Not sure what to do

[Amy_47]

I have been with my partner now for about 3.5 years and things aren't good, our relationship started off soon after ending my previous relationship so he was there for me when I was most vulnerable. Things moved pretty quickly and i ended up moving in with him after just a few weeks, things were all good for the first 6 months or so, then cracks started to show. His moods were all over the show one minute he would be sweet and then if I did or said the wrong thing he would get angry and then he would threaten to kick me out, I've been kicked out probably 5 or 6 times now, and always end up going back to him. He has a drug addiction which is a big issue. He is 15 years older than me, I support him because he cant hold down a full time job because he gets bored easily or has run ins with workmates and thinks hes too good to put up with drama, he always makes sure he has money for his drugs and pays rent and that's it, I'm constantly paying his share of the power bill. I feel like I'm constantly on edge waiting for his next mood change, he is very controlling, hes isolated me from my friends because most of them were males, and he gets very jealous, every time I come into contact with men he thinks I'm flirting with them, if I talk to anyone he wants to know every detail of the conversation. I'm constantly comparing my relationship to others and wonder if these behaviors are normal?? Is it normal for me to want my own time and space ? Should I be able to go out and not have him constantly messaging me asking what I'm doing and when I'll be home? And when I get home I get accused of talking to lots of guys and being out too long?? 

 

I just dont know..I'm so confused 

Any advise would be appreciated 

[DKT3]

It sounds like you were emotionally attached to this guy while still in your pervious relationship.  That's technically cheating,  and since you cheated with him (most likely,  thou I suspect you will deny) he maybe assumes you will do the same with him.

Now the real issue, you are dating a middle aged unemployed drug addict what exactly are you expecting from him? He doesn't sound like a solid guy to have a relationship with.  

[Amy_47]

I think most of his jealousy issues comes from his previous relationships, because he caught both of them cheating so he thinks all females are the same. 

Dont really know what I see in him, I never intended on getting involved in a relationship with him, he was just there as a distraction I guess and I got attached and now I dont know how to get unattached 😞

[chillii]

Him paying the rent would be far more than the power bill, you paying a share of the rent to or ?    Anyway , the rest , you rebounded , monkey branched , and moved in without knowing the relationship first but unfortunately this is probably just what it is now because he sure doesn't sound like he's gonna have much interest in fixing it and changing and then there's the drugs and effect on top of it.

Move out get your own place and yourself together this time before jumping into anything else, bout all you can do imo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[stillafool]

Why do you keep going  back to someone who continues to throw you out?  Get another place to live and stop paying his bills.  Raise your self esteem.

[2BGoodAgain]

get out of this relationship. it's destructive and has no benefits for you, other than the emotional dependency on him.

you have a job, you have options. get out.

did i mention, get out?

 

Also, don't jump into another relationship right away... become a bit more independent, figure yourself out, what makes YOU happy, and then seek out another relationship.

 

good luck to you.

[Mr. Lucky]

On 12/29/2019 at 11:35 PM, Amy_47 said:

Not sure what to do

Funny how most people who title their threads this way know exactly what to do, they just lack the will to do so.  As DKT3 points out, he's a "middle aged unemployed drug addict". and I'll add abusive on top of that.

Is there a reason you think you don't deserve better than this?

Mr. Lucky

[alphamale]

walk out the front door and never return...

[mark clemson]

 

On 12/29/2019 at 11:43 PM, DKT3 said:

Now the real issue, you are dating a middle aged unemployed drug addict what exactly are you expecting from him? He doesn't sound like a solid guy to have a relationship with.  

Reiterating this because it's really a core issue. I think the unfortunate truth is that you've fallen for a guy who really is a trainwreck. Also, as the quote below indicates, he plays "hot/cold" games with you. This can really affect your emotional brain (limbic system) and sometimes creates a more intense "need" for the other person. Some people like this do it deliberately, for others it's more unconscious or inadvertent (and some don't do it at all). At any rate, the end result is the same. It sounds very much like that's what's happened to you.

People who are trainwrecks quite often turn the lives of those who love them into trainwrecks as well. It sounds very much like that process has already started with you. It is very likely to get worse from here, possibly much worse depending on how bad this guy really is. Drug addicts can become pretty extreme.

The answer for you is quite clear IMO. As noted several times above you need to get away from this guy as fast as and thoroughly as possible. Work past your feelings and get him completely out of your life. Seriously, don't waste a day more on this.
 

On 12/29/2019 at 11:35 PM, Amy_47 said:

His moods were all over the show one minute he would be sweet and then if I did or said the wrong thing he would get angry and then he would threaten to kick me out, I've been kicked out probably 5 or 6 times now, and always end up going back to him.

Edited December 31, 2019 by mark clemson