miriam Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 Ok My ex and I have been broken up for about 3 months(dated almost a year)... He broke up with me because he was confused and not sure if i was "the one"...i have tried to be very understanding and patient with him...I know there are not other girls involved and that he is just confused about things in life etc. Our break up was pretty devastating to me. I have never in my life felt so strongly about someone. Anyway we have remained in contact with eachother because he would get very upset when I told him it was hard on me and that we needed to stop talking....we have even seen eachother a few times, but its always been on his terms. He still tells me that he loves me, but feels that he needs to take his time...I can not begin to tell you how extremely patient I have been with him.... Well this weekend my patience was tested a little. We live 3 hours away from eachother so he drove to see me this weekend. He drove up Saturday because he was afraid that if he drove up Friday he may get anxious and freak out. Hearing this does not exactly make me feel great about myself, but since i want to help him feel at ease I went along with it. So he drives up Saturday and we go to a concert with a group of friends. We had a great time, after the concert we go to a birthday party for a friend. By this time I would say its around 11pm and we had been drinking at the concert. Well my ex did not want to go to the party, but it was my friends birthday and I promised her I would stop by. The whole time we were there my ex pouted and would not even talk to me. This irritated me and hurt my feelings. Anyway a guy at the party starts talking to me and I decide to talk to him since my ex was ignoring me. Please keep in mind I do not normally do things like this but I just felt stretched to my wits end. I then went to sit down next to the guy and talk, well my ex was watching it and got extremely upset. I feel so awful, but all i really wanted was for him (my ex) to talk to me and i reacted in a childish way.....I mean nothing more than flirting happened with this guy, but my ex is making me feel like I am terrible person... I know what I did was wrong, but now my ex is telling me that he does not know if he ever wants to see me again...and I feel like i have lost him again...when i want even sure if i had him back in the first place......... I would appreciate any advice on what i can do to make things right.. i am eaten up with guilt and sadness Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 now my ex is telling me that he does not know if he ever wants to see me again... The best thing to do when someone says something like that is to simply agree and take it a step further. Something like: "You are right. I think it is best if we do not see each other again. I love you, but I can't deal with this and I need some time to myself to get my head and heart back together. During this time, it would best if we did not contact each other for a while. I understand that you are confused and don't know what you want out of this relationship, and I hope that you will understand that I simply have to step away from that confusion for my own sake. Take care, (your name)" Don't feel that you are 'pushing him away' or anything like that. You are under a false impression that there is something you can do to repair things. Fact is, there is nothing you can do. He holds the key to reconciliation and right now he would rather waste that chance with his "needing time" stuff. To reconcile, something needs to change in his mind and in his heart. That is a change only he can make. Nothing you do really can change his heart or his mind for him. All you can do is pull yourself out from under him, remove yourself from his "needing time" and see whether or not he is still as interested in "needing time". All that trying to be with him now is resulting in "needing time". Time to see if he still needs that "time" when you simply walk away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 I'm not sure I think you need to do anything, or feel guilty about anything. You didn't cheat: he broke up with you but still wants you to be waiting around while he makes up his mind. Not really fair. I realize you want him back, but you've already tried to explain to him that this half-relationship is painful for you, and he guilted you into staying in touch. He's pouty when you talk to other guys but doesn't want to commit himself. Maybe try again to go no contact? If you like, you can make it clear that it's not about dating other guys per se (although you'd be well within your rights to do so), but because waiting around is painful and not fair to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts