Relationship Ending Over Something I didn't Even do

[Imnew1]

This is long so I appreciate anybody who reads and can advise.

 

We dated for 2 years and were friend for a year at work before dating.  Last year she broke up in January saying we weren't progressing and she wanted to get married and have kids and I was just wasting time, and that my family just didn't like her.  3 months go by and the GIGS wasn't what she wanted so she came back.  Fixed the idea in her mind of my family not liking her by bringing her over on my bday and that instantly fixed that.  Along the way she had several actions that I should have dumped her multiple times over when she was drunk.

She's tried to break up a few times since September.  Went on 2 trips (one for her mom's 60th bday, and met her grandmother and her whole family loves me) and a concert within a month.  All she cared about was to know when I was getting my own apartment.  I told her I wasn't and she flipped out and wanted to break up.  She has a major problem with me living at home, and yeah I'm kind of past the age that one should, but whatever I'm saving my money for a house, and doing what's best for me.

Anyways heading into November, our 2 year Anniversary of dating would have been Nov 11th.  2 days before on Sat I went over and hung out and it was almost like it was a burden and she wasn't interested.  I called her the next night after not hearing all day, and she didn't answer.  Never acknowledged 2 years together the next day so I didn't either.  Before this she had invited me to her family Thanksgiving with her sisters and nieces and nephews.  So she basically just ghosts for 2 weeks.  I texted her after 2 weeks and she said that neither of us had reached out and were both obviously ready to move on.  She wanted to be friends blah blah.  I told her hell no, and she knows based on all the past stuff that we'll never be friends only.

Thanksgiving comes and she facetimes me in a bed at the place they're at.  Asks me to please bring the ai rpump for the air mattress.  I asked her who was sleeping on that.  She said me and her.  I didn't go bc of that and the awful rainy weather.  She gets back and on December 3rd wants to go ice skating but says no sex when I make a joke about it with her by text.  It feels like last December all over again when she cut off having sex only to dump me a month later so I tell her this isn't going to work for me and for her to call me if she wants to be bf/gf for real again.  All I got was a "K".

After 3 weeks of NC I got a random email from a gmail on December 20th titled "You Need to Know This."  Somebody found my email and sent me a message saying that my ex has HIV and that they're her previous boyfriend that she left out of nowhere and to get tested asap.  Snap texted friends asking what the hell is this and what to do.  I thought it was her not knowing how to say it.  All said to get tested.

I go to a clinic and get ready to get tested.  Fill out paperwork everything, and email this person asking how they know her and what their name is.  They tell me it's not her and to stay away from her or that we would have problems.  So after getting that I chose not to $50-250 on a test.  I called her immediately to try and protect her, and told her I didn't care if she was with anybody but that the person that would send that is one insecure psycho who would most likely beat her and hurt her and stuff. 

About 30 min later I got another email from that account and the person says that they told me to stop talking to her and that they just got off the phone with her.  I texted her and told her that whoever she talked with just emailed me again.  She asks what the number was because I said text by mistake.  Then asks what the fbook messenger name is.  Then hits me with a friend request I sent her roommate on fbook.  I have a deactivated fbook accounts since 2011 and I guess months back I added him.  Anyways she tries to tie this all to me and say I'm a dangerous stalker with issues and tried to ruin her life (huh?  I didn't even send the email to anybody, I called her to tell her.  Ruining her life would be to create that and send it to everybody she knows and all in her work circle).

She thinks bc I didn't get tested I made it up.  Tells me to admit it and we can go forward.  I tell her no that I didn't do it.  Says she still loves me but if I can't be honest she can't be with me.  Then a few days later she tells me she found the person and to call me.  One of my linkedin friends that has his fbook tied to his account was used as the source.  She did some Spokeo search and his picture came up.  We both laughed and were like what in the hell.  He goes to change all his passwords and everything.

I try to reason and tell her that for either of us to do this would be about as dumb as possible to create a gmail and put a picture to it for no reason.  She won't listen.

Today I did some IP detective work on the email source, and found the city and everything.  She basically told me that we were done and hoped I continued to move forward with my life.  We could keep in touch but she wanted this behind her.  Told me that we would have gotten back together if I didn't do this but that I just couldn't handle that she had moved on (huh?  Last time I didn't contact her for 3 months.  This time I kind of broke it off until she wanted to be real again, and left her be).

She doesn't believe anything I say or any evidence I give her.

