Am I still an OW?

[Aladka]

I have been in affair with my MM for almost a decade. We met when I was still in my 20’s and a working student. At that time I didn’t know that he is still married,m because he said that he’s been divorce for years. I fell in love with him and we became lovers. He supported me financially so things became easy for me. But 4 years later I found out that he’s still married. I was devastated and realized why he couldn’t marry me despite him always saying so.

 

Anyways I kept it a secret that I found his secret already. Thinking how am I going to take revenge or how am I going to hurt him. 
I wondered how... and wondered if me leaving him will make any difference or will it leave an impact or not.

Should I just leave without saying anything? Tell him about his secret or just cheat on him as well?

 

But I started to think how much he helped me.... I thought ghosting him will be too much. I decided to just enjoy the game he is playing.

 

 

Years later. I met someone but the connection wasn’t as strong as with MM but still I do loved him.

 I broke up with MM and decided to live with the guy. But then again MM and me get back in touch with each other (though not sexually )but we still text each other everyday. Talk like we used to. I am hiding it from my bf. 

 

Still I wonder... Did MM really loved me?

How come his wife never got a hint?

[BaileyB]

You have surely wasted a lot of time on this MM. You learned the truth, and stayed. That says a lot.

If you are hiding him from your boyfriend, that tells me that you know it’s a problem. 

My advice - you need to end it once and for all with your MM. You can’t be in another relationship and still communicate with your MM. That’s not a recipe for success and it’s not fair to your new boyfriend. 

 

Edited December 28, 2019 by BaileyB

[Aladka]

I do not really think I wasted my time. Yeah I wish I had known he was married from the start maybe I would’ve avoided him and not fall.

As for now I still don’t think I can completely cut communication with him...whenever my bf is not at home he’s the one I feel happy to talk with. We are not doing anything sexual but just more like best friend talk... Maybe someday I will completely cut ties with him but for now I am doing it slowly.

 

 

[Amethyst68]

So I take it your communication is all open and above board? Nothing is hidden from your BF, after all why would you hide just talking with your best friend.

The answer to your question is yes you are still an OW and you are cheating on your BF, albeit not physically. The fact you had to start a thread to confirm nothing's going on just proves it!

[Hip Pocket]

Why didn’t you ever tell your MM that you knew he was M? Maybe that would have made a difference, maybe he would have decided to get a D if he knew how upset it made you. 
 

Clearly  you are not over him. Why don’t you ask him if he plans on getting a D? 

[BaileyB]

22 hours ago, Aladka said:

As for now I still don’t think I can completely cut communication with him...whenever my bf is not at home he’s the one I feel happy to talk with. We are not doing anything sexual but just more like best friend talk... Maybe someday I will completely cut ties with him but for now I am doing it slowly.

 

 

No, you clearly are not prepared to cut ties with him. But, if you are communicating with another man in secret, does that not tell you that there is something very wrong with this situation? 

It’s the old question - how would you feel if your boyfriend was communicating with another woman in secret throughout your entire relationship? Especially, a woman with whom he had previously had a sexual relationship? I ask only because there is a certain lack of empathy in your post. Do you have the ability to put yourself in his position and consider the situation from his perspective? 

[Shauna26]

If i was you i would end it i know its going to be hard but its best i end with my lover last week but he still trying to talk to me and get with me