bendit Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 gg, you're doing great! I don't see you as allowing yourself to be the yo-yo here. Be strong and be firm with your next decision. Best of luck to you and we are here for you. regards Mike Link to post Share on other sites
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 Mike thanks again for all of your criticism/support. I am not going to make a decision right now. I will eventually need to get him to come get his things but I don't have to be there when he does. That will give him a chance to see our puppy and say goodbye without having to see me. I would mail the stuff but some of it is furniture. Art was right- I wasn't sure where we were headed. Like I had posted before-it would have been so much better if he had said "I don't love you and I don't want this to work and it isn't right." instead of "I love you but I am so stressed right now and I am not sure how our careers are going to mesh- I just need some space and then we can reassess." Now I know that it is up to me to move on and not wait for that reassessment conversation. It is a good feeling= a calming feeling to feel as if choice is back into my life. Again, Thanks to all of you JS17, Beth, Francis, In Sync Art, Mike and others- I really am trying to be true to me and I will continue to grow- if my advice in your situations is still welcome I am here for you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 I am sorry that I disappointed you- especially you Beth. NOT at all am I disappointed!!! Regardless of what everyone else tells you here, your choices are yours and all you can do is learn and listen to what others have gone thru. I think that we go thru this in order to learn what to do next time. Call it NC or whatever you want. Who is anyone to tell YOU how to handle things. I know we all ask for advice, but in the end, we do what we want. It seems like you learned and next time this happens you will be able to make the right choice as far as what you want to do. I have beenright where you are(many many times). I am still learning and seeing others in the same spot helps too. hang in there and keep posting......take from this site what helps you only. That is why we are here Link to post Share on other sites
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 Beth Thanks- I actually did listen and realized especially from Art that I wasn't trying to practice true no contact and that I do need to finalize some things with him. I think we are going to get together either this weekend or next very casually so I can talk to him and so I can get him to get his stuff back. It is important to me to have the door closed and not cracked even in the slightest bit therefore there are things that need to be said. I guess so many people on here post in "hopes that their ex will contact them." I always knew he was going to contact me-I just thought it would have been later than it was. It is definitely time to take the bull by the horns- he wants to see me- and I have things to say. It will most likely be a hard time but i think in the end it will be good for my healing process. Because even if I get hurt from seeing him at least once I hear "we are definitely over" instead of some crap about "well maybe in a while after I figure some stuff out" I will be able to truly move on and not hold on to hope. Thanks again everyone. I am going to get through this one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted October 4, 2005 Share Posted October 4, 2005 how do you know he will not say "maybe one day it can work out?" Be prepared for that too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 4, 2005 Author Share Posted October 4, 2005 Beth Yes, you are right- he may but that isn't going to be the terms that I am ready for. I won't be around for "maybe one day." He has done that already. It is apparent that he isn't ready to jump back in the relationship but he has made comments about missing me and wanting to spend time with me. Call it testing the waters- call it whatever- I can't wait around until he figures out what he wants unless he can give me a time specific situation- like I want to get through deployment or I want to take the next month off- then possibly. However, just some unspecified time of space isn't going to work. I would rather him break my heart all over again to my face now so I can do the rest of the work that needs to be done. I am glad that during the 3 weeks I did work on me and I know that it is a process that is always ongoing- I will never achieve perfection so I will keep working. I know that I will be able to be happy single and don't just want a warm body by my side. Also, I am ready to tell him my terms in case he does want to ever get back together. I am not going tojust pick up where things left off. I don't want to ever give him the impression that anytime he feels stress he can just walk away for a while. I am not seriously under the impression that he is ready to get back together right now but I am preparing myself for all avenues. I know that closure is important and when someone says- lets take space and think about things it is important to at least end things after that time has passed. Friendship isn't possible- not right now- it is too soon and too emotionally risky. And all of you thanks again- you really have helped. I hope that is at least something Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 georgiagirl76, Listen, I think that the mere fact that you open up to all of us here and expose your vulnerability is a sign that you are a strong person who will get through this period of transition becoming a damn stronger person for. Its just when I read your post it reminds me, how so many are hurting and healing and the ball is always in the court of the ones who broke our hearts. Like we've relinquished our power to to people who can't decide what they want. Love seems so simple and all this back and forth seems tortuous to the mind and spirit...it's late and I'm probably not articulating my point as well as I should, but just know, you've got support out here from Brooklyn. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 georgiagirl76, Listen, I think that the mere fact that you open up to all of us here and expose your vulnerability is a sign that you are a strong person who will get through this period of transition becoming a damn stronger person for. Its just when I read your post it reminds me, how so many are hurting and healing and the ball is always in the court of the ones who broke our hearts. Like we've relinquished our power to to people who can't decide what they want. Love seems so simple and all this back and forth seems tortuous to the mind and spirit...it's late and I'm probably not articulating my point as well as I should, but just know, you've got support out here from Brooklyn. When we go back for these closure meetings, or allow any contact really, we think we are going to get our questions answered because we are going to be direct and clear. But these folks can't be direct with their Answers and thus the problem. So you come out of these things more confused then when you went in and more hurt because its natural for them to let confusion reign and leave you with more hope. But, More questions come up than are answered, such as, well what did he mean by "I just need a little more time?" That's how they go through relationships, keeping all things possible and committing to none of it. It Preserves the status quo, which is good for them and bad for You, the one who wishes for closure. regards Mike Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 bendit has a point. Sometimes giving yourself your own closure is better........I have realized that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author georgiagirl76 Posted October 5, 2005 Author Share Posted October 5, 2005 I agree with both of you. However, I am not going to allow the "I need more time" talk. I did a lot of thinking last night and I really don't have any questions for him. I do want him to get his things and figure out what we are going to do about our dog, my celebration that the bar is over vacation tickets etc. If it was as simple as here are your cds- then I would mail them to him. I am at a point where I am able to talk to him face to face and make those decisions. I would not allow him to just come back now and just go right back into the way things were- I dont' have any illusions of this meeting leading to some cinderella story. The im conversation actually ended up answering a lot of questions for me and I feel a lot better now. It took a day to process but I am glad actually that it happened. My goal is to tie up any loose ends that need to be done-there are some ticket transfers that need to be done and some furniture that needs to be moved out. I am not going to even talk about the relationship past or future. It is not necessary. I feel good about this decision and healthy. I thank all of you for all your words whether you felt they were harsh or not. I am also prepared for whatever pain that may come from seeing him again- I haven't romanticized this meeting (there is no silly music playing in the background as we share laughter or anything). I will keep you updated. Thanks again- when you take control of the direction of your life and the direction of your grief or healing or whatever that comes it gives you a sense of power. It feels good right now that I don't have any expectations and I want to truly move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 It feels good right now that I don't have any expectations and I want to truly move on. ^5 ... You got there.. Link to post Share on other sites
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