Second chance after 6 years?

[squeakybeach]

I’ve had no experiences with second chances.  I’ve always held the view that when it’s over it’s over so move on and don’t look back.  Right now I’m starting to question that.

I divorced my ex 6 years ago after being together 15.  There was no animosity, we just grew apart so for the first time ever I kept contact with an ex.  Now granted that only really happened because of the kids but regardless of the reasons why it happened.

We started growing close and about 18 months ago we slept together and since then a romance has developed into something I feel is much more.  He has changed, he’s attentive, he’s positive, he’s motivated, he cooks, he cleans, he’s husband material (lol) and it doesn’t hurt that he’s always been good in bed.  We are pretty much girlfriend / boyfriend now, we would see each other 4-5 times a week, we go on dates and often stay at each others place.

The concern I have and what I’d like opinions on is whether this is all working purely because we do spend time apart?  Maybe the problems still exist but they’re hidden because we are not in each others back pocket all the time?  Maybe if we’re back together on a permanent basis that the toilet seat left up for example will start annoying me?  Maybe he’s only attentive because we spend time apart?

The easy choice is to stay as we are and enjoy what we have but I’ve been finding myself wanting him.  I want to wake up next to him.  I miss him when he’s not here.  He has this charisma that makes me happy.  I want to tell him when something good happens. I want to hear about his day.  I feel like a smitten teenager some days.

I have thrown hints out and I’m pretty sure he’s throwing hints back but I think we’re both a bit scared we might ruin what we have.  Now it goes without saying that we have to sit down and have a serious talk but before I do that I’d like a sounding board.  Does anyone have any hints, advice, insights, things to look out for?  I’m all ears.

[schlumpy]

I don't how many divorced couples remarry but it does happen.

You are right to be concerned that being BF and GF again my be the spark in your relationship that makes it seem so good. When you are together you only deal with the cream of the relationship and not the mundane tasks that are daily life.

It's very possible that if you remarry that all the old bugs from your 15 years will reappear, so why don't think about counseling to iron out the items that drove you apart. Once they are clearly defined you might be able to compromise or realize that what you have now is a good as it gets.

The biggest risk at the moment is that someone else enters the arena or have you each sworn exclusivity to one another?

[Steve40th396]

Anything is possible. But, it takes two, some wine, and conversation.. J/K It takes work, daily..forever.

[otj287]

I think this is awesome.  I am typically more of the "when it's over.. it's over.. for now, maybe" type of person, so while you closed the door at one point, I do think it's possible for people to change/mature/etc. with time.  I also think that change does happen and often better when it's not change "for" someone else.  Meaning, you had time apart, he likely worked on himself or became to have some qualities that you now admire and long for.

The advice that I'd give is that in a BF/GF relationship, you can essentially walk away without obligation.  You have been down the road of marriage before, so would anything really change with a "ceremony" and ultimately getting married again?  

I'd toss the idea of marriage out, for now.  Enjoy the moments that you have, and see where it evolves.  You are both familiar with each other, married each other, and have children.  A piece of paper and a ceremony is not going to solidify anything "more" for you at the moment.  

Enjoy each other and see where it goes.. sounds like you both are happy and enjoying the relationship, which I think is awesome.  Enjoy it and best of luck!!

 

[Dimjo9]

On 1/1/2020 at 7:34 AM, squeakybeach said:

I’ve had no experiences with second chances.  I’ve always held the view that when it’s over it’s over so move on and don’t look back.  Right now I’m starting to question that.

I divorced my ex 6 years ago after being together 15.  There was no animosity, we just grew apart so for the first time ever I kept contact with an ex.  Now granted that only really happened because of the kids but regardless of the reasons why it happened.

We started growing close and about 18 months ago we slept together and since then a romance has developed into something I feel is much more.  He has changed, he’s attentive, he’s positive, he’s motivated, he cooks, he cleans, he’s husband material (lol) and it doesn’t hurt that he’s always been good in bed.  We are pretty much girlfriend / boyfriend now, we would see each other 4-5 times a week, we go on dates and often stay at each others place.

The concern I have and what I’d like opinions on is whether this is all working purely because we do spend time apart?  Maybe the problems still exist but they’re hidden because we are not in each others back pocket all the time?  Maybe if we’re back together on a permanent basis that the toilet seat left up for example will start annoying me?  Maybe he’s only attentive because we spend time apart?

The easy choice is to stay as we are and enjoy what we have but I’ve been finding myself wanting him.  I want to wake up next to him.  I miss him when he’s not here.  He has this charisma that makes me happy.  I want to tell him when something good happens. I want to hear about his day.  I feel like a smitten teenager some days.

I have thrown hints out and I’m pretty sure he’s throwing hints back but I think we’re both a bit scared we might ruin what we have.  Now it goes without saying that we have to sit down and have a serious talk but before I do that I’d like a sounding board.  Does anyone have any hints, advice, insights, things to look out for?  I’m all ears.

Hi,

He must have progressed & mature on the years you are apart.. I personally thinks he better himself in areas that needs improvement & credit to you..

Losing you made him realized the mistakes he made.. On your part since you gave him a chance again saw the improvements.. 

You are soulmates & love is lovelier the 2 time around.. Open communications is the key & have something you can both enjoy doing ( gym, hiking, running, swimming, etc )..

Don't let him go & make it known his taken !! one day at a time enjoy each other's company.. no rush, no worries..