SailorD Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 (edited) Can a love be too intense, and scare of the other partner into not wanting to settle down just yet, if you are both at different parts in your lives? Even if you both did fully trust each other. Just a discussion me and my female friend was having the other day and wanted other peoples thoughts on this. Edited January 4, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Typo & formatting Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Yes, I think that if one person wants marriage and the other doesn't it's going to cause the later to run unless they come to realize it's what they want also. Past bad experiences will factor in and keep you from believing a partner who is trying to demonstrate that you are the one. There are so many way to misinterpret and obfuscate in a relationship that it's a good thing those love hormones are pumping away because reason and logic are usually in the backseat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SailorD Posted January 4, 2020 Author Share Posted January 4, 2020 It’s crazy isn’t it really because if you both know that your a good match and other people say you are well together, I guess it almost suffocates the other person instead of enlighten the partner. It actually does the opposite, without actually doing anything at all. Also you don’t realise it’s happening until it’s too late, Then unfortunately it can make the relationship end due to no actually damage by each other. The partner who then gets dumped I guess ends up being more hurt than if the actual partner had cheated or had been abusive to the other person. As there was no real reason to actually end things rather than work on it and all this can be helped instead of poor communication, if that makes sense? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Nope l don't think it can be too intense at all , because to be so intense naturally then it's coming from you both , it's the thing between you. lt's not to say though that means it'll fizzle out , some will some won't, same as any other couple, l've seen known people and lived both. l know of one couple married 32yrs and if anything they're more in love now than ever but in early days they were as intense as it gets. Yet know of one that was just a convenience thing to start married now 35yrs , family, business , they've been through a lot but they've done it together and somehow wound up one of the most loving and respectful to each other couples you'd ever meet. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 I think in relationships, as in other parts of life, people need to feel they have some choice (control). If one partner is pushing more than the other, it can make the other feel pressured as if they have no control. Ideally, both would reach the same stage at the same time. People instinctively resist if they feel pressure. It is best to hold back and let the other freely choose than to press them. Having said that, if a partner is only ever resisting with little pressure, one has to ask whether a one-sided relationship is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Yeah fore sure , but when intensity is both ways well , different story. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 You're doing mental gymnastics, trying to explain the end of something without actually hurting feelings or casting a disparaging light. When the truth is a lot simpler and straightforward. There is no such thing as "the relationship was so great" or "the love was so intense" that one partner wanted to leave. That person just didn't cut it for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 I believe so. Definitely. Most of my exes were or became too intense for me. I do think it generally means they aren’t into you enough though. I have to imagine, if I were really as into them as they were me, would their strong affections have weirded me out as much? Probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SailorD Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share Posted January 15, 2020 But do you believe this can turn around in a relationship, where as originally it might have been the other partner that had invested too much time, but as they started pulling away. Rather than focusing on the positives they are Just looking at all the reasons for it not to work, then instead of enjoying time and working together, The other partner can see somethings not right and become even more invested as a result of what they are doing, (exams pls becoming across as more needy than usual) as they know somethings not right. If the relationship came to an end due to that reason, if both where willing to accept there mistakes and move on to make sure it’s not going going to happen again and mature from this and knew they love each other is there a chance of reconciliation? Maybe months or years down the line. As it’s not due to cheating or abuse etc... giving both partners time to mature from there time apart. ( I guess what I’m realising this can all be avoided due to poor communication from both parties) This shouldn’t have to happen but I guess if people are at different times in there lives or in experienced that could cause such a sad thing to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 The person running away is usually not as invested in the relationship no matter you slowing down, they just don't feel it as deep as you do. Maybe it's not them the problem, maybe it's the person felling too intense too fast that is the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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