He stopped texting and I don't know why?

[miss2017]

I met a guy on a dating app about 2 weeks ago and we have been texting everyday, first on the app and then we moved into WhatsApp.

 

We seem to have a lot in common and it was fun texting. He is away for the holidays visiting his parents but I would like to meet when he comes back home.

 

The thing is, 2 days ago he stopped texting. Last time we texted for like 2h straight and it was really fun, I send him the link for a website I have about self development with some articles and videos, he said he was going to look into it and then since that it's silence.

 

I send him a message yesterday morning asking how he is, he responded with short answers. The last message was mine and he said nothing else since. He used to send goodnight messages or good morning, now nothing.

 

He is still on WhatsApp though.

 

I don't know why this sudden change. Maybe he didn't like something on my website?

 

I don't like this kind of things and it puts me off. I don't know if I should just delete his number or I should ask what's going on? It's just that I don't like to chase a guy who is ignoring me.

 

Any advice on what to do? Thank you!

Edited December 27, 2019 by miss2017

[Legatus]

Why haven't you met him face to face yet? I see a lot of people here saying that people can lose interest if they don't propose some kind of meeting within first two weeks.

 

You can ask him but do not expect that:

 

1. he will reply

2. he will reply honestly

3. if he replies honestly it's what you want to hear

[PRW]

This is just another dead-end "pen pal" thing.

 

He should have made a date right away, which he didn't. Bad sign. It usually means he doesn't know how,...too timid,...he just wants to hide behind his phone and live the fantasy in his head. If he ever meets you in person that fantasy vanishes and reality won't be as exciting to him.  I'm sure he is texting others as well and repeating the same pattern with them.  You aren't hearing from him because some other woman has got his "texting attention",...you may hear from him after she ghosts him.

Edited December 27, 2019 by PRW

[Gaeta]

When I was dating and coming across men that were out of town I would simply tell them 'ring me when you get back and we'll grab a coffee'. There was no way I'd text them for 2 weeks without having met them face to face first. I had so many 1st meetings that fell flat, I knew not to invest time and hope in someone on text.

 

So back to you. You do nothing. He's nobody to you. Get busy finding someone else. Maybe he was just looking for attention and he's got enough, maybe he just got busy it's the holidays. If he gets back to you then tell him to ring you when he gets back and you'll grab a coffee. Nothing more! I have 10s of stories for you of beautiful online connection that fall flat on 1st meeting. 

[PRW]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I have 10s of stories for you of beautiful online connection that fall flat on 1st meeting. 

 

People build a fantasy in their head of what the other person is like.  The longer the texting goes on without meeting (like 2 weeks) the more time there is to build up and embellish the fantasy which results in even a greater "let down" when meeting in person.  On the very rare occasion I use any of the OLD Apps I offer the date right in the first message session,...often by the 4th or 5th message. I don't want to give myself time to invent any fantasies and I don't want to give them time to do the same.  If they are too scared to meet me that quickly I just drop them. I treat it like, if they are on the app in the first place then they are "ready to date", and if they swiped "yes" on me than they have already said they want to meet, so offering the date quick is a way to weed out those who won't follow through on that implication, and try to just be pen pals.

Edited December 27, 2019 by PRW

[miss2017]

3 hours ago, PRW said:

This is just another dead-end "pen pal" thing.

 

He should have made a date right away, which he didn't. Bad sign. It usually means he doesn't know how,...too timid,...he just wants to hide behind his phone and live the fantasy in his head. If he ever meets you in person that fantasy vanishes and reality won't be as exciting to him.  I'm sure he is texting others as well and repeating the same pattern with them.  You aren't hearing from him because some other woman has got his "texting attention",...you may hear from him after she ghosts him.

 

I think you are absolutely right. He probably isn't emotionally available for anything real.

 

I found it weird that after a week of texting on the dating app he wasn't even asking for my phone number when we were texting everyday. I asked him if he wanted to move to WhatsApp and he said yes and we did. He then went away to visit his parents for Christmas but he didn't mention anything about meeting up before he goes or even meeting up when he comes back.

 

This really puts me off because I do want something real off the phone and into the real world.

 

He did text me today asking how I am, but I felt it was just to give some crumbs to keep the connection because he didn't say anything else after I responded.

 

Anyway, I met another guy on the same app and he asked me out already and we are meeting tomorrow and I'm going to focus on that instead.

