what's the point of blocking?

[nospam99]

I see a lot of replies where the poster suggests that the OP block someone, usually an ex of some sort. I don't get it. What's the point? How is blocking substantively more helpful than simply ignoring communication attempts from the ex? Do blocked people get little 'you are blocked' responses from the systems? I'll say that personally I enjoy the entertainment value of instances of human foibles. And few things are more entertaining than getting to watch a 'jerk' figuratively bang their head against an unyielding surface until it bleeds.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I've wondered the same thing because I don't think the blockee even knows they are blocked.  The only value I see is preserving your own sanity if you're getting harassed, or if you're trying to have willpower in not getting back together or something.  Or if you're ghosting maybe it reduces the guilt!

[stillafool]

Well the point of it is supposed to help you stay out of contact with that person so you can move on.  After a break up just hearing their voice or reading their words can trigger you and set you back.

[d0nnivain]

Blocking is because some people don't get the message & continue pestering the person with messages.  Blocking can be a way of getting peace if the dumpee is bombarding you. 

Other people aren't strong enough to resist temptation.  They want to check the other person's social media & call & beg & do other unhelpful things.   It takes a few steps to block somebody & the apps only let you unblock somebody every so often. 

I once blocked a former friend off social media.  I was so mad I just didn't want to deal.  I didn't block her from my phone or my e-mail.  She could have reached out if she wanted to.  I just didn't want to see her smiling face in my feed which would have happened because we share dozens of mutual friends.  I got so much more peace by not seeing her & knowing she is no longer able to monitor my on line actions. 

You, nospam99, have maturity & self control.  Not everybody does.  So blocking becomes a safety valve. 

 

[Tamfana]

Blocking is for the blocker's peace of mind, not to take a swipe at the blockee.  I think it's best that the blockee not know.  He can think whatever he wishes if he tries to contact you and you're not responding, but you don't even know so you don't have to deal with fallout.  I do it solely for my own peace of mind. I’ve blocked only a few guys over the years, the ones that were combative or couldn’t take “no” for an answer.    

[carhill]

Black hole NC is helpful with strong emotional connections which have been terminated but still linger. Changing phone numbers, e-mails, or hard blocks of a number or groups of numbers prevents intrusion, even to an outsider insignificant intrusion, into the person's psyche while they heal. Over time, as the attachment fades, normal boundaries grow and significance of any contact fades. Much depends on a person's intrinsic attachment style and how it manifested in a particular relationship.

Back in the day when the old corded wall phone would ring and every call was a mystery, tape-style answering machines were new and expensive and e-mail/text, etc didn't exist, blocking was problematical. Then there was the envelopes in the mailbox! Times have changed. 

 

Edited January 6, 2020 by carhill

[Daisydooks]

For me, I have blocked a man recently I had sex with 9 years ago. Every now and then he resurfaces and messages. It is ALWAYS between 1 and 4am, a very disrespectful time of night, he has never left me alone when I have asked him to nicely. I deleted him on social media but he was still able to message and always did so at stupid times sending messages saying "hey beautiful! I miss your smile." Creepy stuff.

I blocked him  because I value my partner and dont need messages looking like I'm doing anything wrong when I havent seen him or responded in years. Yes I have told my fiance but he doesnt necessarily believe it was just sex when this guy cant seem to let go after a decade. We were FWB for a month. 

 My fiance and I have been together 6 years so this happened way before him, but I'm just not comfortable with "hey beautiful I miss your smile" messages at 2 am when I'm in bed with my fiance. 

He just doesnt get. I blocked recently when he started readding all my friends to Facebook. They all denied and deleted the notification and told me. My girlfriends all know he is a creep and hasnt let go so they made me aware immediately and I blocked him seconds later.

Edited January 7, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[Daisydooks]

With my ex of 12 years, I blocked him also. He has a funny way of showing up at the most inopportune times in my life with "I miss you" messages. In the past, I fell for it and our relationship started again. When I didnt trust myself not to respond, I blocked him. I knew I deserved better for me but was weak in the moment. 

If he has messaged, I have  no clue and that's a great thing. I would never in a million years respond now, or give him the time of day, but there is genuinely no reason to unblock him. I dont care if he knows he is blocked or knows he is being ignored. Eirher way, he needs to leave me alone 

We were together from my teens into my late 20s so we were very close and our relationship was very toxic. I don't need that in my life and for many years I didnt feel strong enough to ignore him, so I blocked him for my sanity after 12 years of going back and forth with his nonsense.

The man mentioned above was a FWB I had for a short time between break ups with my ex here. I wanted very badly to get away from him but never quite got out of it until he cheated on me. That was the straw for me. I had come back so many times throughout his addiction, only to find he was cheating on me at the 12 year mark. I had had enough of the games. We had been apart for all of 2011, and that was our longest stretch apart until he cheated. I havent spoken to him in years now. 

Edited January 6, 2020 by Daisydooks

[Redhead14]

5 hours ago, nospam99 said:

I see a lot of replies where the poster suggests that the OP block someone, usually an ex of some sort. I don't get it. What's the point? How is blocking substantively more helpful than simply ignoring communication attempts from the ex? Do blocked people get little 'you are blocked' responses from the systems? I'll say that personally I enjoy the entertainment value of instances of human foibles. And few things are more entertaining than getting to watch a 'jerk' figuratively bang their head against an unyielding surface until it bleeds.

