Maturest Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 I’m new here so hi everyone My question is is an emotional affair as hard on the wife as physical affair. I found out my husband of 45 years has been talking every day sometimes 2-3 times to a woman in another state for almost 2 months. He asked for a divorce after I got email from bank where he was opening new account. i heard him talking on phone in bedroom and some words caught my attention and I listened, couldn’t believe he would do that with me in the house. I was furious and confronted him, he just looked caught. He filed for divorce, I am fine with this at this point Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Welcome to LS..... IME on these forums, it's very rare for a man to file for divorce. I've seen the same in real life too. Two male friends did, the only two I know of in real life who went to the mat like that, and they were very early examples of men getting majority or full custody of their children too. Both were dead serious and their ex'es, from recounts decades later, are still dead to them. Don't know what's up with your H but I'd consider the filing to be serious, get a lawyer and proceed. In general, emotional affairs by H's are harder on wives and physical affairs by wives are harder on husbands. Of course experience varies but if you read the thousands of posts here on infidelity you'll see the trends. Also, in general, very few men engage in emotional affairs without sex being on the table. Men simply aren't wired like that, in general. Unless it's leading to sex, most consider the bla, bla intimacy with a woman not their partner or spouse as a waste of time. The good news is this forum is mostly populated in this area by betrayed spouses, vastly women though some men, and you'll get plenty of support. Best wishes in your journey! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 It’s the old argument - I would say based on reading this site that men have a very difficult time forgiving a physical affair. Women tend to have great difficult with emotional affairs - just ask edith in the infidelity section who has accepted her husbands physical affairs with numerous women but asks incessantly - do you think he has feelings for this one affair partner - because THAT, she could never forgive... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: It’s the old argument - I would say based on reading this site that men have a very difficult time forgiving a physical affair. Women tend to have great difficult with emotional affairs - just ask edith in the infidelity section who has accepted her husbands physical affairs with numerous women but asks incessantly - do you think he has feelings for this one affair partner - because THAT, she could never forgive... I'm pretty confident that both were having affairs, she only partially admitted hers. That kinda makes it a different situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 So sorry, you are here! will he give you all of the A information? Two months sound like his head is up his bum and he isn’t thinking straight. buffer Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 8 hours ago, DKT3 said: I'm pretty confident that both were having affairs, she only partially admitted hers. That kinda makes it a different situation. It certainly wouldn’t surprise me... Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 emotional affairs are as deadly, if not more, to any relationship. As to the level of impact to a woman... in general, emotional affairs that i've read on these forums, seem to have more impact on women, but it really depends on the person. there are general rules that seem to apply to most, but not everyone. You know yourself more... and your hub... I don't know the history between you two, but if he's willing to leave a 45yr relationship over some conversations for 2 months, then he doesn't value/respect his relationship with you. I'm sorry to hear he wants a divorce, but if you feel the relationship isn't worth saving, then don't. move on. Easier for us to say, but you know your life better, than any of us. good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 It's hard to say if the EA is driving him leaving or if he decided to leave and also decided to monkeybranch into a new relationship. I would not surprise me if he was in the affair longer than just the time you know about. Of course I could be wrong. If you're both just done with each other, it may be beside the point. If/when you divorce, consider asking the attorney if there is an impact of infidelity on divorce settlements, etc. Some states have this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 1 minute ago, mark clemson said: It's hard to say if the EA is driving him leaving or if he decided to leave and also decided to monkeybranch into a new relationship. I would not surprise me if he was in the affair longer than just the time you know about. Of course I could be wrong. If you're both just done with each other, it may be beside the point. If/when you divorce, consider asking the attorney if there is an impact of infidelity on divorce settlements, etc. Some states have this. that's what i was thinking.... 2 months seems like nothing to seek out a divorce, as a response to being caught... it's very rare.... there could be more... but not sure if it matters to find out... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maturest Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 We had a bad patch about 6 years ago with him on porn sites, we worked at talking more and rediscovering ourselves together. He then had an accident about a month after this and almost lost his foot, he was in wheel chair and then using crutches for about 2 years with much nursing from me. I have never even gotten a thank you for helping him keep his foot as DR said if I hadn't worked so hard on packing and dressing the foot he would have lost it. Fast forward a few years and still having problems with foot at times and always taking naps and on his computer. I know he is depressed but the EA is just the last straw. I think he is trying to regain his youth, dyed his mustache and started riding his stationary bike and eating better, which is wonderful. I think at this point I am ready to live my life and enjoy myself instead of taking care of everyone else, I will take care of myself for a change. I found a good lawyer and we put the house on the market today. I moved to a hotel about a week ago, couldn't stand to look at him after the betrayal. He asked for the divorce before I found out about the EA, I was going along with his suggestion to split everything down the middle even though I make about $1000 a month and he makes over 2500, that is done now, the lawyers can hash it out. Link to post Share on other sites
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