seeing your ex date someone new. Did you cope?

[Blonde2002]

My wife and I split up after 21 years and 2 children, in around June 2019.

 

It was a mutual ending after we both admitting cheating, but it was certainly me pushing for the split

 

I ended up with the woman I had seen and moved her in in July.

 

 

However, here we are in December and I am reconsidering my actions and decisions. I have spoke to my ex wife about getting back together but she doesn't exactly seem keen.

 

I found out this weekend that she has just started dating other men. And I am absolutely devastated and I don't know why. I suppose at the back of my mind I always thought we may get back together.

 

But I have been seeing another woman for the last 6 months, I have no right to feel jealous or upset about my wife dating other men. But I am soul destroyed.

 

 

I am so upset that I am literally having severe panic attacks and I'm so anxious I keep throwing up!!

 

I can't exactly talk to my current GF about this. But i feel so confused that I don't even know who I love anymore. I was going to beg my wife to come back. But we split in the first place as we were both unhappy.

 

 

Has anyone else been through seeing their ex dating new people? How did it feel for you, how did you cope?

 

Has anyone got any advice for me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[DKT3]

It's a good possibility that you and upset because it signals the true end to your relationship.  

 

This guy is not likely to be a long term thing, I highly doubt your wife is ready,  as I dont believe you are ready.  Your affair partner isnt the answer,  as you are now finding out she isnt what you thought she was, is she? 

 

 

 

 

[Blonde2002]

8 hours ago, DKT3 said:

It's a good possibility that you and upset because it signals the true end to your relationship.  

 

This guy is not likely to be a long term thing, I highly doubt your wife is ready,  as I dont believe you are ready.  Your affair partner isnt the answer,  as you are now finding out she isnt what you thought she was, is she? 

 

 

 

 

I think there may be a lot of truth to that. I thought I had already moved on, but clearly I hadn't. Like you say, it signals the true end to my old relationship. It really hurts!

[central]

You aren't over your ex, obviously. You were taken by surprise to discover that, but depending on the people and circumstances, it can take years to truly move on. In my case, the marriage was long over before I ended it, so I was actually relieved when she started dating because she had less time to try to interfere in my life and newfound relationship and happiness.

[wtm78]

On 12/27/2019 at 10:46 AM, Philip8888 said:

My wife and I split up after 21 years and 2 children, in around June 2019.

 

It was a mutual ending after we both admitting cheating, but it was certainly me pushing for the split

 

I ended up with the woman I had seen and moved her in in July.

 

 

However, here we are in December and I am reconsidering my actions and decisions. I have spoke to my ex wife about getting back together but she doesn't exactly seem keen.

 

I found out this weekend that she has just started dating other men. And I am absolutely devastated and I don't know why. I suppose at the back of my mind I always thought we may get back together.

 

But I have been seeing another woman for the last 6 months, I have no right to feel jealous or upset about my wife dating other men. But I am soul destroyed.

 

 

I am so upset that I am literally having severe panic attacks and I'm so anxious I keep throwing up!!

 

I can't exactly talk to my current GF about this. But i feel so confused that I don't even know who I love anymore. I was going to beg my wife to come back. But we split in the first place as we were both unhappy.

 

 

Has anyone else been through seeing their ex dating new people? How did it feel for you, how did you cope?

 

Has anyone got any advice for me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know what you are going through. It must be hard. Your marriage was already in dispair or probably dead even before the split. That's why both of you were cheating. Your ego was bruised, how can she be with another man? Was probably what was in your mind. And that hurting feeling and bruised ego was most likely what made you push for the split.

Now that you tried asking her to consider coming back. I'm very proud of you that you were humble enough to go for what your heart tells you. And it must be very difficult to face the rejection after that. I must say that is a lot of emotions to handle. 

If you are asking for advice, I would think that if I were you. I would take sometime to be alone to clear my head. It's clear that you are not over your wife.so that is very unfair to your current gf. And since you mentioned that you don't know who you love. Perhaps you need some time to put things into perspective. What do you think about this?

 

[Blonde2002]

14 hours ago, wtm78 said:

I know what you are going through. It must be hard. Your marriage was already in dispair or probably dead even before the split. That's why both of you were cheating. Your ego was bruised, how can she be with another man? Was probably what was in your mind. And that hurting feeling and bruised ego was most likely what made you push for the split.

Now that you tried asking her to consider coming back. I'm very proud of you that you were humble enough to go for what your heart tells you. And it must be very difficult to face the rejection after that. I must say that is a lot of emotions to handle. 

If you are asking for advice, I would think that if I were you. I would take sometime to be alone to clear my head. It's clear that you are not over your wife.so that is very unfair to your current gf. And since you mentioned that you don't know who you love. Perhaps you need some time to put things into perspective. What do you think about this?

 

Thank you for your reply. I know that i am hurting deeply and i really don't want to. I think you're right about my ego being hurt.... it's been torn to shreds. After being with someone 21 years to find out they think nothing of you hurts. 

[Steve40th396]

On 12/29/2019 at 1:10 PM, Philip8888 said:

Thank you for your reply. I know that i am hurting deeply and i really don't want to. I think you're right about my ego being hurt.... it's been torn to shreds. After being with someone 21 years to find out they think nothing of you hurts. 

If I may interject. She married you for some reason, and some reason your marriage went south. She still cares about you. That is the worst part, She cares, but not in a way that she wants to be with you again. Emotions/Triggers are easily popped up in life. When she sees you, she probably sees bad as well as good..

No easy fix, not at all. It took me 9 years on my first to get over her. This one I am going through now, I will probably be collecting social security before I am over her. Another person is just a band aid, especially if you dont put 100 into new person.