 

 

Edited December 27, 2019 by miss2017

[miss2017]

2 hours ago, PRW said:

 

People build a fantasy in their head of what the other person is like.  The longer the texting goes on without meeting (like 2 weeks) the more time there is to build up and embellish the fantasy which results in even a greater "let down" when meeting in person.  On the very rare occasion I use any of the OLD Apps I offer the date right in the first message session,...often by the 4th or 5th message. I don't want to give myself time to invent any fantasies and I don't want to give them time to do the same.  If they are too scared to meet me that quickly I just drop them. I treat it like, if they are on the app in the first place then they are "ready to date", and if they swiped "yes" on me than they have already said they want to meet, so offering the date quick is a way to weed out those who won't follow through on that implication, and try to just be pen pals.

 

Yes, agree!

 

I usually want to text a bit just to see if we are on the same page, because there are guys who want to meet right away because they just want quick sex and that's not what I want.

 

So I like to text a bit just to see about that, but as soon as I understand that yes we are looking for the same, then I want to meet up too. Meet up in person is totally different from texting and I don't like to waste my time either building an idea of someone that then has nothing to do with reality.

 

This guy I feel just wants some attention and  that's it.

Edited December 27, 2019 by miss2017

[miss2017]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

When I was dating and coming across men that were out of town I would simply tell them 'ring me when you get back and we'll grab a coffee'. There was no way I'd text them for 2 weeks without having met them face to face first. I had so many 1st meetings that fell flat, I knew not to invest time and hope in someone on text.

 

So back to you. You do nothing. He's nobody to you. Get busy finding someone else. Maybe he was just looking for attention and he's got enough, maybe he just got busy it's the holidays. If he gets back to you then tell him to ring you when he gets back and you'll grab a coffee. Nothing more! I have 10s of stories for you of beautiful online connection that fall flat on 1st meeting. 

 

Yes exactly. It makes you feel like you have a wonderful connection but it's all an illusion. 

 

I'm going to do that, either do nothing or just tell him call me when you're back and we'll grab a coffee. I bet that coffee will never happen.

 

Anyway I have a date tomorrow with another guy who I met on the same app and asked me on a date, so going to focus on that instead.

Edited December 27, 2019 by miss2017

[miss2017]

Update: He sent a text message asking how I am, I replied back and he didn't say anything else. It felt his message was just to give some crumbles to keep the connection.

 

So I sent him a message saying we can meet and go for a coffee when he comes back from his holidays, until then take care. He replied saying yes ok. But I don't think there will be any coffee as we are clearly not a match and I'm not texting any more.

Edited December 27, 2019 by miss2017

[chillii]

Love the way when someone doesn't jump to attention round here suddenly he's a wimp or this or that.

Wth is wrong with people, unfrickenbelievale , not everyone is some dating robot following some internet manual like a clone.

Some of us like to get to know someone a bit , and then if the interest is there yeah sure you wanna meet them. l talked to a lot of people back when on the date site. What you think l was gonna jump up rushin off like some desperado go meet every damn one of them, bs, waste of damn time that would've been.

Believe me , it was well worthwhile spending some time chatting a bit first , it was amazing what comes out and just saves you both a whole lotta trouble in the end.

Maybe he's just not feeling it enough as yet, but then he's also had he's trip planned and he's been away with family, it's a busy time of year for people.

To me l'd say it's low interest , but , could be wrong, you could see what happens when he gets back , if you want.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 27, 2019 by chillii

[miss2017]

18 hours ago, chillii said:

Love the way when someone doesn't jump to attention round here suddenly he's a wimp or this or that.

Wth is wrong with people, unfrickenbelievale , not everyone is some dating robot following some internet manual like a clone.

Some of us like to get to know someone a bit , and then if the interest is there yeah sure you wanna meet them. l talked to a lot of people back when on the date site. What you think l was gonna jump up rushin off like some desperado go meet every damn one of them, bs, waste of damn time that would've been.

Believe me , it was well worthwhile spending some time chatting a bit first , it was amazing what comes out and just saves you both a whole lotta trouble in the end.

Maybe he's just not feeling it enough as yet, but then he's also had he's trip planned and he's been away with family, it's a busy time of year for people.

To me l'd say it's low interest , but , could be wrong, you could see what happens when he gets back , if you want.

18 hours ago, chillii said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like to text a bit first too before meet up face to face. There are lots of guys who want to meet up fast because they just want casual sex, and I'm not up for that.

