westernxer Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 What sucks is that I have NO IDEA how she is feeling because I haven't seen her. If I had some insight that she was missing me then I would feel stronger about my position, instead of feeling weaker thinking I'm going to completely lose her. What are you waiting for? Call her up and seal your fate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted October 30, 2005 Author Share Posted October 30, 2005 You are all 100% correct. How could I have a satisfying marriage with someone who has already demonstrated that she is a manipulative liar and really out for someone to pay for her irresponsible spending habits. If I were to have married her, I'm sure I would end up broke, divorced and probably have a child that I would hardly be able to see but sure could pay for. I'd be miserable being in that position. But,....a very small part of me is betraying me and that's the part I'm battling constantly. I think it gets better for the most part week after week. Thanks everyone for caring enough to post here. I appreciate all of you posts, even the harsh ones. Sometimes we need those too. I'll make it through this. If not for me, for you guys. I won't let you down. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 do it for yourself FIRST. that is Number One. recovery will be slower if you don't put yourself top of the list. THEN do it for all your supporters. god bless, and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I appreciate all of you posts, even the harsh ones. Sometimes we need those too. Nothing harsh about tough love, especially when you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 Yeah,...that is true. I have to chalk this one up as a lesson to have been learned, cuz I've never met a woman as calculating and selfish as this one. I've always been very trusting of others, especially my girlfriends and I guess I need to be more carful next time. When the red flags start popping up, I need to heed to them and not just brush them off as past instances that are nothing to worry about anymore. They definitely are a window into the persons character that you are involved with. Not to say that we all don't have a thing here or there that could be considered a red flag but when there are MULTIPLE flags like she had, you can't ignore them. At least I didn't buy her that "5 table" ring she wanted,...the audacity to tell someone that. LOL, unreal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 I hate evenings, all the wondering,..I think I need some shock therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 It does suck ass, but there's nothing you or I can do my friend. hahahahahaha yes it does suck ass:p i hate the pain but I love the metaphor Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I think chocolate boy summed it up the best in his colourful phrasing.This is a tough time and you just need to ride it out.Remember it will "suck ass":laugh: until you have healed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 Today would've been our 1 year anniversary. ugh,..I'll be glad to get through today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 Still NC, it's been a month now. I miss her a little bit, although I know that I don't miss all her debt, her lies, her cheating, her utter selfishness, her irresponsibility demonstrated by not working and her bankruptcy, her deceptiveness and her victim/rescue me mind games. She can also get her own "5 table" ring that she requested, cuz she's so special and deserves it. "nuff said. She may come back to work today so I need to get my game face on for that. That ought to be fun, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 I miss her a little bit, although I know that I don't miss all her debt, her lies, her cheating, her utter selfishness, her irresponsibility demonstrated by not working and her bankruptcy, her deceptiveness and her victim/rescue me mind games. Aside from all this, what exactly do you miss about her? Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Aside from all this, what exactly do you miss about her? Well done! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 I knew I could count on you westernxer,..lol I think I just miss the little nuances that we had between each other that are hard to forget about,..you know that girfriend stuff. Our closeness we had,..maybe it was just me getting close,..huh. Putting myself in her trap so to speak. She is showing me that intimacy for her was nothing more than a process to get what she wants rather than actually caring about someone. At least that is what I am believing now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 3, 2005 Author Share Posted November 3, 2005 Well,..she finally came back to work last night. Seeing her was rough, but I got through it. She was making a point to avoid me I could see that. I guess it is all a game to her. I feel like I'm back to square one in a way. Not very hungry and didn't sleep very well last night. I've got to regroup and get it together. What choice did I have,..I either started paying her bills and co-signing on things or I don't and face the breakup depression/hell? Too bad money can't keep you warm at night. UGH,....this sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 6, 2005 Author Share Posted November 6, 2005 Well,..I finally "bumped" into her last night and she had an engagement ring on from that other guy,..She was trying to hide it and I said, "let's see it". I'll tell you this,...it wasn't a 5 table ring, like she was requesting from me.It looked somewhere between a .6 and .8 carat diamond,...my guess was somewhere in the $4,000 range with bagetts and all. I kind of squinted at it and told her the one I had picked out was bigger,..oh well. She got a little perterbed but quickly cheered up and we talked for a few minutes. It was a good conversation. I could still see that look in her eyes, she was glad to see me. We said that we still cared for each other and I asked if she had set a date,..she shook her head emphatically and said no, like it was more important to just have the ring on and show it off then actually going through with the marriage. Interesting. I left on good terms and she knows how I feel