Assault

[VIOLET EDEN]

I was 14 when a teacher almost sexually assaulted me. He had me stay after school to discuss my extra hours in the gym, as I had taken a week of to go to an event. He was my P.E. teacher. He had a corner office in the gym, no one was around, I managed to knee him in a sensitive area, and luckily had clothes in my locker and had a jacket to cover up and go home without anyone knowing. Fortunately I moved away that year, my dad got a job transfer. But I am now in my 2nd year of college, and my friend went through a similar thing, she told me but I havent told her about my past. We have a similar schedule so in a week, when classes start, she wants me to go to the corec(the gym in our college) with her. But the corec sometimes gives me flashbacks of what almost happened, and I am not sure how to tell her, I am a very private person, in that I don't tell people who know me about my past. I really want to go to the gym with her and work out with a friend and get over this fear, but I am not sure if I can.

[mark clemson]

Things to consider:

Can you bring a 3rd and/or even a 4th and 5th trusted person and go in a group? Do you think that would help? People tend to feel more secure in larger groups, so possibly might help. You might claim you're feeling a little sick before you go, so if it's too much and you end up needing to leave you don't need to explain why fully.

You could in addition try conditioning yourself by going partway to the gym and then closer and closer each time. Eg. go 1/2 way there, 3/4, to the door, just inside, inside and then wait 5 minutes, etc etc. That would take longer tho.

Edited January 2, 2020 by mark clemson
typo

[major_merrick]

You can bring more people, but ultimately being assaulted takes away your self-confidence.  I have survived two attempts at sexual assault, and what gives me strength is my ability to defend myself.  Get some training and get armed.  When you are strong enough to fend off an attacker, it takes away your worries about going places.

[VIOLET EDEN]

11 hours ago, major_merrick said:

You can bring more people, but ultimately being assaulted takes away your self-confidence.  I have survived two attempts at sexual assault, and what gives me strength is my ability to defend myself.  Get some training and get armed.  When you are strong enough to fend off an attacker, it takes away your worries about going places.

I guess what my problem is, I now have instant distrust of every instructor, its not rational I know, but I tried a self defense class before I had to fake a stomach ache and get out of there. 

[stillafool]

Perhaps try a female instructor.

[VIOLET EDEN]

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Perhaps try a female instructor.

Yeah I did, my honorary brother suggested , it didn't help, he is a taekwondo black belt, so i ended up learning some moves from him. I trust him, and am very close to him, so he ended up teaching me some quick and useful moves. 

[Beachead]

Hey Violet Den,

I'm sorry this happened to you.  Traumatic to say the least and I bet it probably destroyed your trust in authority to some extent if not all your trust.   As private as you may be,  its possible that by keeping it to yourself, you are allowing this situation more and more power over you.   I think learning self-defence is a great idea.  I myself have come across situations where I was unable to defend myself and I feel taking lessons would boost my confidence and self-esteem as well.   But having said that, I think to beat this, you may have to do the one thing you are unwilling and perhaps terrified of doing, which is to actually talk to someone about what happened.  An online forum like this is great and its good you came on here to share this story.  That step shows that you are beginning to realize you do need to talk about it.  I think in addition to here, you've got to talk about it in real life as well; perhaps your brother or a councillor or support group at school or outside of school.

How would you feel about that?

 

[VIOLET EDEN]

On 1/3/2020 at 2:30 PM, Beachead said:

Hey Violet Den,

I'm sorry this happened to you.  Traumatic to say the least and I bet it probably destroyed your trust in authority to some extent if not all your trust.   As private as you may be,  its possible that by keeping it to yourself, you are allowing this situation more and more power over you.   I think learning self-defence is a great idea.  I myself have come across situations where I was unable to defend myself and I feel taking lessons would boost my confidence and self-esteem as well.   But having said that, I think to beat this, you may have to do the one thing you are unwilling and perhaps terrified of doing, which is to actually talk to someone about what happened.  An online forum like this is great and its good you came on here to share this story.  That step shows that you are beginning to realize you do need to talk about it.  I think in addition to here, you've got to talk about it in real life as well; perhaps your brother or a councillor or support group at school or outside of school.

How would you feel about that?

 

I am not sure, it’s not easy for me to open up. But I do realize I have to talk, in fact this is the advice I give to people when they come to me( I’m generally the people come to for advice or just someone who they need to rant to in my friend groups ) . But it’s easier said than done, I know. So yeah I do agree I should talk, but ig baby steps.