Em246 Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 My husband and i have been together 5 years, married for 1year. My sex drive is through the roof, however i feel like im annoying him or he’s just not into it when i try to seduce him and get things going. Our sex life has always been abit vanilla. I want to give more oral and try new things (nothing weird or exotic!) as i just cannot have a boring sex life fore the next 40+years! getting the guy to take a shower is taxing and im literally pulling my hair out as i’m not and havent been satisfied for a long time. Theres only so many times you can do it yourself! Ive bought lingerie- “that’s nice” he says... nice.?!! Ive introduced toys, which was a massive flop, he’ll use them on me occasionally but he wont entertain them. He seems bored when im giving oral, he just lies there. Not a moan or groan.. nothing! Past receivers have always enjoyed, i try different techniques, try keep it interesting, i’m getting nothing. I know not everyone does the moaning etc, im getting nothing. He bends me over and its over with within 5mins ish. Iv tried getting on top, i thought he liked taking the lead, but he wont entertain me on top. im plus size size so started to think this was the problem maybe? Ive started gym and healthy eating and i am losing weight, but this doesnt seem to have changed anything between the sheets. He likes my bum in gym pants is as saucy as it has got. Ive never had complaints before, but i dont know if im s*** in bed or if hes just not into it.. any advice/ suggestions welcome.! Link to post Share on other sites
wtm78 Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 is your marriage ok? are you guys talking like friends? - be his friends first, man like their spouse to be their best friend. the reason i am saying this is, i had a friend. she and her husband got a divorce. at that time she told me the same thing that her husband doesnt want to have sex with her.. but after their divorce, she told me the reason was because her husband couldnt live with her always crying.. that was a 15 yr marriage... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Em246 Posted January 1, 2020 Author Share Posted January 1, 2020 Yeah we talk about everything. He tells me he loves me constantly, we have date nights, we make time for eachother, as much as we can with 2 kids, its just in bed. Ive tried asking him and he says its weird i want to try new things and positions etc. He likes missionary and doggy and that seems to be as far as it gets and it over before i know it. No foreplay, no whispering sweet nothings. In and out like a chore. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 why don't you stop having sex with him for a few weeks and see what happens Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Keep in mind that it's only fair in a marriage that both partners needs be met to a reasonable extent. Possibly his needs are being met. So, it's up to him in a way to step up his game to a reasonable and fair to him extent, ie, within the limits of what he can enjoy sexually. Consider doing the following: Directly discuss your interests and desires. Many women have a tendency to communicate indirectly, but clearly he's not getting "hints" here. If that doesn't work consider finding an experienced, professional MC who genuinely specializes in sexual issues. Make sure it's clear it's only about the sexual compatibility, nothing else so he doesn't feel threatened. You can try losing more weight, but I suspect if he didn't like "big girls" you two wouldn't be married. So, while it could work, I'd have reasonable expectations for that. Sex generally is about consent and that goes for both men and women. While I wouldn't discourage you from asking for more and what will satisfy you, you will ultimately need to find what works for you within the limits of what he likes as well for you both to be happy. Some people can stretch those limits fairly a bit and gradually add to their repertoire, while others really don't like to. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Have either of you taken on a parent-child role with each other, where one is telling the other what to do or taking care of the other as if they were a child? Because of parent-child relationship between a couple can totally kill sex. Does he watch porn? If he is, it may have given him unrealistic expectations of how women are supposed to look as well as he may be masturbating to it and not have anything left for you. Now it can work both ways, but definitely doesn't sound like it's making him hornier. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 17 hours ago, Em246 said: My husband and i have been together 5 years, married for 1year. Was there a time when he was more proactive about sex? If not, he may be one of those rare low drive guys who is what he is and change not very likely... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 16 hours ago, preraph said: Have either of you taken on a parent-child role with each other, where one is telling the other what to do or taking care of the other as if they were a child? Because of parent-child relationship between a couple can totally kill sex. Does he watch porn? If he is, it may have given him unrealistic expectations of how women are supposed to look as well as he may be masturbating to it and not have anything left for you. Now it can work both ways, but definitely doesn't sound like it's making him hornier. ^^^ THIS!!!! Please don't stop your weight loss, you want a healthier you. You being the aggressor in bed can be a turn off to some men. As a woman you should have a soft touch, some people do not get this, it's not like milking a cow!!! preraph I think hit this one correctly with the porn/masturbating. I will likely be shot for this..... There is a few writeups on "Nofap" and what porn can do to you as a man. It's good reading and nofap does not mean no sex!!!. The whole idea overlaps into Red Pill 😱. How to get him to take an interest and read as a self help? I don't know maybe a male friend or family member suggest he look into it? If you don't know what I was talking about above use Google to answer your questions. I have found some of those ideas are taboo around here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 I think he is gay. Link to post Share on other sites
VIOLET EDEN Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, PinkFlamingo said: I think he is gay. Yikes, maybe he just has a low sex drive, that quite a leap Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 12 minutes ago, VIOLET EDEN said: Yikes, maybe he just has a low sex drive, that quite a leap It was my first thought. I thought he seemed to feel repelled by her. If he was asexual he would have probably just tried to avoid her? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 I don't think he has a low sex drive, or a porn addiction or is gay, I just think he is not interested in oral or any "messing about". He puts up with your blow job and the toys and any other things you decide to introduce, then he gets right down to business, missionary or doggy and comes almost immediately. What's not to like as far as he is concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
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