Yopmap Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 I'm 28 shes 27 Was with her for just short of 3 years. Lived with her for 2 years. Relationship started to fail a bit due to getting into a boring life routine of watching tv eveynight and living off mostly takeaways and I started taking her for granted I know that now. She has also been suffering from depression recently and said she wasn’t happy. She was head over heels for me and at the start of the relationship I had to slow her down haha. We'd also discussed marriage and possibly kids. She said she wanted a break around 7 weeks ago. After 2 weeks of space I contacted her asking to talk, she said nothings changed we’d be better off as friends. I give her another week and ring her, she agrees to meet up and we talk like there was no breakup just about what were up to family etc. I end the interaction and when leaving she gives me the tightest hug ever and kissed my cheek. I leave her for another week and call again, had her laughing and she agreed to meet up again and said she’d let me know when she was free. She never did.. just over 3 weeks pass and I decide enough is enough I need to get the last of my things and start trying to move on, I text her to ask if I could get my things and she agreed on the next day. Next day comes and she says she’s not feeling well could I come another day, I told her to let me know when’s best. 5 days pass and I hear nothing so I asked again and said if she doesn't want to see me she can just leave my stuff on the front step, she said "that's not the case at all" she said she was at work but she would sort my things and I could go round and pick them up and post my keys. The text exchanges were lighthearted and she started texting me “Heyy” and using emojis. Anyway yesterday I go round to get my things and her house is pretty much the same, this is where I’m struggling to see if she’s really over me. She still has a picture of me on the mantle, there’s still our initials hanging on the wall and there’s still the valentines card I gave her that she loved and kept sat on the side. Why would she keep these things up if she didn’t want me anymore? The last thing I did was I wrote a short letter and left it on the side saying I didn’t blame her for the break, it was needed for me too as I couldn’t see where I was failing, I have no hard feelings against her. I told her I did love her despite how my actions may have been perceived leading up to the break, and I’ve learnt a lot in this space we’ve had that could lead us to a better future if she wanted to fix things. I ended it though saying I know you wanted to be just friends but I can’t do that, I want you in my life romantically and if you ever feel the same then get in touch if not I guess this is the final goodbye and wished her well. I'm now in NC for the foreseeable. Was that the right thing to do? Or should I be fighting for her? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 I would ask her if you two can start dating again. I suspect what she wants is romance -- not TV, takeaways & being taken for granted. You can spice that up. . . dinner at home by candlelight, playing board games together rather then television, taking a bubble bath together, going for walks hand in hand after dinner. She's looking for effort. Are you willing to make some? Part of a relationship is compromise. DH & I just got back from a cruise. I love the beach & laying in the sun. He hates it. We toured a lot of museums & historical sites so he didn't have to deal with the beach but he did one beach day for me. I felt so bad because I was in heaven -- clear blue water, white sand, bright sun while he was in hell huddled under an umbrella trying not to burn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yopmap Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I would ask her if you two can start dating again. I suspect what she wants is romance -- not TV, takeaways & being taken for granted. You can spice that up. . . dinner at home by candlelight, playing board games together rather then television, taking a bubble bath together, going for walks hand in hand after dinner. She's looking for effort. Are you willing to make some? Part of a relationship is compromise. DH & I just got back from a cruise. I love the beach & laying in the sun. He hates it. We toured a lot of museums & historical sites so he didn't have to deal with the beach but he did one beach day for me. I felt so bad because I was in heaven -- clear blue water, white sand, bright sun while he was in hell huddled under an umbrella trying not to burn. I know she wants romance and I'm just so annoyed with myself for not seeing it in the relationship, she always seemed so happy just chilling and always said she couldn't wait till I got home so we could cuddle on the sofa, so I went along with it for too long and this is the result. How would you propose I ask her on a date? I ended my letter saying for her to contact me and wished her well, should I give her a bit more time to see if she does reach out? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 (edited) l'd give her more time , she seems very half hearted wishy washy , and she's messed you around a lot . Back when , you might've fallen into all that sure, but it doesn't sound like she did anything about getting off that couch or romance either. l think you need to know if she has any real interest in this anymore first of all because she sounds pretty flat about it to me. And she wanted the break and she says your better off as friends and she's messing you around. looks like your far more into trying to do something with it than she is to me. Personally , l think you'll have to let it go and that's also probably the best thing anyway. Her feelings just aren't strong enough anymore so even if you did get back it wouldn't be long before things just went down again. Edited January 5, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 I wish you hadn't written a letter. But you did so. . . I'd call her. Tell her you miss her & that one of your New Year's resolutions is to be the man she deserves. Then ask her on a date. Have the place picked out -- the swankiest place you can afford comfortably. It doesn't have to be uber expensive but it should have white table cloths & paper menus, with low lighting. Dress up for the date. Sports coat, slacks & real shoes at a minimum. Bring her a single red rose. Open doors for her. Be gallant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yopmap Posted January 5, 2020 Author Share Posted January 5, 2020 16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I wish you hadn't written a letter. But you did so. . It wasnt really a love letter or anything, just wanted her to know despite her wanting a break I didnt hold a grudge or anything and that I've learnt where I went wrong during this time. I've taken her for granted and I wanted her to know that I've realised this and I'm sorry. I did want to say this in person but the opportunity never arose. Think I might give her a week to see if she reaches out and for me to compose myself, if not I'll give her a ring, therse nothing to lose by then. If she reaches out I'll suggest a date for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 On 1/5/2020 at 9:53 AM, Yopmap said: Or should I be fighting for her? There's no such thing as fighting for someone who doesn't want to be fought for (IMO, there's no such thing as fighting for anyone--either they want to work with you to make your relationship stronger or they don't... they don't need to be dragged kicking and screaming back into something they don't want to be in). Quote she said nothings changed we’d be better off as friends she wanted a break around 7 weeks ago I leave her for another week I give her another week 5 days pass Look at her behavior---she's letting weeks go by without saying anything to you or acknowledging you. A person who wants you in their life doesn't set you adrift like that. Her laughing, etc., on the phone is just her being nice to a friend, not that she wants you back in a romantic way. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 On 1/5/2020 at 2:53 PM, Yopmap said: She was head over heels for me and at the start of the relationship I had to slow her down... She probably never really got the momentum back after that. That was "the spark", "the chemistry" , "the romance" and you wanted to cool it all down and no doubt with the addition of the boring life and taking her for granted you killed it stone dead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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