So what the hell is going on here if anybody has a guess?  She won't admit to dating anybody, but who else would send that other than a new guy?  The address of the IP wasn't her so it wasn't her just trying to scare me and do a smear campaign I don't think.  And if she thought I did this, why the hell would she want to keep in touch vs blocking me?  I don't understand why she won't talk or thinks this is me.  Why won't she listen to reason here and understand that none of this fits any of my character?  I asked her that and her response was that there's a first time for everything.  None of this fits my character and it's really frustrating to see everything end on a total lie of something I never did.

Edited January 1, 2020 by Imnew1

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Just move on man, who needs all this? She is either down or she ain't, shes shown you twice she ain't, so what is left for you?

To be fair, if somebody messaged somebody I was seeing and told them they had HIV and their response was "Oh, I just chose not to get tested" I would be pretty upset myself. 

 

Edited January 1, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Imnew1]

23 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

Just move on man, who needs all this? She is either down or she ain't, shes shown you twice she ain't, so what is left for you?

To be fair, if somebody messaged somebody I was seeing and told them they had HIV and their response was "Oh, I just chose not to get tested" I would be pretty upset myself. 

This whole story just seems a little bit off to me.

Well the only person that would be doing that is somebody that she's currently been seeing after less than 3 weeks.  I sent her paperwork screenshots and stuff while I was there.  Once I received the follow up email saying to stay away from her or we'd have problems I realized there was no reason to waste money.  And I called her, and then the next email come from mystery new guy saying that they just got off the phone with her 20 min later.  She never admitted to anything about that.  Just wants to pin it all on me.  Whatever.  I tried to save her from this kind of person.  Sending that kind of email is over the line.  And she can't admit anything about why somebody other than her would send it.  Sure wasn't me or a friend in a desperate attempt to reach out.

[Mrin]

I'm with CAPSLOCK. Who needs this sort of crap in their life? Go riddance. Move on. 

 

 

Edited January 1, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed off topic material

[5x5]

If somebody repeatedly tries to break up with you, the best thing to do is agree with them and let them go.

Edited January 1, 2020 by 5x5

[Atwood]

This is awful, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve to be mentally tortured like this. She seems completely lacking in empathy and the ability to have a healthy relationship, and the way she treats you is cruel. 
 

Please cut her off and move on. Hopefully one day you’ll meet someone who treats you well. 

[Imnew1]

Thanks.  I asked her over and over again what did I have to gain from any of this.   Reminded her that last year when she broke up and jumped straight into a new relationship that I let her be for months and didn’t reach out.  For some reason I just couldn’t take it after 3 weeks this time??  Makes zero sense whatsoever.

She knows if she’s been seeing somebody that they’re doing this.  Denies it to me and just pins it on me and a friend instead.  I just can’t figure out her motive.  Any time she wanted to break up she also threw in that she wanted to stay friends and I told her hell no, and she would boo hoo and say I was one of her only true friends and she wasn’t losing that.  If this was her grand scheme to guilt me over something I never even did to where I would contact her and answer her when she reaches out then God help her.  I only answer an ex if they show some sort of remorse and sign that they want to get back together.  All dumb stuff like “hey how are you, or “heard  blah blah about whatever” are completely ignored.

3 years of this girl and I never did anything close to this, and this is how she leaves and gets to remember me.  Just not fair.  Hopefully the saying that truth always will find a way to come out happens here, but I can’t have anything to do with a girl anymore when they apparently had some involvement with this and her new guy, or doesn’t trust my word like this when I never did anything like this for 3 years.  Just really sad and frustrating and I can’t prove my innocence.

[Imnew1]

Tiny piece of info to add to my story is that the night I called her and told her if she was dating somebody this quick she’s involved with somebody with issues.  She said she wasn’t and texted me later that night that she wasn’t seeing anybody.  Then came the email from a guy saying he just got off of the phone with her.  She would never answer who it was she got off of the phone with.

After blaming it all on me, the next week she starts deleting instagram pics (she didn’t do that the last time she broke up) but kept a few of us.  Blocked me on linkedin.  And changed her 2nd profile on her Netflix account that had my name on it to “Doctor Hot Stuff”.  But she didn’t change the password so I was able to see this.

She isn’t dumb, so if it’s a new guy it easily makes sense to be him vs me.  Or maybe she was just trolling me with the name.  I tend to think she just moved on, has a new guy, and she’s kind of like the puppet master who knows what’s going on and just wants to torture emotions here for no reason.  I mean she won’t block me and said we can keep in touch in the future but wants this all past her.  Why would anybody stay in contact with the person they thought did this?

