My boyfriends friend took advantage of me while black out drunk and I can't bear it

[d0nnivain]

On 1/2/2020 at 6:32 PM, RosieDunne said:

 what if I consented in my drunk state??  

You did not have the legal capacity to consent.   In your bed, you kissed a man you thought belonged in that bed -- your BF.  Presumably it was his bed too.   His buddy had no business being in that room, let alone the bed. 

On 1/2/2020 at 7:05 PM, RosieDunne said:

 i Googled it and it said if you’re drunk enough to let something like that happen then you’re just as much at fault and I can’t help feeling like that. 

Oh for heaven's sake.  You consented to drinking alcohol in your own home.  You did not consent to the friend coming in your bedroom or your bed.   He was wrong. 

You have to speak up & tell your BF what happened.  This friend is a predator & you need to not have him in your home anymore.  Your BF can go see him but in your shoes he would no longer be welcome in my home & I would never allow myself to be vulnerable (even slightly buzzed let alone drunk) around him ever again.  

Tell your BF what you told us. He knows how drunk you were.  Explain that you were roused into consciousness by a kiss & since it was your bed, you thought it was him & you were horrified to find out it was his friend & that you pushed the guy off.  The best defense is a good offense.  You were almost a rape victim here.  Your BF needs to know what kind of a disloyal a**h*** his rapist buddy is.  

[usa1ah]

I f you want the blame for being to drunk Rosie then that is your choice. I will not do so because you were in your own home and your own bed. Easy fix for this part is to never drink like this again. 
 

You need to forgive yourself and talk with your bf. I he is a good man he will stick up for you and personally deal with his so called friend. If he blames you then it is better to find out now how shallow he is and to find someone else. 
 

Make sure that you never let the other guy back into your home. It is your home and make it clear to your bf and him that he is never allowed there again. 

[smackie9]

OP the truth will set you free. I know what you feel guilty about...that their relationship will sour from your accusations, and there is a chance that your BF will believe him over you with you looking like the villain. We no your BF will be glad you told him and deal with his friend. I was sexually assault (not raped thank god) by my husband's close friend at a party. Even tho his friend's sister was ready to beat the crap out of me for making such an accusation about her brother, my husband stood up for me and took matters into his own hands. Let's just say he hasn't replied to any of this guy's messages since....that was almost 30 years ago. My husband is still pissed about it.

[JTSW]

On 1/4/2020 at 9:44 AM, Banana Bender said:

The double-standards in this scenario never cease to horrify me:  Two people get drunk and have sex, yet it is always the man's fault?!?!?

The OP has clearly and repeatedly stated that she has no clear recollection of what happened, and in fact feels guilty.  Yet everyone assumes the man is at fault?!?

You quickly brand the friend a predator, and say he should be arrested.  So why not not apply the same standard and brand the OP as a slut???

She was in her own house and in her own bed. 

He went in a tried to take advantage. 

I don't believe they had sex. 

He is definitely 100% at fault.

Sexism rants are not helping.

[kendahke]

On 1/3/2020 at 7:13 PM, Vespil said:

Saying "many people have done it and will continue to do it" or "she's in her own house" doesn't make it any less reckless and irresponsible.

You never know what's headed your way, whether it's a sexual predator, an escaped criminal, a house fire, a wild animal or vehicle crashing through your window, or a tsunami, or an emergency regarding a friend or relative with a crisis in need of assistance (to name a few).

You want to be prepared at all times. Not anxious and sitting at the edge of your seat expecting disaster, but not helpless, blacked out drunk on the floor.

Besides it just ain't healthy.

 

 

That's like saying "don't take nyquil for your flu because being passed out in your bed recovering is reckless and irresponsible".

Stop with the victim blaming... 

[CallienteMami]

On 1/3/2020 at 10:09 AM, kendahke said:

She. Was. In. Her. Own. Home. Not. In. The. Streets.

She had absolutely no reason to believe that her boyfriend of 5 years had a friend who preys upon unconscious women in their own beds in their own homes.

Stop blaming the victim.  Dude should not have known the floor plan of that home so well that he could slip off undetected and make his way into HER bedroom.

Exactly, stop blaming the victim.