preraph Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Neither of you did anything wrong. His was just a practical solution to help you out whilst walking his dog. Yours was just a nice gesture, but tennis balls don't work for his dog. It isn't loaded with meaning or anything. He didn't want to take them if he couldn't use them. Don't make anything of it. There wasn't anything personal here and your feelings are hurt because there wasn't, but chances are he has NO idea you were hoping he was interested. So don't worry about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 27, 2019 Author Share Posted December 27, 2019 Preraph - Thanks for the reply. Hoping this hasn’t made things too awkward for him to end contact completely after all this. I guess we’ll see. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 As long as you just act normal and casual and keep to the subject of dog walking, he should be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 I have provided intimate services for a wide array of households and I have learned over the years that people who you provide a service for, get offended when you try to "Return the favor" when it comes to gifting... As a service provider, it is at the bare minimum in poor taste or even at times, offensive, to attempt to exchange gifts. You take it, you smile and nod and proceed as usual... You have to consider, when a gift is the catalyst for changing the dynamics between two individuals, that is more of a bribe, than a gift, if that makes any sense. Do not let gifts change the dynamics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 Be cool. Didn't mean any offence= no offence taken amongst mature people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 28, 2019 Author Share Posted December 28, 2019 (edited) Thank you all for the replies. I am new to being self employed (5 months) and have received gifts from several of my other clients as well, which were new earrings, gift cards, plain old cash, and Starbucks coffee grounds. May I mention that I don’t like the taste of coffee? However, not once did I ever contemplate refusing a gift, and never will I ever do that to anyone, period. I have since realized and come to the conclusion that albeit honest, which can be a good quality overall, this client who refused my act of paying it forward was not thinking of my feelings at all in the process. Unless it’s something offensive or you’re allergic to the product, common courtesy is to accept any gift, no matter the dynamic or relationship status, because that person put some amount of well-intentioned thought and effort into it. The least he could have done was acknowledge what I was trying to do, by saying something like, “Thank you for the thoughtful gesture, but I’m worried my dog would just destroy them and/or they could be a possible choking hazard for her.” Although he did tell me the dog could use them when older, after she’s no longer in destruction mode, so why didn’t he just think of holding onto them for the next 6 months, year, or whatever until his dog gets older? This guy has given me 2 gently used gifts over the last 2 months, one of which I’m not using anymore and probably won’t any longer, but will I return it? Nope. Because that could come across as me being ungrateful or not appreciating his gesture. I guess, “it’s the thought that counts” doesn’t hold water anymore. So yes, I’ll continue to keep our relationship at dog walking, which I had been doing, until he started mentioning going on one of the dog walks with us (my 10 yr old son and I), choosing to call me on the phone instead when I was always text messaging him (like I do with all of my other clients unless it’s an emergency), and giving me gently used gifts. I try to pay it forward to someone I could think of dating (amid what I thought were signals from him) since he is single as well, and has seemed like a very thoughtful guy up until this point, and I get nothing but embarrassment on top of rejection. Great client, not so great potential dating partner. LESSON LEARNED. There are several companies (both large and small) who gift their clients, to show them that they are appreciated (what an odd gesture in this day and age), and I will be carrying on that torch. Kindness being taken as offensive? As Michelle used to say in Full-House (one of my favorite shows growing up) ... HOW RUDE! Edited December 28, 2019 by kiwistwbry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 6 hours ago, kiwistwbry said: The least he could have done was acknowledge what I was trying to do, by saying something like, “Thank you for the thoughtful gesture, but I’m worried my dog would just destroy them and/or they could be a possible choking hazard for her.” Although he did tell me the dog could use them when older, after she’s no longer in destruction mode, so why didn’t he just think of holding onto them for the next 6 months, year, or whatever until his dog gets o lder? This guy has given me 2 gently used gifts over the last 2 months, one of which I’m not using anymore and probably won’t any longer, but will I return it? Nope. Because that could come across as me being ungrateful or not appreciating his gesture. I guess, “it’s the thought that counts” doesn’t hold water anymore. So yes, I’ll continue to keep our