I guess all I can do is let karma do it’s thing on her, and never allow her back for any communication.  If she doesn’t believe me there’s no point.  If she goes and sleeps around with this guy for months only to figure out she was lied to at the end, then it too late and there’s no point.  Just a really unfair for a relationship to end is all, and it bothers me.

 

 

[Mr. Lucky]

On 1/1/2020 at 5:18 PM, Imnew1 said:

Just a really unfair for a relationship to end is all, and it bothers me.

Actually, in showing you (again!) who she really is, she's done you a favor.

If the relationship isn't worth your time and energy, neither is the post-breakup drama.  As others have said, time to simply move on...

Mr. Lucky

[notbroken]

You dodged a serious bullet.  She gave you the gift of showing who she really is.  Believe her.  Run!

 

[Redhead14]

If you continue to keep in touch with her and entertain her, you are complicit in your own misery.  If you truly want to fix the situation, you can only do that by blocking and deleting her and never looking back -- E V E R.

[Imnew1]

2 hours ago, notbroken said:

You dodged a serious bullet.  She gave you the gift of showing who she really is.  Believe her.  Run!

 

I agree.  If she did this then she's one dramatic psycho.  If she didn't do it, she knows who did and knows it isn't me otherwise she would have just blocked my number. 

I didn't even really do anything wrong other than tell her to call me when she wants to be bf/gf for real again (have sex) and told her multiple times that no we couldn't be just friends.  Never deserved this.  Her last response was that she told me to please keep moving forward with my life and in the future we could keep in touch but she wanted all of this behind her.  Told me if I didn't do this email then we would be getting back together but instead I couldn't handle that she moved on and tried to ruin her life. 

No logic and reason here with her whatsoever.  Oh well.  She's hot, but knows her dating options of good guys are hard to come by.  Last time she broke up and came back 3 months later she told me how much dating sucks and every guy is so desperate or has horrible hygiene etc, and that there's just no good guys like me and that some people just aren't replaceable.....and yet here we are with this nonsense.

[Imnew1]

Yikes she just tried to facetime me 30 min ago.  I have no idea what she's doing or what her motives are, but she's gone insane or something.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I suggest you block her, then get tested for HIV (and other STDs).  This story is too convoluted to know what the heck is going on, so better to be safe than sorry.

[schlumpy]

The way I read it this was a scheme to make it easy for her to break up with you but it went bad. They didn't anticipate you being able to track things. 

[Imnew1]

20 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

The way I read it this was a scheme to make it easy for her to break up with you but it went bad. They didn't anticipate you being able to track things. 

I dunno.  I had already told her weeks ago that the relationship without sex wasn’t gonna work for me and we weren’t just going to be friends.  So I walked away, so not sure how this becomes her breaking up with me.  Whatever happens happens.  I tried to warn her about a guy this insecure.  And if she’s with somebody new within a few weeks after 2 years then that’s pretty much just desperate trash that is looking for anybody and never really loved.  Scary thing is she’ll probably be back unless I block her.

And I’m glad I called her sister to prevent a smear campaign against me.  Her sister knows I didn’t do this.  Hell she knows I didn’t do this either but has just gone crazy or something.

 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Imnew1

[fromheart]

Man, she's horrible.  And yes you should have dumped her at strike one.  Your life is better off without her now. 

[Imnew1]

Thanks for the support.  I haven't talked to a single person that loves me from family to friends, or family friends, girls guys everybody who thinks this is anybody other than her doing this.  A girl I talked to yesterday that's been a friend for about 8 years told me that "misery loves company" and she's miserable without me, miserable with whatever downgrade she's with, or just miserable alone all by herself and who cares which one it is.  The only thing that can fix her problems her is herself and therapy."  I sent her the emails to let her read it and she laughed and said absolutely positively my ex was the one that sent it or is behind it.  

And just to think that I was on here last year creating a thread and I wanted this narcissistic woman back when she dumped me and monkey branched to her lined up replacement immediately.  I thought my biggest problem was my family not liking her in her eyes and was mad at them for not making her feel more welcome or something when they never did anything wrong.  All friends told me back then that if my family doesn't like her it's bc she's a terrible person and my family is wonderful people that welcomes everybody, and is loving and nice.  I dumped her before she came to meet my mom for the first time which she rushed 4 months in and I wasn't feeling it, and that night came the most hateful, vile, vindictive texts I'd ever seen from a girl.  Before that, I thought I had knew her for a year as friends at work and dated for a few months and had met a nice, kind, sweet, pleasant and classy girl and felt bad for dumping her the way I did.  She showed her true colors way back then about who she really was and I should have listened.  That and after dumping her 1x and wanted her back and to fix it she's always got to have options available even in a committed relationship.  What an awful experience for sure.