Also, I like to see if we have anything in common, are on the same page and it makes sense to meet up. So chatting a bit is important so I don't waste my time. That bit of chatting saved me a LOT of first dates that would be totally a waste of time, because when they are not a match in just a bit of chat you can clearly see that.

In regards to this guy, yes I agree, low interest or he's not emotionally available. Either way, that's not what I want.

 

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Edited December 28, 2019 by miss2017

[Ellener]

On 12/27/2019 at 3:04 PM, chillii said:

Maybe he's just not feeling it enough as yet

Or too much. The man I kind-of know now we are going to be together in a soul-mate way told me he loved me highly inappropriately the third time we met ( and since ) but I just know I'd be wasting my time texting him unless it was a firefighter emergency type scenario...

The texting for a few days does however weed out certain 'deal-breaker' things.

[PRW]

On 12/27/2019 at 11:45 AM, miss2017 said:

I usually want to text a bit just to see if we are on the same page, because there are guys who want to meet right away because they just want quick sex and that's not what I want.

I supposed I am risking looking like that. But I'll take the risk. If they ask me "What I'm looking for" at that early point I am just going to say "A good restaurant and my car keys".  Getting to know someone is what the date is for (it isn't a relationship), so the date is the time to figure that stuff out. To be honest, I'm not expecting to decide what I am looking for (with respect to this hypothetical woman) until around 2 months in.  Until that happens it is all Causal Dating, we both still have our freedom, it is not a relationship yet.

Additional note for clarification: Casual Dating and Casual Sex are two entirely different things. You can do either one completely without the other.  You can casually date without sex, and you can have casual sex without dating (aka "Friends with Benefits"  [FWB])

Edited December 30, 2019 by PRW

[miss2017]

31 minutes ago, PRW said:

I supposed I am risking looking like that. But I'll take the risk. If they ask me "What I'm looking for" at that early point I am just going to say "A good restaurant and my car keys".  Getting to know someone is what the date is for (it isn't a relationship), so the date is the time to figure that stuff out. To be honest, I'm not expecting to decide what I am looking for (with respect to this hypothetical woman) until around 2 months in.  Until that happens it is all Causal Dating, we both still have our freedom, it is not a relationship yet.

Additional note for clarification: Casual Dating and Casual Sex are two entirely different things. You can do either one completely without the other.  You can casually date without sex, and you can have casual sex without dating (aka "Friends with Benefits"  [FWB])

When someone asks you "What are you looking for" is not about them in specific, but what are you looking for in general. What are your INTENTIONS on the dating app.

Because for example if someone is looking just for a ONS and the other one doesn't do ONS and is looking to properly date and know each other over time, what's the point in meeting? 

So, now you know that when a woman asks you that on the dating app, she doesn't want to know what do you want from her, but what do you want in general. And if you don't know how to give a straight answer to that (whatever is you're looking for), then you shouldn't be on the dating app in the first place.

Smart women don't go on dates with men that cannot give a clear answer to what they are looking for.

Edited December 30, 2019 by miss2017

[PRW]

2 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

When someone asks you "What are you looking for" is not about them in specific, but what are you looking for in general. What are your INTENTIONS on the dating app.

I know. 

....and yes, I am intentionally redirecting the intent of it if they ask me that.

But the answer isn't that simple. I am not "on a mission".

I am late in life. The number of good candidates is less every day.  Some get in relationships. Some die. Some just have the years catch up to them and I just don't feel that attracted to them in a romantic or sexual way,...although I met one two nights ago that was 60 and looked 30. I pragmatically know that the chance of me getting married again is low.  It isn't even all that high that I will be in any LTR for that matter. So I am open to Marriage, I am open to Exclusive Dating, I am open to Casual Dating. I have also done enough self-improvement on myself over the last half-decade or so that I will do just fine completely alone.  And who knows,...although it certainly would be my last choice, I could even find myself in a FWB situation in some limited fashion.  Bottom line is that I am open to whatever the future brings my way,...I am not on a mission.  Therefore I really cannot answer that question (although, I guess I may have just done that here. But I'm not going to put all this in a "chat box" on a Dating App)

[miss2017]

5 hours ago, PRW said:

I know. 

....and yes, I am intentionally redirecting the intent of it if they ask me that.

But the answer isn't that simple. I am not "on a mission".