relationship at dog walking, which I had been doing, until he started mentioning going on one of the dog walks with us (my 10 yr old son and I), choosing to call me on the phone instead when I was always text messaging him (like I do with all of my other clients unless it’s an emergency), and giving me gently used gifts. I try to pay it forward to someone I could think of dating (amid what I thought were signals from him) since he is single as well, and has seemed like a very thoughtful guy up until this point, and I get nothing but embarrassment on top of rejection. Great client, not so great potential dating partner. LESSON LEARNED. There are several companies (both large and small) who gift their clients, to show them that they are appreciated (what an odd gesture in this day and age), and I will be carrying on that torch. Kindness being taken as offensive? As Michelle used to say in Full-House (one of my favorite shows growing up) ... HOW RUDE! I find myself concerned that you are taking this so hard. Did you have more feeling for him then you are acknowledging here? This is a very minor snafu. Easily corrected with a smile and chatty conversation. I get the feeling there is something else going on in your life that is magnifying this small event. Are you at an emotional low point where you can't see yourself happy in the future? You seem very aware and upbeat in your writing. Is there something else going on that makes this small incident in your life loom large? If you don't want to answer that's fine but I think you need to visit a good friend and have a blow out discussion. Good luck. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 28, 2019 Author Share Posted December 28, 2019 (edited) Schlumpy - my response was me concluding my thoughts on this situation, including a reply to the last 3 posters, Preraph, Capslock, and Ellener. 7 years of being single with a string of men along the way who have just proven to me why I should just continue staying single and enjoy my life. Thanks for the luck. I think I’ll need it. Edited December 28, 2019 by kiwistwbry Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 OP, am I missing something here? It seems la stretch to call a bag of tennis balls that has been sitting in your trunk that you don't need any more a "gift" he "rejected". It wasn't wrapped or anything. It sounds to me something like this..."Hey, I've got this bag of tennis balls I am not using, would you like them for your dog?" I think anyone could miss that you intended them as a "gift". He probably took it as "Hey, you want this?" 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 29, 2019 Author Share Posted December 29, 2019 (edited) Bach - yep, I was merely trying to pay it forward after he has given me a used headlamp he said he doesn’t have use for, and rain gear he said he doesn’t use anymore. He then called me the next day to tell me the rain gear was hanging up next to his front door on some hooks. When I got them later that day I swear it looked like they had been ironed. I really appreciated what he had done, thought he was maybe interested, and also wanted to return the favor. I thought the tennis balls were of equal value to his gently used “gifts”, or whatever you wanna call them, that he has given me. A gift is a gift is a gift. 🙄 Edited December 29, 2019 by kiwistwbry Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 2 hours ago, kiwistwbry said: Bach - yep, I was merely trying to pay it forward after he has given me a used headlamp he said he doesn’t have use for, and rain gear he said he doesn’t use anymore. He then called me the next day to tell me the rain gear was hanging up next to his front door on some hooks. When I got them later that day I swear it looked like they had been ironed. I really appreciated what he had done, thought he was maybe interested, and also wanted to return the favor. I thought the tennis balls were of equal value to his gently used “gifts”, or whatever you wanna call them, that he has given me. A gift is a gift is a gift. 🙄 To me these exchanges can be interpreted as far more casual than official gifts so my recommendation to you is to realize he likely meant nothing akin to rejecting your gift. My guess is he understood your offer as "Hey, would you have any use for these tennis balls for your dog?" and not as "I brought you a gift." Just my thoughts on this. I think you've invested a lot of emotional energy on this. If you are truly interested in him, maybe try something more obvious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) UPDATE: This morning I made a general post (including a pic of the practically brand new 17 “pressureless” TOURNA tennis balls in its reusable tote bag) on a local dogs Facebook group where I’m a member, and a nice lady said she would love to have them for her pup! We later met at a local park where they were exchanged free of charge. Happy ending Edited December 30, 2019 by kiwistwbry 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 My dog fetches and destroys and swallows tennis balls. Tennis balls are not made for dogs, they're just accidents waiting to happen with a big Vet bill at the end. As a dog walker you should be more sensitive to what can be used with dogs. If someone offered me a bag of tennis balls I'd refuse. I would not see it as a gift, just as something they want to part from, I would not accept the balls to be 'polite', my home got enough junk as it is. You have no reason to feel offended. I don't know why you see a bag of tennis balls sitting in your car as a gift, it was not a gift and it was not seen as one. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Still mind boggling to me that there are so many people that don't have the basic etiquette down here... OP...You did nothing wrong... Like I said. I am currently staring at 10 bottles of wine and booze that was given to me over the holidays...I wont use any of it, as I don't drink...But refusing it insults the giver...Ill just give it away to someone else or pour it down the sink... With the logic some of you are using, I should have just told those people …"nah...keep it....you can destroy your liver, id rather not".... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 thefooloftheyear, bottles of wine are 'gifts'. People went out of their way to pick a bottle for you and spent a bit of money. That you accept with grace. Something that's been laying in the back of your car isn't a gift, it's not something you purchased for someone in particular (like wine). Think of something you have in the back of your car right now, something that's been laying there for a while, something you don't need or want anymore. If you see your neighbor out and offer him those boost cables you're about to throw away, is that a gift? If your neighbor says 'no thanks' I got brand new cables, will you be offended? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Im kinda wore out on this topic... To answer your question, Gaeta, there has never been a time in my entire life, probably easily hundreds of times, where I told people that attempted to give me something that I refused it...Never….not once...Sure, there were plenty of times that the minute I lost sight of their taillights whatever was given to me went right in the trash, but I couldn't bring myself to refuse it....No matter how small or insignificant it was, someone took the time out of their day to give me something that they thought I could make use of...The actual item or its worth is immaterial.. I mean, really, think about it this way... 1)..You take the offering/gift and even though its not something you want, need or can use, you just graciously accept it and do whatever with it...(use it, dump it, etc) 2) You refuse it on grounds that its not something you want, etc...OK,,,now you create a scenario where the person thinks you are ungrateful,. rude, whatever.. To me, there is no logical reason to refuse it...Saying something like "oh, my dog wont like it" will just make the person feel weird or uncomfortable...why put them through that when its completely unnecessary.. .02 TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 If he had gone to the trouble of ironing "the gifts" then he thought he was doing something nice for you. It was probably a big deal to him. He didn't just grab some old jacket out of the back of his car and gave it to you he made an effort. This was not a birthday or a special event, it was a spontaneous gift, it didn't need reciprocated. Men especially old fashioned ones like to be the "giver", it can spoil the effect if you give them something in return. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 5 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: Still mind boggling to me that there are so many people that don't have the basic etiquette down here... OP...You did nothing wrong... Like I said. I am currently staring at 10 bottles of wine and booze that was given to me over the holidays...I wont use any of it, as I don't drink...But refusing it insults the giver...Ill just give it away to someone else or pour it down the sink... With the logic some of you are using, I should have just told those people …"nah...keep it....you can destroy your liver, id rather not".... TFY Right? It’s like I see that they’re saying stuff but I can’t believe it’s even coming out of their mouths. Humanity is doomed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 31, 2019 Author Share Posted December 31, 2019 (edited) Utter shock and disappointment as I read more posts from people to justify this guys curt behavior. And also (@Gaeta) that I should know better as a dog walker? Wow. I could use a few choice words, but I won’t. Aren’t forums made with the intention for others to help people instead of bash them? 🤷♀️ Not that it matters anyway, but just for the record, these “pressureless” TOURNA tennis balls (feel free to look them up if curious) are specifically made with dogs in mind, AND they are practically brand new. Yes, sitting in my trunk, but without a speck of dirt on them. I used them just a handful of times to practice playing t-ball with my son a few years ago. Great quality, made from non-toxic materials with extra-durable felt. 17 ball count plus reusable tote bag @ $15 value. Since many of you don’t seem to know what a gift is, here is a definition from the Webster’s Dictionary: something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation OR the act, right, or power of giving. It doesn’t matter what the item is. It can be considered a gift when the person has gone out of their way to 1) think of you, and 2) give you something without asking for something in return. And yes, I did go out of my way, despite some of you disagreeing, and thinking I just pulled these out of my (you know what) instead. Since “sitting in my trunk” makes some of you think they must be crusted with dog crap. If they were in such poor condition, do you think I would be donating them? 