Agent79 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) Weird question I know, but I might as well explain. I'm 24, single, no experience in the dating world and unsure if there is any chances left. As a result of the last generation Gen Y and some of my generation Gen Z, it appears that the only way to get any sort of understanding of dating is to be exact the same as everyone else. Constantly depressed, popping anti-depressants as a hobby, severe drug use, consuming bad music manufactured by AI, blaming your bad behaviour on mental illness (disturbingly common ), need I go on? If you try being who you are, you are shunned from society because it is not the "norm". Self-improvement, getting healthy, being yourself, they all seem alien to most my age. I feel dating apps are making things worse for us because nearly of the women are out of my league. "But you're still young, there is plenty of time" Really, then why is the cut-off age at 25? Why is it every time I get older, I feel miserable about any chances on dating? I want to improve, but there no long term result. Edited January 4, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 There is no cut off age. Who told you the cut off is at 25? Not true at all. Something tells me you have been mixing with some unsavory people with wacky opinions, and you have bought straight into it. No, don't follow other peoples behavior, actions and influences. Don't be someone you are not. Be yourself, because that's who potential future partners need to get to know. There is no rush. Enjoy your life. Do what makes you happy. Don't go on dating sites if you if that is not for you. Believe in yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
an0nym0us123 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 I would saw my right arm off to be 24 again.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Do you have any friends Agent79? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agent79 Posted January 4, 2020 Author Share Posted January 4, 2020 (edited) Yes, why? Edited January 4, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Gosh, 24, your brain is still developing! You are worrying over something that is just going to waste a lot of your valuable time and energy. It's understandable, because you don't have enough life experience under your belt to realize where you are on the "spectrum of life" (right at the beginning of it!). My advice: Do what you love, and practice kindness every time you get a chance. The rest of it will fall into place. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 25 is the cut-off age for what? Says who? Why do you think the women on OLD are out of your league if "everyone else" is as messed up as you say? Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 It really depends on your situation. I, for example, am now in my early 30s, and I've never dated, and I'm fairly certain I missed the boat on that. Which is very unfortunate, but that's my fault. I struggled socially in my teens and 20s, and just couldn't get it together socially until a couple of years ago. Now, I finally have a fulfilling social life, but my friends are in relationships, they don't have anyone to introduce me to, I no longer have any avenues to meet people through, and I've settled into the adult "grind" of going to work, spending time with friends, and relaxing in my remaining spare time. So, that possibility in life has passed me by. I'd say early to mid 30s are more the "cut off" age, as that's when the typical adult "grind" generally sets in for most people. I'll be brutally honest, not having dated by age 25 is something of a "bad sign" for your prospects, but on the flip side, if you feel like you have a good social life and like you have decent opportunities to meet and interact with new people, you'll probably be fine. "Most people" statistically do end up with someone. If you're doing fine socially, chances are, you'll eventually meet someone through friends, or work, or some other activity you participate in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 10 hours ago, Inflikted said: I no longer have any avenues to meet people through,. I'd say early to mid 30s are more the "cut off" age. This is not true at all. There is no cut off age and there are avenues to meet people all around you. Bars, clubs, dating sites etc You could meet someone anywhere at anytime of your life. You don't give up because you haven't dated til your 20s or 30s. Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 13 hours ago, JTSW said: This is not true at all. There is no cut off age and there are avenues to meet people all around you. Bars, clubs, dating sites etc You could meet someone anywhere at anytime of your life. You don't give up because you haven't dated til your 20s or 30s. Well, I should clarify; I'd say early to mid 30s is the "cutoff" for someone who's never dated at all, such as myself, to get started. If you've previously dated or been in relationships before that, then yes, it's more likely you'll be able to find more potential partners at any stage of your life. As for me, I've gotten to the phase of life where meeting new people just isn't that easy. I'm not a "bar/ club" kind of guy, I tried online dating many times over the years with zero success getting any dates from it, I don't have any other social activities to meet people through, and me and my friends have settled into a cozy little phase where we just spend time with each other without going out and doing stuff to meet people. So, that part of life has passed me by. Either way, personally, I try not to think of it as "giving up", but rather, coming to terms with reality and with the consequences of my mistakes from my younger years. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 On 1/4/2020 at 11:07 AM, OpenBook said: Do what you love, and practice kindness every time you get a chance. The rest of it will fall into place. OpenBook is so right, but you'll need to be twice your age to realise it. I was married age 19, you can imagine how that turned out?! Not only that I divorced him, moved on with my life then remarried him later and we had a child together, my father said 'honey you really do like to learn your lessons the hard way!' I don't regret a single mistake now, looking back. I've lived life, and so should you. Listen to that song 'My Way' and some positive music, uplifting stuff. Never give up. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 @Agent79 - are you located near a major urban area? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 You are not running out of time & you don't have to be a pill popping depressed person to date. You need to find "your people." Do you have any hobbies or interests? Get involved with groups that do those things & you should find a like minded person your age to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agent79 Posted January 20, 2020 Author Share Posted January 20, 2020 On 1/16/2020 at 3:28 PM, mark clemson said: @Agent79 - are you located near a major urban area? I am in a regional town. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agent79 Posted January 20, 2020 Author Share Posted January 20, 2020 On 1/17/2020 at 12:33 AM, d0nnivain said: You are not running out of time & you don't have to be a pill popping depressed person to date. You need to find "your people." Do you have any hobbies or interests? Get involved with groups that do those things & you should find a like minded person your age to date. I do have hobbies and interests. They are considered boomer hobbies though, no one my age (particularly women) are interested in those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Agent79 Posted January 20, 2020 Author Share Posted January 20, 2020 On 1/13/2020 at 9:55 AM, Inflikted said: It really depends on your situation. I, for example, am now in my early 30s, and I've never dated, and I'm fairly certain I missed the boat on that. Which is very unfortunate, but that's my fault. I struggled socially in my teens and 20s, and just couldn't get it together socially until a couple of years ago. Now, I finally have a fulfilling social life, but my friends are in relationships, they don't have anyone to introduce me to, I no longer have any avenues to meet people through, and I've settled into the adult "grind" of going to work, spending time with friends, and relaxing in my remaining spare time. So, that possibility in life has passed me by. I'd say early to mid 30s are more the "cut off" age, as that's when the typical adult "grind" generally sets in for most people. I'll be brutally honest, not having dated by age 25 is something of a "bad sign" for your prospects, but on the flip side, if you feel like you have a good social life and like you have decent opportunities to meet and interact with new people, you'll probably be fine. "Most people" statistically do end up with someone. If you're doing fine socially, chances are, you'll eventually meet someone through friends, or work, or some other activity you participate in. Bulls-eye. Without a doubt the best comment I have seen yet. I know it is my fault for not being on such a social level in my teens. I am socially a bit better now, particularly when I have a good group of mates, but because I struggled in my teens, it affected the outcome after high school. Also, I am sort of old school when it comes to dating. Back then you would get to know someone via their character or interests, these days, if you stuff up your first impression, that's it, no go. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 (edited) 52 minutes ago, Agent79 said: I am in a regional town. Oh well. If your goal is to find a woman, a large urban area would be better. In almost any large urban population there will be a certain segment of women in their 30's for whom "things haven't yet worked out as planned". You don't need to just take my word on this - their "plight" is illustrated, albeit with exaggerated artistic pathos, in the video linked below. Some of these women may have problems, some may not be "relationship material" for one reason or another, and some will be perfectly happy single. However, many are in their situation for other reasons and not by choice. Job moves, breakups, cheating husbands, etc. I personally knew a woman in her late 20's whose fiancee died in a car accident. At any rate, a decent portion of these women will be very interested in finding a good man and more than happy to "settle". They are still women and you still have to be at least pretty good for them to want you. Nor are they necessarily conveniently labelled as interested (or "desperate" in some cases) as people often hate to show vulnerability. However, IF you can turn yourself into someone even remotely resembling "Mr. Right" by your late 20's and can move to an urban area, even temporarily, you should have a fairly easy time with women like this. Possibly you can find some in your regional town, but it's likely to be fewer and so fewer choices and less opportunity to find one you really connect with. At any rate, GL! R Edited January 20, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator typo Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 (edited) Ah, looks like my link was moderated out. Oh well. I will post it under The Watercooler in the The Song in Your Heart today thread as that is for music. Hope that is acceptable. Or you can just search on YouTube for the song "22" by Lilly Allen. Edited January 20, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 7 hours ago, Agent79 said: I know it is my fault for not being on such a social level in my teens. Let me tell you something. I never socialized in my teens. I was a social outcast and did rubbish in school. I was a loner and thought i would be that way all my life. Never went out in my 20's because i was too much of an introvert. One day i was texting with a friend and she ran out of phone credit so we decided to talk in an online chat room (only time i ever went in a chat room). I had a message pop up from a guy saying he recognized me from the bakery that i worked in at the time. That guy is now my husband. We have been together almost 17 years, married for nearly 7 years and we have a daughter together. Never give up. It will happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 While the majority of your hobbies may be "boomer" hobbies there must be somebody your age doing them. Plus those boomers have kids, nieces & nephews your age as well as friends with those connections. You never know who knows somebody who would be perfect for you. Rubbish about having to perfect the 1st impression. I was dreadful to my husband upon meeting him & our 1st date sucked. We got married anyway. The secret is putting yourself out there. You have to leave your home & maybe your comfort zone to go somewhere that has people. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 OMG you're a baby... i know, you don't wanna hear that. you're an "adult".. but yeah, you're a baby. don't worry about such little things.... believe it or not and honestly, you don't have a sense of self yet. you're still changing, growing, making decisions on what and who you wanna be. sure, you've got a few rules for yourself, have a few likes and dislike, etc... but you're barely scratching the surface of who you are and what you will be. so don't be afraid to figure yourself out and the only way you can do it is by interacting with other people. that's how you figure out who you are, what you are, what you wanna become. good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 12 hours ago, JTSW said: Let me tell you something. I never socialized in my teens. I was a social outcast and did rubbish in school. I was a loner and thought i would be that way all my life. Never went out in my 20's because i was too much of an introvert. One day i was texting with a friend and she ran out of phone credit so we decided to talk in an online chat room (only time i ever went in a chat room). I had a message pop up from a guy saying he recognized me from the bakery that i worked in at the time. That guy is now my husband. We have been together almost 17 years, married for nearly 7 years and we have a daughter together. Never give up. It will happen. That's an awesome story, congrats! It's nice when people can have those serendipitous encounters like that. It's just too bad that serendipity doesn't work for all of us. But such is life, I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 10 hours ago, Inflikted said: That's an awesome story, congrats! Thank you 🙂 I was such a loner and shy that i thought i would be single forever. I feel so lucky to have him. Link to post Share on other sites
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