I am late in life. The number of good candidates is less every day.  Some get in relationships. Some die. Some just have the years catch up to them and I just don't feel that attracted to them in a romantic or sexual way,...although I met one two nights ago that was 60 and looked 30. I pragmatically know that the chance of me getting married again is low.  It isn't even all that high that I will be in any LTR for that matter. So I am open to Marriage, I am open to Exclusive Dating, I am open to Casual Dating. I have also done enough self-improvement on myself over the last half-decade or so that I will do just fine completely alone.  And who knows,...although it certainly would be my last choice, I could even find myself in a FWB situation in some limited fashion.  Bottom line is that I am open to whatever the future brings my way,...I am not on a mission.  Therefore I really cannot answer that question (although, I guess I may have just done that here. But I'm not going to put all this in a "chat box" on a Dating App)

There's this saying: "when you don't don't know what you look for, you find nothing". Or sometimes you find a lot of creepy stuff and problems.

Guys on dating apps that don't know what they want or can't clearly and quickly say what they want is an instant turn off to me. Ok if you are 20 or even 30 and are exploring and finding yourself, but at 40 which is my age? You've had enough experience and you should know what you want.

I know exactly what I want, so I want a man on the same page.

I'm not available for anything casual or ONS or the sorts. I want to find my true love match and be in a relationship where we can grow together. That, or nothing. I'm laser sharp focused and don't entertain confused guys. That's why I like to chat a bit before meeting. Might not the the right guy at the end of the first date, but at least I know we are on the same page.

 

Edited December 30, 2019 by miss2017

[PRW]

4 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

There's this saying: "when you don't don't know what you look for, you find nothing". Or sometimes you find a lot of creepy stuff and problems.

I'm not a clueless 20yo on a Dating App.  I know exactly what I am doing. I care about what I want to care about, and don't care about what I choose to not care about. It is not my problem if it doesn't line up with what someone else wants me to care about.  If I date someone "what I want" depends a lot on "what they are", and that isn't going to get sorted out on the first few dates,...or a handful of texts before the first date.  They are also under my scrutiny as well,...I'm not sitting there with my fingers crossed hoping they will accept me.

[PinkFlamingo]

On 12/27/2019 at 10:04 PM, chillii said:

Love the way when someone doesn't jump to attention round here suddenly he's a wimp or this or that.

Wth is wrong with people, unfrickenbelievale , not everyone is some dating robot following some internet manual like a clone.

Some of us like to get to know someone a bit , and then if the interest is there yeah sure you wanna meet them. l talked to a lot of people back when on the date site. What you think l was gonna jump up rushin off like some desperado go meet every damn one of them, bs, waste of damn time that would've been.

Believe me , it was well worthwhile spending some time chatting a bit first , it was amazing what comes out and just saves you both a whole lotta trouble in the end.

Maybe he's just not feeling it enough as yet, but then he's also had he's trip planned and he's been away with family, it's a busy time of year for people.

To me l'd say it's low interest , but , could be wrong, you could see what happens when he gets back , if you want.

I assume you were lucky and haven't experienced that penpal syndrome yet. I've met so many guys and chatted with them for months, nope years, and yet, no date. Some guys definitely want a fantasy and/or are just looking for online entertainment, someone to exchange messages with when they're waiting for the bus or sitting on the toilet.

Sometimes you chat and find out things that disqualify them as a partner, that's true, but most of the time I just found out that they are too lazy for a date and are happy with sending messages back and forth. 

[miss2017]

19 hours ago, PRW said:

I'm not a clueless 20yo on a Dating App.  I know exactly what I am doing. I care about what I want to care about, and don't care about what I choose to not care about. It is not my problem if it doesn't line up with what someone else wants me to care about.  If I date someone "what I want" depends a lot on "what they are", and that isn't going to get sorted out on the first few dates,...or a handful of texts before the first date.  They are also under my scrutiny as well,...I'm not sitting there with my fingers crossed hoping they will accept me.

Yes I get that. But the thing is you are open to whatever might happen, and THAT is what you are looking for and you should respond to them when they ask you the question "what are you looking for". THAT is the honest answer, not the "A good restaurant and my car keys" answer you give them.

To me the person I am looking for is not someone who is open to whatever. Is someone who is also looking for the right one to be in a relationship. So for example you and me are not compatible or on the same page and if we met on a dating app we could figure that out quickly on a bit of a chat instead of having to go on a date and waste our time. And a lot of other women don't also want to waste their time.

[miss2017]

2 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said:

I assume you were lucky and haven't experienced that penpal syndrome yet. I've met so many guys and chatted with them for months, nope years, and yet, no date. Some guys definitely want a fantasy and/or are just looking for online entertainment, someone to exchange messages with when they're waiting for the bus or sitting on the toilet.