about her. I know westernxer,..I broke NC and left the door open, I should just jump off the next tallest building I see. I couldn't help it. I know how she is and that she was seeing him in some capacity while we were together but for some reason I overlook that. It's crazy. I think she is the only one who can get this cloud out from over my head. I can do it myself over time, but she sure could give me a quick fix. Just for reference, he gave her the ring when he lived with her for a month then she moved him out to get back together with me. So she definitely chose me over him that time, I think she was just so far in debt that she had to settle for him for now. I know, I know,..Why would I want to be with a person like that? I don't have a answer for you other than I believed in the fantasy that we had created regarding marriage and children together. Obviousely, I still do to some degree. I'm going to drop NC for awhile and just relax about everything, If we talk, we talk, if we don't we don't. NC wasn't really helping me, It doesn't work in my opinion unless you are truely trying to get over that person. I was always waiting for her to contact me in some way. From here, where do I go,..I can't do anything more really,..she has all the cards in this situation so I suppose I will try to just keep everything "lite" so to speak. We'll see how long I maintain that position. The rollercoaster seems to never end. C'mon guys and gals tell me how bad it could be married to a dishonest person who lies and obviousely cheats in some capacity over the long run. I'll keep you updated. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 6, 2005 Author Share Posted November 6, 2005 Thanks Westernxer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 Any comments? Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Yep, you just aren't ready to let go. But that's fine, because not every one is able to right away. Its a process, and not an easy one. I think you should continue to think about working towards fully letting go and going back to NC, however. Ooops. I just read you are dropping NC. This has all the makings of a very bad very dangerous situation for you since it is laden with so much drama potential with you being the ex and her being engaged. NC is proven to be the a fool proof way to move on, as you will have to do someday. But some of us are very attatched to the drama and turmoil and feel "flat" when its not there. You may think this meeting will have no negative reverberations. Many of us may well disagree with that because often the bad feelings arise days later when you are left alone and she is off with Mr Ring. Getting more involved with contact strikes me as playing with fire. She is engaged now. If you need any more incentive to let go and move on, there really isn't much else left. The next step to consider might be looking at why you became so enmeshed with this person (and still are for that matter) who very likely wouldn't have been an ideal mate for you. regards Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 Bendit, you are right. I've changed my position on this whole thing now and am feeling much better about it all. There was a part of me that wasn't sure if I was right about how this all happened, but now, I realize, I was right. She is a cheating, liar who is only looking for financial gain any way she can. I gave her the benefit of the doubt many times but now she has no credibility at all. I don't want to be with someone like her. She will only end up bankrupting me both financially and emotionally. She is having an interesting time explaining to everyone who sees her ring and assumes it is the two of us getting engaged. We've been broken up for little over a month and so the conclusion is that she was cheating and is a very shady person from their perspective. This relationship she is in will end badly just like all of her relationships because she isn't genuine about anything and really doesn't know what love is. Especially given this case where she was cheating on both of us for awhile. She can't "love" either of us so it will end like all the rest. I feel better now that I am not in her vile crosshairs anymore. That poor fellow is,...too bad for him. Back to NC. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Today would've been our 1 year anniversary. ugh,..I'll be glad to get through today. Halloween, should have seen that as a red flag dude Seriously, well done, you will get there, be strong big man! Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 anniversaries suck like nothing else. i recently pretended not to notice what would have been our 3rd, but oh it still hurt more than i would admit. i finally took off the ring, put it away in a drawer. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Halloween, should have seen that as a red flag dude She was the trick, not the treat Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 She was the trick, not the treat oh yes, well said. cleveland fan, you have repeatedly written about all the negatives, i just can't imagine what on earth you saw in her in the first place, and you seem to beat yourself up at every opportunity. what else is happening in your life?? are you getting out?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clevelandfan Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Thanks Helena, I'm trying to stay busy and make sure that I don't run into her again. You are right, I beat myself up thinking I could've done things differently and maybe that would've made a difference. I am so busy with school and work that I am just not meeting any women and that keeps my ex in focus since she was my last relationship. When I think back regarding all the "cons", they just don't have the impact they used to. I think that I could've made it work and that is self-defeating. I have to realize what she is and because she has quickly resorted to this other man, she had to have been with him while we were together so she really doesn't love either of us. It must have been about who was going to move in and catch her up on her bills,..etc. It's just hard for me to know that I wasted a year with someone who was really not genuine at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts