ABernie Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Hi everyone. I'm not sure if this is the right forum. If it's not, please feel free to move. I just started dating a widower. He was 47, after 15 years of marriage, 2 sons (now 15 and 18), almost 5 years ago. All I know is that she passed suddenly. I have not asked any questions, but listen when he mentions (just really in passing - not much yet) I'm cautiously optimistic, but would welcome any words of wisdom, advice, etc. Thanks so much! Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 The good thing about dating widowers is that they have already demonstrated they know how to hold a relationship together. Other than the pain of the loss they don't have all the baggage of a divorcee or someone that has been through a dozen relationships that keep ending badly. Don't bring up the death of the spouse,...it never helps you to get them focusing on negative things and sadness. They will mention it when they want to, and you should not "extend" the length of it when they do. Him mentioning it here and there "in passing" is good enough. I have both at the same time. She died in 2010, but she was also an "Ex" by then. I don't bring it up with women I date,...and I don't need to,...and they don't need to try to make me bring it up. I might consider it meddling if they tried to force it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 I made a post with the exact same title a few months ago. You might check out the responses I got. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 (edited) Do you have any friends in common that might be able to give you insight? In my situation, I heard plenty from our mutual friends. I also went to dinner one night with him and a couple that had been close friends with him and his deceased wife and the woman (privately) volunteered information as well (somewhat to my dismay). I haven't ever asked anyone for information, but people seem to take a special interest in their widowed friends and get out ahead of the situation, I guess in a protective way. But in my experience they've all been happy we were spending time together. My advice would be to take things slow and keep your expectations in check. Especially with children involved. Good luck! In my situation, the guy is a super nice man who is very attentive - he spent 6 years as his wife's caretaker while she battled cancer, and he seems to have retained that care-taking approach to my well-being. But I think transitioning to the idea of being with another woman romantically is taking some time for him, although I think he really wants to move on from the grief. Since I'm not sure how I feel about him romantically, it works well for both of us for now. Edited January 6, 2020 by Finding my way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ABernie Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 1 hour ago, Finding my way said: Do you have any friends in common that might be able to give you insight? My advice would be to take things slow and keep your expectations in check. Especially with children involved. Thank you for the link! I plan on going very slow. I have 3 children as well and my daughter met one person I dated once (I only said my friend). She still brings him up after just one meeting. We don't have any friends in common as far as I know. But I have a feeling we probably have similar acquaintances based on our active lifestyles. Link to post Share on other sites
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