Father died, Sister showed true colors.

[Atwood]

I’m so sorry about the situation you’re in. It sounds like your sister is in a severely damaging and unhealthy relationship. You’ve done your best to help her and encourage her to divorce/find help. 
 

Normally, I would encourage you be there to support her if she leaves. However, she’s crossed the line of being abusive to you and your family, and seemingly caused a horrible scene with your fathers funeral. 

I think it would be best for you to cut off contact. It sounds harsh, but you’re not going to recover from the hurt she’s causing if you remain in contact. 

Edited January 1, 2020 by Atwood

[jeff0011]

If I had to guess , this is what happened. 
 

over the last decade my sisters life became worse and worse financially. Her husband spent his dads money.  She ran up her credit cards.  He borrowed money from everyone in town and never paid it back. They have zero savings.  Zero equity.  Truly dollar to dollar. 
 

now during all of her stories I would say “you are in your 50’s. What is your plan? She would sort of laugh and say “I don’t know”

she new my dad was getting worse and almost 90   I believe that was her plan to be saved   That he would leave her a large sum of money.  When that didn’t happen she lost it .. that was her plan.  

i have nothing to say to her and haven’t talked to her.  
 

 

 

 

[Watercolors]

On ‎1‎/‎1‎/‎2020 at 4:18 PM, jeff0011 said:

i have nothing to say to her and haven’t talked to her.

Sounds like she made her choice. She is in control of her life. Only she can change it. But she doesn't want to or she would.

[JTSW]

 

On 12/29/2019 at 7:06 PM, PinkFlamingo said:

I'm personally always for transparency and don't they say sunlight is the best disinfectant? I would write a very detailed email or letter (make a copy in this case) and get anything off your chest. Document what has happened so far, write down your point of view, describe the actions of your sister in detail, every single insult, date and location, name witnesses, list every little thing you have done for her, tell her how her actions over time have come across and what impact they had on you and your dad, be clear and precise, make bullet points, explain why you will not have further contact with her. And then send it to her.

This will be pointless as it will achieve nothing. 

She wont read it and even if she does she will likely retaliate and accuse you of harassment.

She got her karma by getting nothing.

Living a better life than her will be more fulfilling than sitting there dredging up anger by writing letters.

She's not worth you time and effort.

Have a great life x  

[Miss Clavel]

what about your nephew? i think you should arrange to either leave him something or let him know his grandfather put away money for his education. otherwise, having only given you money means only your child will benefit. i don't think your father thought of that. your nephew deserves more.

think about it. if your son benefits and his cousin does not, you are setting up another generation of discord and estrangement. 

speak to your nephew and let him know that his grandfather's partner and you both want him to know that he WILL be going to college or trade school and you are interested in his future. 

let him know that you understand that alcoholics have a disease. that his father did not set out to do this to his mom but that treatment is both free and nearby. that you do not want to see him sink. that he will have some prospects, both to get an education, equal to his cousin and that he will get away.

that should shut your sister up. her family gets some money and she can't get her hands on it. lol

good luck

[JTSW]

4 minutes ago, Miss Clavel said:

what about your nephew? i think you should arrange to either leave him something or let him know his grandfather put away money for his education. otherwise, having only given you money means only your child will benefit. i don't think your father thought of that. your nephew deserves more.

He won't see that money.

She will get her hands on it easily enough.

[Miss Clavel]

6 minutes ago, JTSW said:

He won't see that money.

She will get her hands on it easily enough.

you are not giving him cash. you are making out a check, from his grandfather, every semester he attends college, uni.

[JTSW]

Just now, Miss Clavel said:

you are not giving him cash. you are making out a check, from his grandfather, every semester he attends college, uni.

I'm not the OP.

Cash or check, she will still find a way to get her hands on it.

[Miss Clavel]

8 minutes ago, JTSW said:

I'm not the OP.

Cash or check, she will still find a way to get her hands on it.

are you related to them? you seem pretty sure what his sister will do to her son, including robbing him of an education?

i am confused. sorry.

Edited January 13, 2020 by Miss Clavel

[JTSW]

Just now, Miss Clavel said:

are you related to them? you seem pretty sure what his sister will do to her son, including robbing him of an education?

i am confused. sorry.

No, but i'm a good judge of character.

She has a cold uncaring nature.

Someone like her wouldn't think twice about taking inheritance money.

[jeff0011]

On 1/13/2020 at 4:38 AM, Miss Clavel said:

you are not giving him cash. you are making out a check, from his grandfather, every semester he attends college, uni.

I Think JT is right on this one.  

I haven’t spoken to her at all.  It sounds like a good idea ... circumvent my sister and his dad, and give her son money for college. 

Her husband is such a loser (and apparently my sister goes along with it), that it seems they don’t even want him to go to college so he can start working to help pay house bills.  

 

 

[jeff0011]

An example could be that her and her husband actually decided which high school classes he should take based on which class you would not need to buy a scientific calculator.  (90 bucks)

and prior to high school he had very high grades. It started to make me sick before this inheritance argument 

 

[JTSW]

This is why i know he would never see any money you gave to him.

They would find a way to get to it.

I feel for your nephew tho, not getting a say in his own education.

Maybe he should come live with you x

[jeff0011]

1 hour ago, JTSW said:

This is why i know he would never see any money you gave to him.

They would find a way to get to it.

I feel for your nephew tho, not getting a say in his own education.

Maybe he should come live with you x

Lol.  I actually would allow that.  I helped him before with my own money.  Sent him a tailored suit so he could go to homecoming.  Sent him gift cards.  (Didn’t get any thanks from the husband for that).  
 

it wouldn’t take longer than a few hours before the son would be in the middle.  “Oh you have alllll this money and our utilities are being shut off!!  “. 
 

which is what my father knew as well.  

Edited January 16, 2020 by jeff0011