After 6 months of separation, I am still why this is happening.

[wtm78]

I love my wife very much. But I don't know how to live with her. We were not able to manage our differences. She love me whole heartedly. But because I did not have a way to settle our differences, I was unhappy and the unhappiness built up into resentment. The short version of the story is, I can't tell her why I'm upset. She gets defensive and shutdown. I went counseling alone, she did not want to go. Because she thinks that it's our problem she doesn't want another party or stranger to know. My frustration with her keep building up. And she keeps crying and shutting down. Our relationship become very strained. I have ask her to go for counseling, and to seek a pyschritist for the sucidal tendancy and self harm, and the lack of control of her emotions. She say she will, but never get to it. I have given her many ultimatum that she needs to seek help. She will always say she will do it.. but have never gotten to it. My frustration grew into hatred and resentment. I started to give her very serious warnings, I told her it's either we have to learn to work together or we have to get a divorce. In tears she tells me she wants only one thing in life that is to be work with me and be in my life. But somehow I just feel that everything is so difficult with her. It's like she opposes me in everything I do. Even when I suggest having breakfast it can end up a tug of war. In anger and frustration I insisted on divorce. Perhaps in some way I hope that she could get some perspective that if she doesn't change I will be gone. In some sense I was also jaded by the hopelessness I was feeling. She doesn't want the divorce. But I was angry, I insisted. We have been separated for 6 months. Throughout the 6 months I have been searching for answers. I was trying to understand why she has changed into a very different and difficult person to get along with. I was wondering what wrong did I do? I know I was afraid. I fear that she was taking me for granted. I fear that she is trying to dominate me with her crying. I was so angry the last 6 months. I wanted to let go and forgive, but my hatred and frustration was stronger. I keep telling her I want a divorce. Maybe in some childish way, I was hoping that she would take me seriously with that. 

Last few days I contacted her, asking about the divorce. This time she say she will cooperate. I initiated a talk. But the talk turned out to be a disaster. I wanted to find out how she was. And if she had a thought of what happened to our marriage. In the end, I found out that these 6 months she was only trying to not be sad, and she had no clue why I wanted a divorce. She still thinks that I blamed her, and I hated her. During the talk, she also think that I was blaming her. Of course I was not. She was still as hyper sensitive and emotional as ever. 

I love her very much and I don't want to divorce. But I guess in her head I just wanted out and she is very hurt by it. 

I don't know what to do. There is just so much baggage.