My boyfriend had a small talk with his ex-girlfriend, is that cheating?

[OatsAndHall]

I have been "friends" with an ex girlfriend on Facebook since the site's inception. She's married with three kids and has built a great life for herself. We don't have feelings for each other but we used to "like" or comment on each other's posts and she'd message me to catch-up through the messenger every six months or so. She cut way back on the benign "liking" or commenting and doesn't message me anymore. I get the feeling her husband took a dislike to it and I am completely fine with that. Some random b.s. interaction isn't worth causing problems in a marriage.

My take on it is pretty simple; if one's SO has an issue with them staying in touch with an ex, then the interaction should stop. If that interaction is more important than the SO's feelings, then there's an issue. None of my exes are worth upsetting a girlfriend over.

Edited December 30, 2019 by OatsAndHall

[kendahke]

  

On 12/28/2019 at 1:34 PM, Claire_123 said:

We also have the passwords to each others social media accounts but promised not to read messages for privacy.

But, I checked

So, on some level, you believe he's a liar.  That being the case here, why are you squandering youth behind dealing with a liar?

Why didn't you just ask him about the conversation at the time instead of snooping behind his back?

Seeing as "Communication is a must for us, we tell each other everything" (obviously it isn't),  when are you going to tell him you broke your promise to not snoop?  To not do so is called "lying by omission".

Right now, you don't have the moral high ground and that's why you can't face him with this. If right was on your side, you'd fear nothing and no man.

[Kaarek]

Every relationship has different terms and habits.

I, personally, find quite unnecessary to speak with your exes unless they're childhood close friends you've known your entire Life (but even then).

You should have a serious talk with your lover and tell him the fact he still speaks with his ex bothers you extremely, see his reaction and what he's intending to do about it.

I can tell you from my (personal) experience that exes that lurk around are never good signs.

Also you said you've both shared passwords and you're not supposed to check each other's messages but you somehow saw her messages?

I used to think sharing passwords is a sign of trust but often you get situations like this one and this is why people needs their own privacy.

Best Regards

Edited December 31, 2019 by Kaarek

[JTSW]

Hi Claire, 

Did you talk to your boyfriend about this? 

How is everything?

I see some people drawing on their own experiences but don't let anything scare you.

I genuinely don't think you have anything to worry about.

[OatsAndHall]

On 1/3/2020 at 5:34 AM, JTSW said:

Hi Claire, 

Did you talk to your boyfriend about this? 

How is everything?

I see some people drawing on their own experiences but don't let anything scare you.

I genuinely don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

I don't know that it's anything necessarily "worry" over. But, I do feel that it is something that is worthy of a discussion if it's bothering her. This is a grey area within relationships for most people because it can be painted as controlling or jealousy when it really might be a legitimate concern.  And, it varies from relationship to relationship. If someone doesn't take issue with an SO having contact with an ex, then GREAT! They know their SO, they know their relationship and they're comfortable with things. But, if that contact sets off the "Spidey-sense" then I feel that they need to act on it and at least have a conversation.

 

I'm dating a wonderful woman right now and I am quite happy to be with her. It's been far easier for us to grow closer and trust each other as we agree that exes won't be a part of each other's lives. We both agreed that there are a lot of things working against a couple in the beginning of a relationship and contact with an ex shouldn't be one of them.

[d0nnivain]

IMO you are overreacting.  It was a brief conversation months ago over social media.  If it was on going & the was continuous flirting that would be cause for concern.  But a one time thing, ah, not so much. 

Personally I don't see the point in staying connected to EXs via social media but that is just me.  It's a new world out there.  This is one of those ways that social media screws up relationships. 

Every so often maybe once or twice a year I bump into EXs of mine.  We're all in the same profession so it's inevitable.  I will spend a few minutes chatting -- how's life, how's the family etc.  It's all above board.  It's very casual.  I'm not cheating on my husband by being polite.