Your new gf/bf is cheating on a previous partner: what to do?

[RecentChange]

On 12/31/2019 at 5:54 AM, Piddy said:

If you've ever really loved someone and was cheated on you never really get over it.  The scar tissue is still there for a lifetime.  It's the ultimate betrayal. 

Breaking up breaks your heart.  Cheating stomps on your heart in addition to breaking it.

Generalizations like this are not universal truths.

I have been cheated on and for me - this isn't true. Sure it was painful - but not to the level some people describe.

And sooo many variables come into play when talking about two humans and a relationship. For instance in my case, I honestly understood why he cheated. Didn't make it okay, but i got it. Which made it much easier for me to deal with, and for us to recover as a couple. 

[Piddy]

8 minutes ago, RecentChange said:

Generalizations like this are not universal truths.

I have been cheated on and for me - this isn't true. Sure it was painful - but not to the level some people describe.

And sooo many variables come into play when talking about two humans and a relationship. For instance in my case, I honestly understood why he cheated. Didn't make it okay, but i got it. Which made it much easier for me to deal with, and for us to recover as a couple. 

The post is my opinion as experienced by me.  Oh, I get that there's different opinions on this and that's fine.  To each their own as they say.  Every situation is different.  But here's the issue with me. 

If you really love someone and they love you, you have to know that cheating on them is going to hurt them tremendously.  The cheating partner is choosing their own selfish interests over their partner's feelings. 

And this my opinion also.  A cheated on partner can never do anything that caused the cheating partner to cheat.  That's solely on the cheating partner.  You could be the worst husband / wife / girlfriend / boyfriend in the world and nothing they could do can justify the cheating partner to cheat.  Unless they cheat themselves.

You cheat because you decided to cheat.  The responsibility to cheat is on the cheater.  The cheater must own it.  Again, I can respect other opinions.  This is just my opinion based on my own personal experience with a cheating partner.

[RecentChange]

Piddy, I agree with what you are saying.

I think sometimes when people cheat - the consequences become the last thing on their mind, they often do not consciously think about the pain they will inflict nor the magnitude of it.

I also agree that someone can't make you cheat - or be a valid excuse for cheating.

I'll say when it comes to cheating, there are no excuses, but there are reasons. Those reasons can be deep personal demons, situational reasons, a mix of this and that. 

If a cheater wants to get real with themselves (again, been on both sides of the coin myself) - they have to ask themselves WHY they cheated. And it's not because "my wife isn't putting out".

There's always more - it's asking yourself the questions and drilling deeper. And I guess in a way, that is what has allowed me to not take cheating so personally. It wasn't about ME, it was about him.

And vice versa the same was true for me.

[PRW]

12 hours ago, RecentChange said:

Generalizations like this are not universal truths.

I have been cheated on and for me - this isn't true. Sure it was painful - but not to the level some people describe.

And sooo many variables come into play when talking about two humans and a relationship. For instance in my case, I honestly understood why he cheated. Didn't make it okay, but i got it. Which made it much easier for me to deal with, and for us to recover as a couple. 

I agree.  By maintaining my perspective I am on friendly terms with everyone that I have been in relationships with or just dated, or even attempted to date (even the ex-wife before she died).  We have over-lapping social lives and we find ourselves at events together from time to time. We all do just fine.  I'm not one to point at a past event and blame it for my current status or condition,...it would just seem like "excuse making" to me..