Blocking is part of going No Contact.  The point of No Contact is so that one or the other party is not tempted to contact or have further conversations or even to be triggered by seeing incoming calls and messages.  No contact is tool for moving forward and not being pulled back into the pain of a break up over and over again.  If a person is hardened enough to be able to resist responding or not to be bothered by seeing messages, great.  Carry on.  Most people have a very hard time policing themselves when they are in the early throes of grieving a break up and a cycle of on and off again begins or is maintained if they continued to allow an avenue of contact to remain.  Blocking goes for Facebook, twitter, etc.  It's not about some revenge thing or to hurt the other person, etc.  It's about YOU and moving on. 

[The Outlaw]

It makes for a 'smoother' transition if they won't leave you be. And most of the time, you won't you've been blocked. I've blocked on social media before, but unfortunately not for very long although she richly deserves it. 

Edited January 6, 2020 by The Outlaw

[preraph]

It's to keep the block her from being upset and remaining focused on the person more than anything. It's the first step to moving on if someone is having a hard time with that. I recommend it more for people who care about the blockee and less for people who could care less about them and aren't focused or irritated by them. And you have to block any stalkers if it gets to that extreme. If they can't see your social media they know they're blocked.

[greymatter]

I was never someone who automatically blocked someone when we broke up or stopped dating. But when I got into a relationship almost two years ago, I decided to block ex BFs and dates because several of them liked to text every now and then (or message me on FB) and I really didn't want my partner to feel threatened by messages from exes asking me how I am. Not to mention I have no wish to hear from any of them. 

[Happy Lemming]

I never blocked a woman from calling me after we broke up, but I do delete her phone number so I don't drunk dial/text her.

[K.K.]

I never blocked anyone because I wanted them to know that I did indeed hear all of their texts and calls and .... still didn’t answer. 

Gotta twist that knife. 

[greymatter]

In spite of the blocking, I was recently contacted by an ex BF who found a way to reach me. We broke up in 2016. He said it was because he wanted some things back, which I immediately took to UPS and mailed (after he sent me a check, because it cost $125 to ship his stuff which I luckily still had). However, in the course of the back and forth about the stuff, he tried to bring up the relationship and I had to shut that down and say I had no need to revisit any of it. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, K.K. said:

I never blocked anyone because I wanted them to know that I did indeed hear all of their texts and calls and .... still didn’t answer. 

Gotta twist that knife. 

They don't know whether you've blocked them or are ignoring.  

[Cookiesandough]

I only block when I am certain I don’t want anything more to do with the person but I feel like they will continue to engage with me and that it will cause distress. I know i am easily affected by people’s words and emotions. For example I didn’t block my ex immediately after I told him it wasn’t working for me and this is what I got: 

“

If I’ve ever meant anything to you before then please meet me to talk. You’re making me feel like I never mattered to you. 

I had no idea you were still dealing with this. When you told me your conditions, which I’ve met, and that you loved me, I accepted that and believed you. 

There is no way I could have known anything that was bothering you if you didn’t tell me. You’re telling me now. Let’s talk about it and work through it. That’s what people do in any relationship that lasts. 

I’ve been preoccupied with stress from work. Did you feel neglected because of this? I promise to share more about what’s going on with me in the future. 

*****, I love you from the top to the bottom of my heart. Anything that caused you to lose interest, please tell me. I am doing my best to make this right. Please meet me to give me a chance.

 

 

”

Babe, will you please meet and talk with me? I’m still on your side of town. 

You’ve always mattered to me. I think about you constantly and with love. I never got to meet your parents. Was that an early warning that I missed?

You’re making me feel like I never mattered to you at all. 

Please say something. This isn’t right that we can’t talk about this. “

 

“I’m racking my brain.

Are sick of my work schedule? Because I’m older? Because I was stressed and upset and didn’t share and unload my feelings on you? Because I was comfortable to just relax with you and be boring, which you agreed with at the time? I’m at a loss. 

If we were in a solid relationship which I thought we were, don’t shut me out. Talk to me and don’t throw 4 months of amazingness away. I deserve honesty. Talk to me.”

 

“I feel like I deserve some time to talk with you. This whole thing came out of nowhere for me. I was completely blindsided and still am. Will you please afford me some compassion and talk to me? Have the past four months with me meant nothing to you?”

 

 

“

It’s been nearly two days since you’ve texted a word. 
If you’re trying to hurt me, it’s working. My head is reeling, my stomach is a knot, and your silence is suffocating my heart. 

Are you trying to hurt me, xxxxx? 

If you’re not trying to hurt me then why won’t you talk with me?”

 

“

I’m supposed to work tonight but I’m trying to get off in the hope that we can meet and talk. 

If that’s something you’d like to happen, please let me know and I’ll press harder to get off. If not, please let me know that as well.” 

*20+ more texts and some missed calls*

“I didn’t expect to be out this late drinking bc I thought I’d see you. Bottom line is I’m over this limit. If your phone has been dead, disregard this. 

You didn’t take my call. I’m going to drive home. If you do get this, please reach out. I’m leaving now. If you care for me, listen and help out. “

 

”I’m home. I have no idea if you care if I’m alive or dead…”

 

So yeah i finally blocked. But not after all that stress. If I believe the person will be respectful and not try to argue with my decision, I never would block 

Edited January 7, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[PinkFlamingo]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

So yeah i finally blocked. But not after all that stress. If I believe the person will be respectful and not try to argue with my decision, I never would block 

Reading the messages, I do feel pity for the guy. Did you ever have a final talk with him? Because he sounds like he needed closure. I would have had a final talk, answered all questions as possible, and then blocked him. 

Edited January 7, 2020 by PinkFlamingo