Taking me so long to move on!

[Soak]

Unrequited love, a major crush. May have mistaken their attention for something more. Idk.. Either way, nothing came of it. Really liked and cared about this person though and had my heart set on them. They disappeared on me four months ago. Have been through the rollercoaster of emotions since then, with very rarely feeling detached.

Don't really know what i am trying to achieve here, guess i'm just venting. For some reason though, it almost feels impossible to transcend. I still think i'm going through the bargaining stage, and then the next day reality hits me and i know it is unlikely to ever happen. I have been through several of those short periods of feeling no connection with this person and feeling completely alone and directionless.

[Loempia741]

I've had kinda the same story. I got really close to this person really fast and then I got too close and she backed off. I could not cope with it, went through hell and back. And still to this day (it's been over a year) I feel for her. I feel for her and think about her less often, but it still fills me with sadness. I know there is a lot more going on than just this girl, but it amazes me how I can wake up and think about someone who does not care or think about me. 

Anyway, my advice is to really think why you are missing her. What is it that makes you feel this way. Yes it's a feeling of yearning, of wanting to know what could have been, of feeling loved. But beyond that it's an inability to cope. Solving that issue within yourself is what will really give you closure and make you much stronger when you encounter another woman/man worth pursuing. Because he/she will not give you the closure you need. 

It's okay to vent, that's what this site is for. Accept the sadness and learn from it.

Edited January 20, 2020 by Loempia741

[scooby-philly]

OP,

Not sure of your gender or the person you're speaking about - but I can feel your pain totally! I met someone 2.5 years ago - I thought she was "the one". I thought she was loving, kind, affectionate, and caring. I spent almost two years with her. But....she wasn't. At least she wasn't comfortable being those things regularly, she was still living with her parents and they were cold, strict, and shame based, and she was totally uncomfortable with herself and had no prior dating experience. No matter what s*** I put up with, no matter how kind and patient I was, in the end, I couldn't make her love me, I couldn't make her open up, I couldn't make her stay. So I've been experiencing 5 months of heartache and pain - but in reality, it was 50% my fault. I stayed when others would have left when being totally disrespected. I stayed when others would have left because of the immaturity and/or the inability to open up. And I stayed even when she would not make a commitment to telling her family. So, I can't blame anyone else but myself for the heartache. But that was my lesson to learn.

 

I'm sorry you had similar (not sure to what extant) experience. Being abandoned is a terrible thing, especially if we invest a lot - even in just a short while. That said, we can still be happy and lead fulfilling, meaningful lives by ourselves.  How have you been holding up the past 2.5 weeks?

[Reels]

I guess it is best if you allow yourself to feel the way you really want yourself to feel. If you attempted to stop yourself from something you enjoy then you are surely going to hurt yourself.

Don't think about contacting the person who has left you because they don't deserve your love.

[scooby-philly]

19 hours ago, Reels said:

I guess it is best if you allow yourself to feel the way you really want yourself to feel. If you attempted to stop yourself from something you enjoy then you are surely going to hurt yourself.

Don't think about contacting the person who has left you because they don't deserve your love.

Quoting the whole thing, and yes, I know board trolls that I shouldn't! 

 

First - agreed - you cannot and should not block your emotions. Right are wrong they are your defense mechanism. Now, if over time you realize that they may be off, then you can address them. But don't ever block them. For me, I endured threats of abandonment and weekly, if not multiple times a week, shaming from my family (and shaming/teasing from schoolmates). I've chosen partners that were not right for me and in 2/3 ltrs left with no real reason. And without communication (will add more about that in regards to your second note). I was ignored, my needs not taken into consideration, and no one provided me direction or support in my life. Therefore I took the easy way out of things sometimes and also made decisions just to get attention/love. And I spent years ignoring my wants, dreams, hopes, and needs. So - don't be like me! Accept your feelings and let them teach you things. If I had listened to my feelings I would have dumped my last ex after 7 months when she proved that she was immature, emotionally clogged, uncomfortable with herself, and threatened suicide once. Yeah...I know...foolish me. Anyway - let your feelings be your guide post.

That second idea - that's one of the key lessons many people, myself, need to learn. Relationships should enhance your life, add to your (already existing) happiness, and be a friendship and a partnership as much as they are a sexual or adventure filling experiment. If someone leaves you for no reason (no cheating, no addiction, no whatever on your part and they're not cheating) then they've done you a service. Love doesn't last without work and communication. If they didn't communicate what was wrong nor give you a chance to help build a solution, then they either didn't love you fully or they don't know what true love is.