On a break/space

[Adam2020]

Hi

So been with a girl for a few months, things were going well we were talking about futures and stuff. Anyway Christmas’s came and she was really ill and the dad of her kids said he would look after them so they didn’t get ill. This obviously upset her I was there for her and things seemed okay. Fast forward around about a week to the end of December/start of January and she says she’s not sure she’s okay and stuff me going on in her head as she’s not sure she’s ready to move on after having a hard Christmas without her kids. She did however say she still really likes me w lot and she isn’t saying she’s done with us just neees to have space and time to think. 
 

basically want to know if anyone can help me with what to do with this time we’re apart to keep myself busy and also what’s she’s thinking if anyone knows or has been in similar. 

Edited January 5, 2020 by Adam2020

[Supernova11]

My view on these things is that communications in a relationship should be straight forward. When you start trying to second guess what someone might be thinking, you’re in trouble. 
 

You can wait around until she has had her time to think, may be that will work for you guys.  But personally, I am a get-on-with-my life kind of person so I have a few hobbies - music, reading, I have friends to see and a job to keep me busy, as well as a cat. I would need a really good, clear reason from her as to why she needed any space at all and how she views your relationship.

 

The beginning of the relationship should be fun and plain sailing not frought with issues, as I see it.

[d0nnivain]

There is no such thing as time off from a relationship.  You are either together or you are broken up.  If she won't tell you what it is that she needs to think about you have to assume it's a cowardly sugar-coated way of her telling you that she doesn't want to date you anymore.  

[Adam2020]

She said she needs to think if she is ready for a relationship after her last one ended 12-18 months ago. (The broke up 18 months ago but stayed living together for 6 after for their kids.) so I get it but she was fine before Xmas for and even the day before she said it we went out for the day and seemed okay so I’m hoping it’s just a blip and after this week of space she will see that actually she is ready. But I’m not expectant that’s she will. 
 

Edited January 5, 2020 by Adam2020

[d0nnivain]

Sorry but you were the transition guy -- the guy she tried getting under to get over her EX.  She has figured out that is not a long-term solution.  Now she needs time alone to process the end of her marriage.   

There is no fixing this.  The timing was off

[Adam2020]

i would agree but she had her rebound/transition guy after until about 2 months before me who she said she realised she didn’t want at the time and we just sort of fell into each others lives, neither was looking for anything 

[schlumpy]

When a woman wants space or a break to consider the relationship the percentages are not good for the waiting SO - which is you. Most of the time the read is: "I don't want to be in a LTR with you."

I understand that hurts. She is doubting the relationship and since you have given all you have to give, how can you change her mind?

You won't do it by standing in the corner and waiting until she notices you again. Instead, you tell her to take all the time she needs and move forward as if she isn't coming back. It's a risk but so is standing in the corner.