guy1234545 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) I've had problems getting a girlfriend and i'm 25. I often think that maybe women dislike my looks. That probably isn't the case...... Edited January 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clarified topic Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 depends upon your looks. other factors: your self-confidence level how sociable you are how angry you appear to others how well you're mentally adjusted how kind you are/how mean you are how approachable you are/how standoff-ish you are/ how entitled you feel to have your way with someone who isn't interested and are well within their rights to determine for themselves who they want as a romantic partner there is a lot that goes into what constitutes attractiveness beyond external packaging. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 I think looks play a big part at the beginning. If you are prone to visit new places the only thing you can hang your hat on is how someone looks. That dating feature declines rapidly once you get to know someone or can observe their behavior under varied circumstances. If God hasn't graced you with movie star looks you can easily overcome that through personality. J I've met woman that were just average but that I felt drawn to because of their personality. They had a way of making me feel at ease, accepted and smiling within a very short period of time. I really enjoyed that feeling. If you feel unattractive then do what you can to alleviate that. If you are over weight lose it. Get in shape. Find that perfect hairstyle. If there is some minor feature that you feel detracts from your looks then have it corrected if you feel it's holding you back. I think you will find that not be true but the mind believes what it want's to . Work on your personality. You can read books if you want. You may get some ideas but the best way is to observe those that have a magnetic personality and attempt to adapt it to your expectaions. If you can just improve your outreach by 20 or 30 percent you should see some positive results. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author guy1234545 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 the problem is that i see my friends add girls on facebook and they accept them, but if i add, they decline, so it makes me feels like crap Link to post Share on other sites
Envy123 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 I don't think it's your looks as you look way better than me. I'm obese and I have no less success than when I was thinner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 There are a lot of ways to be attractive to women. In particular, having an attractive face/haircut, wearing nice clothes, and being athletic/muscular can all help. Looks is one element, but another is being "alpha". There are a lot of ways to be "alpha" enough for one or more women. For example, being popular socially, having money or a good job, having a position of leadership or authority, athleticism, superior intellect, being a self-made man, being "heroic" e.g. cops, firemen, soldiers. They want to be impressed, in one way or another (preferably multiple ways), and see you as a "winner". There is also "bonding" which typically involves (preferably sincere) attention and communication. Bonding can happen in a few hours in a bar or it can be years of friendship or acquaintance that eventually turns into romance. Sometimes it can happen online. Some women fall for a handsome face and flattering attention. Others are much more finicky. Remember though, women typically don't want "a guy any girl could have" pestering them for attention when they have other things on their mind. I believe that, if they could have their rathers, they would have a desirable guy "who could have any woman he wanted" to meet them, fall for them, and choose them over other women. So, one of the tricks here is to become "a guy who could have any woman he wanted" (not literally of course). Easier said than done, but it's doable for many. You don't have to actually become that, but going partway on the journey will almost certainly help. All that said, different women respond differently to different things (fortunately) and may make choices/compromises based on their desires, needs, and situation. I think it's rare for the majority of people to actually get their top pick. That's fortunate as we can't all be wealthy heirs, CEOs, sports-studs, and/or "Chads". Attraction's been discussed many times on this forum. Be sure to read through the thread linked below AND the associated links within it as all of them contain useful info. I think the bottom line though is - make yourself into a handsome, socially skilled, friendly, "winner" with good job prospects, etc. They will come to you. Easier said than done, of course, but not impossible either. There are many ways to be a "winner" fortunately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brennan72 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 Western women generally have a set criteria for physical attractiveness. 1. Dark hair 2. Above 6 feet tall 3. Athletic build 4. Well-defined features, square jaw, etc. While men like a wide variety of women (I know I do), such as petite, tall and athletic, red har, blonde hair, whatever, women almost universally want tall, dark and handsome. Height is the biggest problem for men. Being under 5'10 pretty much disqualifies a guy from 90%+ of women in the US--they won't even consider dating him. Now a lot of factors can make up for not having all the above (status, money, culture and personality, etc.), but it is what it is Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 7 minutes ago, Brennan72 said: Height is the biggest problem for men. Being under 5'10 pretty much disqualifies a guy from 90%+ of women in the US--they won't even consider dating him. Do you know what the average height of a male in the US is? 5'9" So you are saying, unless a man is in the 60th percentile - as in taller than 60% of US men - 90% of women will not consider him. That's absolute BS. 60% of men are not competing for 10% of women because the rest won't consider them based on height alone. I know many men under 5' 10" that have absolutely no problem attracting women. Sure, if a guy is let's say 5'5" - 8th percentile, shorter than 92% of us men he is going to have some challenges. As a female - I would say the biggest challenge facing men is a lack of social skills. An extremely charming man, even if he is short, will be able to attract women. I have seen it time and again. Yet tall and socially akward men tend to struggle mightily. 