Mustbestupid Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 I am so confused and suicidal with what's happening I have no one I can talk to and its killing me... 10 years ago I met aman who was married but didnt want to be with her over the years he has become so unhappy and his mental health is going from bad to worse 3years ago he split with her and I gave up my life to go and live with him he then got rid of me after 3days and moved her back in.i was devastated I loved him so much I moved 70miles back home and tried to get on with my life only after a few weeks he told me he wanted to try again just taking it slowly.fast forward to last year he was just being so horrible to me he was nasty made me feel worthless blamed me for everything. I finally ended it and he couldn't care less .I started dating again I hated it all I really wanted was him anyway turns out he wanted me back he said he didnt realise how much he loved me etc to cut along story short moved in with him in July leaving everything my house my kids grandchildren job to be with him.its been so hard but I really thought he was worth it I loved him still love him but now he is obsessing over his ex wife again and I have to just listen and try to understand hes killing me I just dont think I can carry on anymore.i dont wanna life without him in it but I cant keep feeling like this .I just want to die and be free of all this heartache Link to post Share on other sites
alterest Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 Hey, darling. First of all, don't blame yourself. You've made your decisions in the past and that's ok. He sounds someone pretty instable, huh?! And I will tell you something: He is not going to change. He did it to his ex, to you and probably with other women. Did you ever watched House M.D.? Everytime he said: 'People don't change'. And sadly that's true, we only change when we have to, and he doesn't have to. And he was abusive (at least toxic): Blaming you?! Make you feel worthless?! Nah, don't keep any relationship with someone that make you feel bad. For you: Delete and block him in every social media, do it to his phone number as well, and to his email and so on. Delete any message, so you can not read them and don't date anyone just to have date. Be happy being you and eventually someone pretty nice will appear and you will decide if you want that person or not. And, belive, you can leave without him. Didn't you live without him before you met him? Didn't everyone here live without him? He is not the center of any universe, so don't make him be the center of your universe. You are the center of your own universe. And, please, don't kill yourself. I know it's hard now, but everything will be easier sooner. I promise it to you. There's a lot of people that love you so much and those people deserve your love, not an imature and irresponsible random dude. Go to a therapy (I did and it was so good to me), start to do things that you like with people that you love. At the begining it will so hard to do, but everything will gona be easier. Just give some time to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 5 hours ago, Mustbestupid said: . . . be free of all this heartache You have the absolute power and control over whether or not you are free of all this heartache. Take yourself by the shoulders and shake yourself! Do what you need to do which is to get away from the situation as soon as possible and deal with the grieving in a better/more suitable environment which would be to be surrounded by your loved ones -- i.e. children and grandchildren. You need to redirect your focus to what you left behind . . . your children and GRANDCHILDREN!!!! Those are the people who should be your priority. This man is clearly unstable and you are allowing yourself to be mired in his issues. If your daughter or granddaughter came to you with this situation, what would you tell her to do? You need to take yourself by the shoulders and shake yourself and get back to focusing on you and your life and your family. While you're busy doing that, the pain of all this will be in your rearview mirror more quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 (edited) I’m so sorry you are in this position. You know that reading your story makes it look clear to people on the outside. This guy is unstable and his push/pull behaviour has captured you. The way you are feeling is not the person you are. It is how you have become while being exposed to such demoralising treatment. In the midst of all your unhappiness, there is that vibrant, happy person that has been buried in misery for a few years. You can find that person again if you remove the source of the pain. You need to get away from him and give yourself time to recover. Perhaps ask yourself why you forgave this guy so much. You say you loved him but one has to ask what is love when you are allowing someone to mess you about like this? While you are in the situation you will struggle to get perspective on it. Have you got friends or family who would support you through this? Either way, putting distance between you and him is essential, then blocking him from all contact. I suspect that despite all the pain you are going through you are still vulnerable to being persuaded by this guy. The pain must be outweighing the pleasure now. Good luck! Edited December 29, 2019 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mustbestupid Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 I still can't get my head round any of what's been going on.im dying on the inside while trying so hard to understand how he is feeling. What he fails to understand is I'm feeling everything he is and more my heart is breaking only I have no one picking the pieces up or making me feel like I matter.im so pathetic I hate myself and I hate him and her for dragging me into this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mustbestupid Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 😡 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 You need a detox - block or ignore all communication from him and don't reach out. It will take a little while and will feel awful (for a time), but you CAN live without him - much more happily - if you will just be strong and detach. As long as you let him keep jerking you around it's only going to get worse.  As has been suggested, turn your focus on your children and grandchildren and rediscover the other things in life that can bring you joy.  You are making the choice (staying with him) that is making you miserable. You alone have the power to make the choice to feel better. You're not powerless unless you choose to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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