eye contact thing and the half smile is what I do in the presence of a guy who I know is interested in me and I want to not give him the wrong idea.
The half smile is designed to not appear hostile and  to give the impression of civility without actually leading him on.
The no eye contact thing tends to shut any would be conversation down.
Bypassing you by sending stuff direct to your supervisor kind of confirms it.

[garfish99]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

It sounds like he does indeed have a thing for you. Depending on his marital status and/or beliefs, etc he may not wish to do anything about it. Work relationships carry risks and he's pretty late in the game to be risking too much over an infatuation.

 

It's interesting that he's so much older. No one in the 35-45 zone for you? (Not a question you need to answer, just some food for thought. You are of course an adult and will do as you see fit.)

Plenty of people my age, this was a weird crush that happened out of nowhere back when I was in the happiest relationship of my life with a younger man (before he broke my heart). Didn't think they'd call me back to this job in a million years. The relapse was totally unexpected. It's def NOT the norm for me to crush outside of a 5 year age range, especially at work and especially after a long period of not seeing them. I mean I've even been going on dates regularly in my age group- not sure why I still get weird around this guy. I'm not sure if I'd even date him. Just curious what's happening.

[stillafool]

If he's 60 and wanted to date you he would definitely know how to make it happen.  He hasn't so he is not interested.  I never take men's stares seriously because they like to look at good looking women and I'm sure they end up staring at them all in one way or another.  Women kind of do the same thing.

[PRW]

To elaine567

Exactly that.

Edited December 26, 2019 by PRW

[preraph]

It sounds like he's trying to be pleasant when he does encounter you, but that he is doing avoiding trying to keep from encountering you.