kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 (edited) I’m a self-employed dog walker and there’s this guy who I’ve been walking his dog for for the last couple of months. He has called me when I have texted, and just last week said he hoped I was staying dry, and asked if I had decent rain gear. When I told him that I just have a basic rain jacket that hasn’t been protecting me much, he gave me a rain jacket and rain pants of his that he said he doesn’t use anymore. I tried to return the favor by giving him a bag full of tennis balls for his dog that I’ve had for awhile now, just sitting in my trunk, that I bought a few years ago when my son played t-ball. He told me his dog would just destroy them, and in saying so ultimately rejected my gift. I got my feelings hurt. I thought I was making a thoughtful gesture and it didn’t feel appreciated by him at all. It also made me feel confused, because I have gotten a bit of an interested vibe from him. Thoughts??? Edited December 27, 2019 by kiwistwbry Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 I think your "interest vibe" was misplaced. It is common for people to give gifts to service providers at Christmas, eg. postman, teacher, bin men, etc. It is usually the customer giving to the provider, not the other way around. So him giving you the rain gear was normal but you giving him the gift would not be so normal. He wasn't trying to hurt your feelings and he didn't do anything wrong, but the fact you have an interest in him is what caused the hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Wow, It was a bag of balls for the dog not a gold encrusted dildo. He should have just said thanks and threw them in the closet if nothing else. Rude. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 Pete - yeah, I see what you’re saying. I guess since they were clothes that used to be his, I thought returning the favor with something used of mine would be appropriate. He has also given me a headlamp he doesn’t use anymore, since I am walking his dog at nighttime. The phone calls by him made me think there was interest, since none of my other clients call me unless it’s an emergency. Him giving me things that used to be his felt more personal as well. Rather than giving me a gift card or something like that. I was just trying to pay it forward and his response seemed rude to me, whether I was interested in him or not. My feelings would have gotten hurt no matter who it was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 K.K. - I know right?! I thought it was rude of him too, and wanted to see if maybe I was just being sensitive or whatever. Thanks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 He is probably correct about the tennis balls and they could be a choking hazard. Some dogs need more robust toys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 Elaine - the dog is 10 months old, large size, about 65 lbs. He told me maybe she could use them when she’s older and not so much in a destructive mode. I guess I’m just not used to having my gift be rejected. This is a first for me at 34 yrs old. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 If it's not a dog that fetches, tennis balls are not a good gift for a dog. He's right, they will be destroyed. I'd welcome all your tennis balls, but would only use them outside to play fetch with my dogs. We don't have tennis balls in the house because they would become chew toys and destroyed in less than 30 minutes. He probably was just being practical and it wasn't actually a rejection of you. Next time try cookies. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Its a douche move on his part though....When you don't accept a gift from someone right in front of them its an insult....period. I get over a dozen bottles of booze over the holidays and I don't drink...Should I refuse it and tell them I don't drink? Of course not..I give em away to others... The guy is an idiot and lacks social grace... TFY 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 Cautiously Optimistic - I hear ya. The funny thing is, I just found out a few days ago that his dog does fetch! That’s why I thought it would be a great gift. When he said they would just get destroyed, I mentioned how I didn’t mean for the dog to have them all the time, just to have on hand if needed, he was still hesitant, and by that point I felt like I was forcing it and things were just getting more awkward by the second... Thanks for the reply. I won’t be offering anything else after this though. One rejection is enough for me, personal or not... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 20 minutes ago, kiwistwbry said: Cautiously Optimistic - I hear ya. The funny thing is, I just found out a few days ago that his dog does fetch! That’s why I thought it would be a great gift. Then it's very weird he didn't accept them. That is a great gift. Ugh, sorry :(. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Don't sweat it. He just picked up a romantic interest vibe and wanted to shut it down early, that's all. This stuff happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 I think that you are on the wrong track. It's a Dog Daddy thing. He's worried that the tennis balls will harm his dog either through choking or ripping the felt off the ball. Show more interest in his dog and see if that doesn't get you reconnected. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 He was just being honest. He didn't want them. It probably didn't occur to him your feelings would be hurt over tennis balls for his dog. If you had given him a more clearly "I thought of you" present that he didn't want, like something you purchased and specifically for him, perhaps he would have recognized that he was going to hurt your feelings if he didn't accept it and so taken it. IF you have feelings for this guy and he's available, consider waiting a few weeks for this to blow over (emotionally, for you) and then asking him out or similar. (If that's what you want to do.) Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 2 hours ago, schlumpy said: It's a Dog Daddy thing. As a Dog Mommy, I would not be happy with some dirty old tennis balls either... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 (edited) 9 hours ago, kiwistwbry said: because I have gotten a bit of an interested vibe from him. Thoughts??? Trying to play to that "interested vibe" with a bag of tennis balls isn't going to cut it . . . I don't think it sends a reciprocal message. Ask him out for a cup of coffee and donuts or something like that. My daughter's dogs tear up a tennis ball in less than a minute and leave a mess. I get why he doesn't want the tennis balls. Edited December 27, 2019 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 My 25 pound terrier destroys tennis balls in about 45 seconds. If a dog walker offered me a big bag of tennis balls I would have refused the "gift" as well - assuming that a dog walker works with many dogs, and probably could use them elsewhere. I am an anti "stuff" person, so of I can not add junk and clutter to my house all the better. It wouldn't have crossed my mind that the giver would have their feelings hurt over not wanting the balls - accepting them and then throwing them in the garbage seems like it would be more rude. Or if I took them, now I would have to spend time and energy trying to find someone else to donate them too - no thanks. And I also agree with others - this time of year I buy gifts for "help". The guy who works at my horse's stable got new gloves and a gas card. If you want to see if he is interested - start stepping up regular ol' flirting. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 Lana - I guess I was just trying to return what I thought was interest on his side after he’s given me two of his personal items. Maybe I misunderstood his intentions. Oh well 🤷♀️ Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 Schlumpy - good point. Thanks for the reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 Mark - you are right, he was definitely being honest. Lol. When we first met and I told him I’m a single mom, he perked up and told me maybe he could join us (I was with my 10 yr old son at the time) on one of the dog walks sometime. I gave a positive reaction but nothing has happened since. Maybe I could’ve suggested some specific days/times, but I guess I’m a little old-fashioned and assumed if the guy is interested enough he’ll be the one suggesting the details. Ugh, dating sucks. Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: As a Dog Mommy, I would not be happy with some dirty old tennis balls either... I told him they were practically brand new, which they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 2 hours ago, Redhead14 said: Trying to play to that "interested vibe" with a bag of tennis balls isn't going to cut it . . . I don't think it sends a reciprocal message. Ask him out for a cup of coffee and donuts or something like that. My daughter's dogs tear up a tennis ball in less than a minute and leave a mess. I get why he doesn't want the tennis balls. I hear ya. I was just trying to return the favor of him giving me his used but practically brand new rain gear. If he accepted, then maybe I could have stepped it up after that. I was trying to show him that I don’t just accept gifts, but can give them as well. Plus mine being a gently used gift like his seemed to make sense too. Oh well 😔 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 14 minutes ago, kiwistwbry said: I hear ya. I was just trying to return the favor of him giving me his used but practically brand new rain gear. If he accepted, then maybe I could have stepped it up after that. I was trying to show him that I don’t just accept gifts, but can give them as well. Plus mine being a gently used gift like his seemed to make sense too. Oh well 😔 Quit beating yourself up... No disrespect to the other posters, but what kind of jackass just refuses a kind gesture from someone?? The item given or whether or not they would use it is immaterial...You accepted it(rain gear), because you are a kind person with some social conscience .. I have zero doubt that if he offered you a liverwurst sandwich and you hate liverwurst, you would have graciously accepted that as well...That's normal behavior.. This has nothing to do with him pushing you back or not trying to give you the wrong idea....Its about him and how he interacts with people... TFY. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 I agree with TFY. A packet of unwanted tennis balls is hardly, say, a bottle of fine whiskey. And if his dog would destroy them all, then it's a perfect gift for the dog. He's being weird. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 (edited) Kiwistwbry, please don’t believe that you did anything wrong. You didn’t. Your client asked you hey you have anything better to keep dry. You say no. He gives you one of his rain jackets from the closet and some rain pants. So you being the normal, kind person that you are, remember that you have brand spanking new tennis balls in the back of your car so you say hey I’ll give them to him for his dog. He says NO THANKS. TOTAL DOUCHEBAG MOVE. Edited December 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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