11 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brennan72 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) 34 minutes ago, RecentChange said: Do you know what the average height of a male in the US is? 5'9"......So you are saying, unless a man is in the 60th percentile - as in taller than 60% of US men - 90% of women will not consider him. I didn't say men under 5'9 didn't date, or could never marry. They can make up for their lack of height in other ways. What I said was that women overwhelmingly prefer men over 6 feet tall--I've never seen a survey or study contradict this. Now I am lucky to be 6'1, but you have no idea what short guys go through when it comes to women. A co-worker of mine is smart, makes a six-figure income, and is in decent shape. But he is 5'8. He is also losing his hair. So he has given up on dating and marriage--it just isn't going to happen for this guy. I tried to set him up with a female friend of mine and the second question out of her mouth was "how tall is he". When I told her, she said "pass". Edited January 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 'As a female - I would say the biggest challenge facing men is a lack of social skills. ' RecentChange Being comfortable who you are is the biggest thing attracts me to someone after he shows some human warmth, smile, being kind to the waiter, nice manners or something. I don't do much online, the dating thing is weird enough, but I'd say only put positive or neutral things out there, no vulgarity, nothing too extreme ie how I'd behave in a real life scenario being sociable with strangers or near-strangers. But we've all had those online 'friend' strange kindergarten experiences, it's just easier to be obnoxious I guess. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Brennan72 said: I didn't say men under 5'9 didn't date, or could never marry. They can make up for their lack of height in other ways. What I said was that women overwhelmingly prefer men over 6 feet tall--I've never seen a survey or study contradict this. Now I am lucky to be 6'1, but you have no idea what short guys go through when it comes to women. A co-worker of mine is smart, makes a six-figure income, and is in decent shape. But he is 5'8. He is also losing his hair. So he has given up on dating and marriage--it just isn't going to happen for this guy. I tried to set him up with a female friend of mine and the second question out of her mouth was "how tall is he". When I told her, she said "pass". She's a fool! My latest love interest is about that and he works out and is gorgeous. do stuff makes you feel good so you project that sense of okay with yourself and- what's that movie with the quote 'woman likes a fixer-upper'? Loads of women would enjoy shopping and fussing with your hair and the like! Edited January 4, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed personal indentifying info 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 My dad is 5'8" and a total ladies man. His brief stint while single he was dating many women. But he is an absolute charmer. Smart, witty, life of the party type that people flock to. My husband claims 5'10, but honestly probably more like 5'9". Again, and extroverted charmer. He commands any room he walks into, and gets plenty female attention - never struggled with dating. I know those are just anecdotes, but the reality is the majority of men under 6' have found partners - yes they need other things going for them than their height. And height alone is not a guarantee of dating success. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 It's all about how they look because I know a guy who is barely 5'8 but he's so gorgeous girls are literally tripping over themselves to get to him. I'm not kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 29 minutes ago, RecentChange said: My dad is 5'8" and a total ladies man. His brief stint while single he was dating many women. But he is an absolute charmer. Smart, witty, life of the party type that people flock to. My husband claims 5'10, but honestly probably more like 5'9". Again, and extroverted charmer. He commands any room he walks into, and gets plenty female attention - never struggled with dating. I know those are just anecdotes, but the reality is the majority of men under 6' have found partners - yes they need other things going for them than their height. And height alone is not a guarantee of dating success. The common denominator is confidence. Women are attracted to confidence. There's tons of YouTube videos showing this in action. A guy just walks up to a girl and introduces himself, makes a complementary remark about their looks and asks for her number. It's amazing to see and all these guys aren't 9's and 10's either. Confidence will get you in the door for sure. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 4 hours ago, guy1234545 said: the problem is that i see my friends add girls on facebook and they accept them, but if i add, they decline, so it makes me feels like crap are you adding the same girls? Link to post Share on other sites