Sometimes you chat and find out things that disqualify them as a partner, that's true, but most of the time I just found out that they are too lazy for a date and are happy with sending messages back and forth. 

I have experienced that penpal syndrome before yes, but I quickly dismiss them.

I like a bit of a chat before a date, but I don't like the texting endlessly and especially the feeling that you have a connection with the other person without knowing each other face-to-face and without mentioning meeting. That to me is playing a dangerous game.

Yes, many guys just want a bit of feminine energy to feed them (because they are married, because they are emotionally unavailable, because they are bored at work, etc), but are not open to a real relationship.

So after a while texting and especially when I feel I would like to meet, if they don't mention it to me that's a red flag. And if I mention it to them and they give excuses, that's a red flag too and I'm out.

No way I would spend months texting without meeting. I would text maximum time a week and that's it.

Edited December 31, 2019 by miss2017

[PRW]

19 hours ago, miss2017 said:

I'm not available for anything casual or ONS or the sorts. I want to find my true love match and be in a relationship where we can grow together. That, or nothing. I'm laser sharp focused and don't entertain confused guys. That's why I like to chat a bit before meeting. Might not the the right guy at the end of the first date, but at least I know we are on the same page.

Scrolling back through posts to fresh my mind on the context I picked up on this.

"Not into casual".  That is going to be a big problem for you. You have to go through the casual before you can get to the serious. You are wanting to jump straight to the middle of the movie and not be involved with the beginning.  I think that is why you misunderstand my "open the the future" attitude. You think that me saying I am open to the future means that any outcome to me is equal,...it is not. I have a preference for a particular outcome, but I am smart enough to know that life doesn't always give you want you want and I'm not going to throw people away because initial thoughts, goals, and impression don't seem to align perfectly with a predetermined preferred result,...before I even get to the first date.

I think I already addressed the assumption that guys who aren't going along with the template are confused.

So if someone wants to find out my "goals, dreams, plans" they are going to have to find out on the date and it won't all happen on the first date.  For the most part I now offer dates to women face to face in person and not by texts or "dating apps",...so the whole text chit-chatting before the 1st date is completely removed from the table.

[GuitarGuy7]

There could be a number of reasons why he stopped talking to you.  I'm a guy and these are some of the reasons why I would stop texting a girl. 

 

1. He's probably tried to stalk you on various social media platforms to get a better indicator of what you look like. Maybe he found some additional pictures of you online and realized that he's not physically attracted to you.  This is common with fat girls, who often try and make themselves look skinny and hotter than they actually are in their online dating photos, but if you stalk their Facebook, you realize they're pretty overweight.  If this describes you, then don't be too surprised if this is the reason why he stopped talking to you.  

 

2. He found another girl who he is more attracted to and who is also interested in him. This is more likely if the guy you're talking to is pretty attractive and they will simply have more options.

 

3. The guy you're talking to is a catfish and not a real person.  (If the guy is male model tier looks, then this is a possibility. If the guy is average or sub-par looks, then highly unlikely since why would you want to pretend to be an ugly guy if you'd never get any responses?) 

 

4. He's moving out of town.  (unlikely)

[PRW]

37 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

Yes I get that. But the thing is you are open to whatever might happen, and THAT is what you are looking for and you should respond to them when they ask you the question "what are you looking for". THAT is the honest answer, not the "A good restaurant and my car keys" answer you give them.

No that isn't an accurate interpretation.  No, "whatever happens", is not what I am looking for. But I expanded on this in another response that should show up just above of below this one.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have long found texting a waste of time other than initial introductions, willingness to share personal information (phone number) to help eliminate scammers, and a method to communicate to meet. Unless there is a legitimate reason, I ALWAYS meet within the first week of contact. Brief coffee meetup and from there, decide if more contact is desired. I can find out all I need to, in person, having more discerning body cues, language, to determine whether the person is authentic (more of less) or not. I learn TONS more meeting the person. I understand some people wanting to text for some time before meeting, but found only a handful of people who didn't want to meet sooner than later.

[stillafool]

On 12/28/2019 at 10:24 AM, miss2017 said:

In regards to this guy, yes I agree, low interest or he's not emotionally available. Either way, that's not what I want.

Then why did you send him that text to meet up when he gets back in town?  Why didn't you wait for him to ask you to meet first?  Why waste more energy on this dead end when you have another guy who is actually showing interest and taking you on a date?