Cupoco Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 (edited) So my ex and I dated 9 years, lived together for 8 and have a 5 yr old daughter together and just recently (2 days before christmas, actually) he left me...again. First time he left was after 2 yrs for another girl(to be fair, we were teens and the relationship wasn't great). We were broken up a little over a year before giving it another go, fast forward 8 months and I'm single again. A year later, we're back at it. Couple months in and I'm pregnant. Things were actually great, we've been going strong for 6 years but this last year was rough. He ended up quitting his job in janurary '19 (I'm a SAHM) without even talking to me first. He just showed up home early one day and told me he quit. He was unemployed for about 2 months which ruined us financially and I was hurt. I told him (a little late) how upset I was and I needed a little space, but that I still loved him and wanted our relationship. I told him what he did made me realize how completely dependent I was on him and needed to regain my individuality, so we worked out a way for me to have a part time job so I regain some independence. That didn't work out (we were losing money by me working) so I had to quit. Back to being a SAHM... The reason I bring this up is because I feel like it's my fault we're here. I feel like if I would have kept my mouth shut and never mentioned how hurt I was or needing space, we'd be fine, but at the same time...it really hurt how he showed complete disregard for my opinion by quitting his job without another one lined up. We ended up 4k in debt and on welfare to help us catch up and a year later we're barely making ends meet. About 2 weeks ago he told me he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore or if he even wanted to be with me anymore. I have no problem giving space, but don't I at least deserve to know my partner loves me and wants to make it work? I gave him a week to decide, and he still couldn't make up his mind, so for the first time in 9 years... I told him I couldn't do it anymore. He agreed and said he was leaning towards a break up as well. I go out of my way to ignore him, to go to bed before he gets home from work but when we do interact, it makes me angry. He keeps asking me if I've eaten (I lose my appetite when I'm, stressed) and talking about his day and all these other things while also telling me how much he's enjoying "relaxing" (aka: being single) and it makes me so angry, like I'm an object to be thrown away and picked up whenever it's convenient, but at the same time... I do love him. I struggle with setting personal boundaries, I have abandonment issues due to my mother and father leaving me as a kid, and living in an emotionally absent family and while therapy helped a lot... I still struggle. In the past when we broke up I was a complete mess, embarrassingly so, and I'm afraid to let myself cry. A part of me doesn't even feel like it's worth crying over, but I'm afraid I'm only stunting myself emotionally by not crying, but I'm so afraid of going to that dark place again. I have no one to talk to, no family, no friends, and I can't make sense of this all by myself... He says he doesn't feel like a person anymore and needs to regain his individuality and I struggle, because at the start of the year I said the same thing, but I never left him, I worked on myself while still fighting for us. It seems unfair to me that he always chooses to walk away while I stay. This break up was meant to give him time while not giving me the hope that just taking space would, but I'm afraid that if he were to ask for me back I might say yes. Do I want him because I feel an unhealthy need to be loved, to not be alone, or is this just a part of loving someone unconditionally and I'm just over reacting? I can't tell...I really, truly can't and I have no one to talk to about it... He's an amazing father, so I'm not worried about how this will effect DD long term, and please trust me when I say moving out is impossible for now. Thank you for any words of advice and sorry for the text wall. Edited December 30, 2019 by Cupoco Spelling error Link to post Share on other sites
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