😐 Besides that, I guess some of you haven’t heard of the saying - IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. Unless the item is clearly offensive. And technically these were bought initially. Maybe not for this guy in particular, like a bottle of wine could have been, but I still used my hard earned money to buy them and later attempt to GIFT them to someone. And who’s to say these bottles of wine people are giving around were purchased by the initial giver? Maybe they actually don’t want it themselves and are just passing it along to someone who might use it. A lot of assumptions going around among the last few posters (minus TFY and KK). The guy gave me a used headlamp and rain gear. He told me the rain gear was sitting in his closet and *nail biting* who knows where the headlamp was!? Oh my god, the horror! LMAO By the way, the nice lady who graciously accepted them yesterday told me her German Shepard loves tennis balls. And you’re gonna tell me he’s going to be gentle with them? Psh. That probably never crossed her mind. What did was, “wait, this lady is giving me SEVENTEEN practically brand new, toxic-free AND durable tennis balls...completely FREE?! How nice of her! I better take them before someone else does!” She told me she was interested within just 10 minutes of my post. Well, I guess all is well in the world after all, despite a few bad apples 😉 🤗 Thank you to those here who were supportive. Edited December 31, 2019 by kiwistwbry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 (edited) For what it's worth, I pay stuff forward all the time. I've never considered my PIF stuff to be a gift to someone else. It's more about saving the item from landfill and knowing it will get a second lease on life. I would also prefer someone refuse my PIF thing than receive it and not use it. This is because one of my big learning experiences in life happened when I had my first baby and was given all this worn out (and even unsafe) PIF baby furniture. I learned then to nicely say 'no' to PIF offers which I don't want. I feel very differently about carefully chosen gifts. Edited December 31, 2019 by basil67 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted December 31, 2019 Author Share Posted December 31, 2019 (edited) 😂😂 Ya’ll are too much. ✌🍎 Edited December 31, 2019 by kiwistwbry Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 It's not because our view on gifts is different that we're bad people. If I've offered something I don't use to someone, I much prefer they say no thanks instead of accepting it and it ends up in a box in their basement. I would not feel offended at all, OP we're just different type of people, I don't sweat that type of small stuff. Lets say the guy had accepted your tennis balls and eventually you notice he never used them, lets say you see your tennis ball in his recycle bin, that wouldn't offend you even more than a 'no thank you'? Then you'd be here asking why he accepted them if he had no intention of using them while those tennis balls could have benefited someone that wanted them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted January 1, 2020 Author Share Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, Gaeta said: OP we're just different type of people Agreed 100% ✌🍎 Edited January 1, 2020 by kiwistwbry Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) The OP says she has "utter shock and disappointment" over posters who "justify this guys curt behavior". I think the OP came here with her mind already made up and was looking to have her emotions validated. Edited January 1, 2020 by bachdude 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiwistwbry Posted January 2, 2020 Author Share Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, bachdude said: The OP says she has "utter shock and disappointment" over posters who "justify this guys curt behavior". I think the OP came here with her mind already made up and was looking to have her emotions validated. On the contrary, a few posters on here actually helped me reach my conclusions, and for that I am thankful to them. The posts here clearly show the 180 I made from beating myself up over this, being bashed by other posters who said 1) I should’ve known better as a dog walker, 2) that it’s not that big of a deal so get over it, 3) telling me that what I gave him was CLEARLY not a gift because it wasn’t wrapped 🙄, or because of where I was storing the tennis balls and assuming they’re in awful condition, so that’s probably why he rejected my offering ... and the list goes on. To coming to my final realization that what I gave him was NOT appreciated, just like several of you would’ve reacted to someone giving them something in a similar situation based on what was said to me, and that it was rude of him, thanks to TFY and KK in particular. Welcome 2020! 🍎 Edited January 2, 2020 by kiwistwbry Link to post Share on other sites
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