Author guy1234545 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 Just now, kendahke said: are you adding the same girls? yes Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 (edited) My current partner is shorter than the average man, but a total bombshell in the bedroom, as well as funny and successful in his business. Many women (and men) are attracted to him (Sexually as well as non-sexually/Intellectually) as am I. Edited January 3, 2020 by Artdeco 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 1 minute ago, guy1234545 said: yes you might want to not go in behind your boys like that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author guy1234545 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 1 minute ago, kendahke said: you might want to not go in behind your boys like that... I dont want to text those girls, I just add them. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 Some good posts with good points, but I would just note, it's not all about any ONE thing (even looks or money, although those things can certainly help) because different women respond to different things. (Men, too but to a lesser degree.) Our brains have a tendency to try to simplify complex things. There are many ways to "get a girl" (although some do indeed work more consistently than others). OP, hope you read the posts I linked to. They will be helpful to you as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 Just going to chime in here on a few things: 1. Visions of Beauty: Someone above basically said that women have a stereotypical vision of male beauty in the US while males have a much wider version of female beauty. While certain stereotypes exists, in my experience and in talking with a lot of female friends, it is usually the opposite. I've found women to be all over the books in terms of what they find as attractive. Facial hair, features, body size and shape. Whereas men usually have a more narrow vision of female beauty. 2. The Height Thing: There is definitely a correlation between height and beauty when it comes to men - I won't deny that. However, I think assigning an arbitrary number like 5'10" or 6' doesn't really work as a threshold (e.g. you're screwed if you're below it). There is, however, a real threshold in my experience, it just varies from woman to woman. However, it is really easy to figure out. Most women want a guy who is taller than them. There are a lot of varying reasons for this but the one that sums it up the best is what one of my best female friends said, "I want to feel petite and I can't feel that way if I am taller than my guy". Now, how much taller does the guy have to be? That also varies but usually it is about +2 inches. Why two inches? So she isn't taller than him when she wears a shoe with a heel. 3. OP's Facebook Thing: Dude, don't use whether a woman accepting your friend request on FB as a measure of your overall desirability. FB is social media. Social media is shallow. Honestly, unless you already share a bunch of common friends, randomly friending a woman on FB is creeper territory anyhow. And ya, if a woman gets a friend request from a strange guy, she's probably more likely to accept it if he's her type and has a good headshot. He has to overcome her "creeper" defenses and really the only way to do that is a great profile pic. 4. Confidence and other intangibles: Other folks have mentioned it but confidence plays a massive role. In fact, it is probably a universal constant in terms of attractiveness. Confidence is attractive. Some women are also sapiosexuals - and drawn like a moth to a flame for intelligence. Others it is humor - if you can make them laugh and smile, you'll win their hearts. And others look for stuff like heart centered men or creative types. But confidence is always attractive. Best of luck! Mrin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author guy1234545 Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 it's just not fair, my friends are not very handsome, just average, and i think i'm like this too, and still not getting accepted. i cant get over it Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 26 minutes ago, Mrin said: 2. The Height Thing: There is definitely a correlation between height and beauty when it comes to men - I won't deny that. However, I think assigning an arbitrary number like 5'10" or 6' doesn't really work as a threshold (e.g. you're screwed if you're below it). There is, however, a real threshold in my experience, it just varies from woman to woman. However, it is really easy to figure out. Most women want a guy who is taller than them. There are a lot of varying reasons for this but the one that sums it up the best is what one of my best female friends said, "I want to feel petite and I can't feel that way if I am taller than my guy". Now, how much taller does the guy have to be? That also varies but usually it is about +2 inches. Why two inches? So she isn't taller than him when she wears a shoe with a heel. Agree. I'm 5'5" and someone shorter than 5'7" wouldn't be my first choice (but I have dated them). I have many girlfriends between 4'11" and 5'2" who would be shorter than just about any man, so a man who is "short" has other things wrong than just how tall he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 58 minutes ago, guy1234545 said: it's just not fair, my friends are not very handsome, just average, and i think i'm like this too, and still not getting accepted. i cant get over it Only a foolish girl accepts FB friend requests from boys she doesn’t know. And why bother adding them if you’re not going to try to talk with them anyway? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 3 hours ago, Brennan72 said: A co-worker of mine is smart, makes a six-figure income, and is in decent shape. But he is 5'8. He is also losing his hair. So he has given up on dating and marriage--it just isn't going to happen for this guy. I tried to set him up with a female friend of mine and the second question out of her mouth was "how tall is he". When I told her, she said "pass". There are plenty of 5’8, balding guys who have partners. I don’t know why your mate can’t manage a partner, but I suspect he has bigger problems than his looks. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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