Edited January 5, 2020 by Imnew1

[preraph]

It could be someone that she is not dating and maybe doesn't even want to date but who wants to date her and thinks that they get you out of the way they have more of a chance. But it doesn't really matter, because your relationship was over before that crap started. She's not attracted to you anymore for a sexual relationship and you are correct that you should not settle for being just friends and should instead get on with your life and date new women with less drama and more trust. Good luck.

[smackie9]

TBH you probably didn't do anything, she just simply wanted out, and made up excuses/caused things to end. Let her go.

[Imnew1]

9 hours ago, smackie9 said:

TBH you probably didn't do anything, she just simply wanted out, and made up excuses/caused things to end. Let her go.

Thanks I already know I didn't do anything.  The only thing that was ever wrong on her end was that I lived at home vs having my own place.  I get that some if not a lot of women my age might have that attitude, but that's conditional love vs unconditional.  And by not getting my own place she didn't see a plan to marry her set before her eyes so it always made her not feel secure about the relationship.  Pretty petty to me.  She would have gotten everything she ever wanted if she acted right, but she screwed up and caused drama every few months or so when there never needed to be any.  No matter that I was great to her, we laughed got along perfectly, were friends first, I never started a single argument with her.  Uggh it just didn't have to be this way.

Last time she broke up she at least had the decency to say so.  This time she just ghosts and then tries to friendzone me and ends it with this made up drama.  If she thinks this gives her a way to come back as friends because I have something to feel guilty about then she's gone insane.  She never could stand it that I told her if we end then we're done forever and will most likely never speak again.  Whether that's fair or not, that's just how I view it as a way to heal and move on vs trying to be friends with somebody that you want sexually.  She screwed everything up with this email drama and she should be ashamed.  She's narcissistic so she's probably already moved on to somebody she had lined up and isn't giving me 2 seconds in her brain right now.  Just not right is all.

[Imnew1]

She texted me a few hours ago "Happy New Year.  You're always on my mind."

What in the world is she doing?  Has she lost her mind?  She can't send that email or have a new guy that did it, accuse me of doing it when she knows I didn't, and then be sending me that nonsense.  If she thought I did it I wouldn't be on her mind at all.

Why is she doing this?  New guy not working out if there is one, or just going insane and being a narcissist keeping me in the background, or toying with me for fun? 

[ChatroomHero]

She's crazy, just stop answering and ignore is the best route.

If she keeps.reaching out, tell her you took the emails the police a little while ago because you felt they were threatening and a detective just called you back the other day and said they want to meet with you because they have info from the IP address and found some me more things and you might want to press charges. Then say you'll let her know what they say. 

If it was her or if it's someone she is seeing and knows what is going on it will probably put a little fear in them and either way she might admit to it if she thinks cops might be involved to try to get you to drop it.

[Imnew1]

32 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said:

She's crazy, just stop answering and ignore is the best route.

If she keeps.reaching out, tell her you took the emails the police a little while ago because you felt they were threatening and a detective just called you back the other day and said they want to meet with you because they have info from the IP address and found some me more things and you might want to press charges. Then say you'll let her know what they say. 

If it was her or if it's someone she is seeing and knows what is going on it will probably put a little fear in them and either way she might admit to it if she thinks cops might be involved to try to get you to drop it.

That would have worked if I didn't already go to the police the day she said she filed a report (she obviously didn't) and told me I needed to get a lawyer.  I told her they said nothing could happen on either side, but I filed mine for documentation.

Anyways to her last text I responded the next morning not acting butthurt or anything and kind of flirty and told her she needed to make up.  6 hours later after reading it she said we couldn't move forward until I apologized.  Told her I have nothing to apologize about so no, and that everybody that knows me including her own sister knows I didn't do this.  Told her alright well have a good night and sleep well.  "You too" was her response.

Breadcrumbs, or psycho breadcrumbs?  There's no way she can be this dumb to think I did this.  My closest girl "friend" said misery loves company, and she's miserable alone, miserable with a new guy, and miserable without me and just wanted to ruin Christmas.  Told me her ex did the same thing at Thanksgiving as far as just trying to ruin the day. 

[ChatroomHero]

She's manipulating and putting out feelers. I'd guess it was her and she can't admit it because she would look crazy. Personally it would drive me crazy and I'd just ask her to leave me alone and move on, stop responding. Living by waiting on the next drama to unfold that you know is coming you just don't know when is always a ticking bomb waiting to go off. Eventually you have enough and move on. I am all for not waiting on the eventually and just moving on and saving all that wasted time.