Lap Dances

[LucreziaBorgia]

What is this room? Should I ask him?

 

It varies with the club and with the girl in question as to what goes on in there. Technically... no sex. I have a feeling if you ask him, though you won't get a straight answer about the room, or what he may or may not have done there.

 

I take it you have talked to him about this whole thing in general? What is his take on strip clubs and stuff like that? Its apparent you think that it is cheating, but I'm curious about why he thinks it isn't. I expect that answer will help you more in the long run with this guy than finding out what went on in that particular Champaign room.

[GuySimple]

I’m not trying to make excuses here but it seems that maybe your H went away with the guy’s got carried away and did something that, at least in this country, does not represent infidelity and is unknown to the male population. The fact that he told you is very noble.

 

It may be hard to believe but sometimes men don’t behave in the most intelligent sort of way. Yes I know, but it’s true. Mix alcohol, male friends and naked women and we are down-right stupid.

 

To give you the geographic lay of the average strip bar with lap dancers, which incidentally are most strip bars in Ontario and Quebec, they occur in the “back room”. The dances consist of the stripper moving around the willing gentleman in obviously a sultry sort of way. Now the fact that your fellow came home in one piece means that he didn’t touch the sultry vixen because these dances are done under the watchful eye of some very large, very mean, bouncers who would take great pleasure in cracking the skull of a drunken American businessman.

 

Regarding the private room. Not saying it didn’t happen but you may want to check the credit card receipt or cash withdrawals because I can assure you this would not be a cheap service. The lap dance goes for about $50 for a couple of minutes. Yes that seems like a lot but to some men that 50 bucks is worth, in manly stories around the urinal, about as much as a 5 hour fight with a 200 lbs Marlin, which would be way more expensive then $50.

 

My advice, chalk it up to just some road trip manly fun, but next time Chippendales are in town make him take you.

[blueriver]

He did say he was sorry but he wanted to point out he didn't feel it was wrong.... So, I guess he is sorry that I'm mad and not sorry that he made that choice. He also agreed if it bothers me this much he wouldn't do it again. HOWEVER, the wedding was last night and all the boys were given my husband a high five and calling him, 'crazy man'. Now, I suppose this could occur without any suspsion on my part except, when I asked him why they call him 'crazy man' he said, "Hm, I don't know."

Guy Simple, you said check credit card reciepts. He took 120 in cash for just the bars and I saw 60 withdrawn from St. Catherine Street ATM at 10 pm. (How could he blow 120 in just 2 hours and need another 60?

[hooghie]

He did say he was sorry but he wanted to point out he didn't feel it was wrong.... QUOTE]

 

 

then he wouldn't see anything wrong with you grinding a naked guy. Maybe you should go to a bar and grind someone for a few minutes and then tell your H - 'I didn't do anything wrong. I told him I was married and that he can't touch me'

 

On the $ thing. That's really not a lot to spend at one of these places. 2 days after I told my ex I wanted a separation, he went to a strip club and spent $1400 in the champagne room. They were all in $100 increments on our credit card. He told me 'there was some touching, but nothing bad.' Whatever that means. My guess is that a lot of these places allow some touching- at least on the woman's part if a club in Boston (where the ex went) allows it.

 

It's funny, him going helped me confirm that I didn't care for him anymore because the only thing that bothered me about it was that he spent $1400 of OUR $.

[blueriver]

exactly!!! "our" money was spent for his (can't say cheap) thrills. Hey, can anyone tell me more about this champaign room? Does anyone know what really happens in there?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Does anyone know what really happens in there?

 

That's just it. There is no one thing that "really happens". What happens depends on the club and the arrangement between the girl and the client. What 'really happened' in there, will no doubt end up staying in there.

[GuySimple]

Blueriver,

Hum, St. Catherine’s St., Montreal? Fun place. Spending $180 for a night of fun there is not much. Getting more than a little coochy coochy for that kind of money in that part of Montreal is unlikely. Like I said before I don’t think you have anything to worry about. The fact that his mates did the high fives and called him crazy man probably means he had lots of fun and probably drank a fair bit. But, if he did something inappropriate their probably not going to bring attention to him for fear of people start asking questions.

[blueriver]

Thanks Guysimple. Thats a good point.

[Chicana]

Lap dances very rarely do not involve touch. Most are full body contact with much grinding and touching. The worry part comes if it really bothers you especially mentally. And of course there is the fear that I faced which was the dancers are not always business and exchanged phone numbers with and agreed to date my husband. It really made my self esteem suffer and I haven't recovered yet. Please force him to listen to all your concerns and if you can come to some sort of agreement it would be better. But, remember the next club is always just around the corner with easy access and the girls are doing their jobs if they can score the lap dance. The only one hurt is the one who doesn't know exactly what is happening or what could happen later. Make your feelings and expectations clear.

[MrsP]

When my husband of 4 years had 11 hard core porno mags and strip club promos spill out of engineering plans he brought home from one of his weekly work trips, he had to admit that that "disappearing" money had gone down the crotches of lots of hard working hard bodies. We had an 8 month old at the time and I thought I'd been a good wife, too, but I should have guessed something when he chose to go back on the road when his son was less than a month old. I would have left him if we hadn't had children, but it is three years later, and we're still together. YES, I still hate when he goes out of town and YES I hate his boss for "treating" him to the backroom dance at Baltimore's Night Shift 5 MONTHS ago that "somehow" left glitter all over his boxers (yes, wives should be concerned about VIP rooms in America too). However, he holds over my head the fact that he has this "other option." Since telling me about the strip club habit, we have had sex every night (its fun, but I know he'll start his out of town plans if one night I'm too exhausted), I lost 30 post-baby pounds in 6 weeks to weigh exactly what I did when we dated (because he reminds me that strip clubs offer something worth looking at) and I wear clothes I never would have considered before (because he says he can pay to see it on me or one of those girls). I agree that our marriage hasn't been the same since I found out about the club habit, but my remembering to be hurt by it is equalled by his reminding me I'm in constant competition with those hard working hard bodies.

[fudgit]

Whats wrong with me?

 

I can't believe that's the first thing that you asked! There is nothing wrong with you! This situation clearly makes you uncomfortable, regardless of what actually happened behind closed doors.

 

You have a right to set boundaries in your relationship and to expect your husband to respect them!

[preferwhispers]

When my husband of 4 years had 11 hard core porno mags and strip club promos spill out of engineering plans he brought home from one of his weekly work trips, he had to admit that that "disappearing" money had gone down the crotches of lots of hard working hard bodies. We had an 8 month old at the time and I thought I'd been a good wife, too, but I should have guessed something when he chose to go back on the road when his son was less than a month old. I would have left him if we hadn't had children, but it is three years later, and we're still together. YES, I still hate when he goes out of town and YES I hate his boss for "treating" him to the backroom dance at Baltimore's Night Shift 5 MONTHS ago that "somehow" left glitter all over his boxers (yes, wives should be concerned about VIP rooms in America too). However, he holds over my head the fact that he has this "other option." Since telling me about the strip club habit, we have had sex every night (its fun, but I know he'll start his out of town plans if one night I'm too exhausted), I lost 30 post-baby pounds in 6 weeks to weigh exactly what I did when we dated (because he reminds me that strip clubs offer something worth looking at) and I wear clothes I never would have considered before (because he says he can pay to see it on me or one of those girls). I agree that our marriage hasn't been the same since I found out about the club habit, but my remembering to be hurt by it is equalled by his reminding me I'm in constant competition with those hard working hard bodies.

 

MrsP, this sounds so depraved, I had to register to join this forum upon reading this. I've seen a few of your other posts, and I can't imagine what it is like to tread water like this.

[Kenyth]

I had a bachelor party where they took me to strip clubs. I also went to a couple when I was younger. $180 is a pittance to party at strip clubs. Drinks are $5 each and not all that big. You also must tip for the drinks. If you want to sit at the front, you'll spend at least $10 an hour in tips. The girls walk around and try to get cash out of you constantly. They are like pretty little vampires, only interested in one thing. The size of your wallet! At any rate, I can't see him getting a prostitute and partying all night for $180.

 

I only went because it was a bachelor party and I was expected to. I went with a group. A couple of them were trusted freinds of my wife so they could vouch for my behavior. The lap dances bought for me were just what they were. Close dancing and no touching. I spent very little money so I couldn't be thought to have paid for a prostitute. I was not a very popular customer for it.

 

There are places that front for prostitution and girls who try to earn a little extra from what I hear, but I didn't ever see any of them.

 

Regardless, I still paid heavily for it when I got home and for quite a few days after. The fact that I spent little and had witnesses helped. I expected her to be mad and did my best to make up for it. It doesn't matter whether it's right or wrong. It hurt her feelings. It simply wasn't an issue anymore within a week or two.

 

I don't think anything happened, and if he's quit going to them since, I'd forget about it. It's been a few years and time to let it go. I'd be willing to bet this is just a convenient front for another issue between you two.

[InTheMachine]

I think somebody nailed it up above: this whole thing depends on if his visits to strip clubs happen once a decade or once a day.

 

I've been maybe 5 times in my life. The last time I think Clinton was still in his first term. Next time will probably be somebody bachelor party. It's no big deal. Just guy bonding, men being stupid, drinking beer, and gawking at babes before going home to the ones we actually love.

 

Now if your guy is going all the time, if he has favorites, if he's spending your kid's college account on lap dances .... then ya got yourself a big problem.

[MrsP]

It is the holiday season, Blueriver, and I was hoping you and your husband have found some peace. I just got so sad the other day my husband stopped what he was doing and held me and held me. It was so nice to have him share a side of himself that I know no stripper would be interested in. Ask your hubby to hold you tight for a long, long time and put his arms around you and tie them there if he doesn't hear your request the first time. These connections on the intranet are reassuring, but there is nothing like a real embrace to remind you there is a new year to step into right around the corner.

[It's all good]

But if it really bothers you that he engaged in it than you should tell him and he should stop. Porn and stuff Is not cool for me but at least it's not the real thing. Too many risks involved. You can't get std's from a mag. or movie!

 

And It seems all guys NEED porn. I just don't get it.

Men, help me out here. What do you get out of it? What did this guy get out of a lap dance? Was he worried about how his woman would feel about it when he was getting one??????