Where can a woman safely hang out alone to meet men?

[Hopeful30]

I don't enjoy loud music and I don't drink alcohol. Nightclubs and evening bars are not my thing. That being said, I've made an effort to be seen by going to events, meeting with friends in public spaces (rather than chilling at home) and simply walking around downtown by myself, in hopes that I may bump into nice people, make friends and potentially meet a man. I have tried online dating and find that meeting men organically has higher success rates. Plus, there are fewer surprises.

Anyway, I am running out of ideas. I'm at an age where my older friends are settling and having kids (mid 30s) while my younger friends are still in the party phase of mid-late 20s. I find myself ready to settle down in a longterm relationship and am looking for a man to match -- it comes as no surprise that the ones I gravitate towards are already in longterm relationships. I am looking for ideas or suggestions on what a single lady can do alone to increase her chances of meeting men. I was always under the impression that a woman alone is easier to approach, however I suspect that sitting alone and trying not to look bored doesn't make me more attractive. Smiling incessantly is creepy. 

Looking for suggestions on how I can increase my chances of meeting someone! Finances are tight at the moment, so free options are preferable. Thank you!

 

[stillafool]

It doesn't matter if you don't drink but to meet guys you will have to hang out where they serve alcohol unless you go to chruch.  Sports bars are a good place to meet single men.  With the NFL playoffs coming up those bars will be crowded with men.

[alphamale]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It doesn't matter if you don't drink but to meet guys you will have to hang out where they serve alcohol unless you go to chruch.  Sports bars are a good place to meet single men.  With the NFL playoffs coming up those bars will be crowded with men.

I would go one step further and recommend high-end bars or restaurants after work.  high end sports bars would be ok too when the big game is on

[Miss Spider]

I feel like people don’t really meet that much outside of nightclubs, bars, online dating, events specifically catered towards networking, or situations where they are forced to be in close contact (like work or serious hobby). It seems like there would have to be a lot of boldness and/or serendipity at play to meet a partner at a museum or something like that. 

Edited January 6, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Hopeful30]

2 minutes ago, alphamale said:

I would go one step further and recommend high-end bars or restaurants after work.  high end sports bars would be ok too when the big game is on

This may sound like a silly question... do I just order a drink, sit alone and look around? I wouldn't mind reading but this is not appropriate at a bar lol

 

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

(accidentally quoted above, not sure how to delete)

[smackie9]

Girl's night out....those GF's with babies and husbands would welcome a night where they can get dressed up and go dancing. Used to do that with a couple of GF's, one of them being single, ended up meeting plenty of men. It would be just the 3 of us...any more than that would be intimidating for guys to approach.

[Miss Spider]

2 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

This may sound like a silly question... do I just order a drink, sit alone and look around? I wouldn't mind reading but this is not appropriate at a bar lol

 

 

But would the type of guy who would approach a woman sitting alone quietly  eating dinner and reading at a restaurant be someone she’d would want to date lol 

[alphamale]

3 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

This may sound like a silly question... do I just order a drink, sit alone and look around? I wouldn't mind reading but this is not appropriate at a bar lol

lol, yes sit at the bar, order a stiff drink, talk with the bartender, look at the tv regularly,  look single and available (have friendly body language) and LOOK GOOD

[Hopeful30]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

But would the type of guy who would approach a woman sitting alone quietly  eating dinner and reading at a restaurant be someone she’d would want to date lol 

Absolutely! I appreciate a man who recognizes an opportunity when he sees one. Plus, it shows he has faith (in himself, in the universe, in a chance meeting.). These are very attractive qualities for me.

[d0nnivain]

Yes. You can order a non-alcoholic drink & look around.  If you see somebody interesting, smile & say hi. This works in coffee shops too.  However, since you don't drink meeting somebody in a bar won't be ideal for you.  that person probably likes to drink so there will be incompatibility issues later.   Hence, my suggestion that you check out coffee shops. 

Getting involved in groups is a good way to go.  Join a co-ed sports team.  Take or teach an adult education class; they can sometimes be had for under $20.  Check out meet-up groups that do things like play board games, discuss books, tend a community garden or hike.  Volunteer somewhere doing something you enjoy or are passionate about:  fighting disease, the arts, saving the environment; rescuing animals etc. 

FWIW I met my husband at a business card networking exchange.  So take advantage of industry events too.  I don't advocate dating at work but you might meet somebody at a Chamber of Commerce event (your company would pay for you to attend) or a continuing education thing.  

Another option is alumni associations.  I have met people at reunions for HS, college & grad school.  They weren't my year so our paths didn't really cross back then.  

 

[Hopeful30]

3 minutes ago, alphamale said:

lol, yes sit at the bar, order a stiff drink, talk with the bartender, look at the tv regularly,  look single and available (have friendly body language) and LOOK GOOD

How does one *look* single? lol

[d0nnivain]

You "look single" by having open body language, angle your shoulder toward the bar sitting outward; making eye contact & smiling.  

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Do you have a laptop?  Take it anywhere there's WiFi and work on it.....coffee shops, bookstore, etc.

[Els]

5 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Do you have a laptop?  Take it anywhere there's WiFi and work on it.....coffee shops, bookstore, etc.

As someone who actually does that to WORK sometimes, I really wouldn't advise this. Firstly, I'd be miffed if anyone interrupted me, and secondly, well, IMO someone who's clearly working would be a huge sign to other people to not approach. Therefore anyone who was considerate and observant probably wouldn't approach you, hence you are specifically filtering OUT these people (which would be a bad idea if you're seeking a LTR).

I think hobby groups and social events - things that encourage interaction rather than closing you off - would be your best bet.

Edited January 6, 2020 by Elswyth

[Hopeful30]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

Yes. You can order a non-alcoholic drink & look around.  If you see somebody interesting, smile & say hi. This works in coffee shops too.  However, since you don't drink meeting somebody in a bar won't be ideal for you.  that person probably likes to drink so there will be incompatibility issues later.   Hence, my suggestion that you check out coffee shops. 

Getting involved in groups is a good way to go.  Join a co-ed sports team.  Take or teach an adult education class; they can sometimes be had for under $20.  Check out meet-up groups that do things like play board games, discuss books, tend a community garden or hike.  Volunteer somewhere doing something you enjoy or are passionate about:  fighting disease, the arts, saving the environment; rescuing animals etc. .  

 

Thank you for your post! I agree that hanging out at places I don't like can be misleading. This is why I am hesitant to attend places that attract a particular crowd that I don't relate to. The man will assume I am like that crowd (false advertising basically). Then again, if he's there just for company with his buddies, he may be a non-crowd match! Is it ridiculous that I am putting my hopes on chance?

I love that you mentioned volunteering for what you love  That's actually my work. I work at a psychology centre and see patients back-to-back everyday. I am also in a full-time master's program which is also related to the nature of my work, so other than sex, my passions are satisfied at the end of the day  I am inclined towards non-committal low-key and quiet activities above sports teams or further education classes. Something where I can be sociable without having to commit fully (such as team meetings or charitable events).

[d0nnivain]

So look around at your master's program.  Who is in class with you? Do you attend the social functions the school has for the graduate students?  Can you maybe go check out who is getting their MBA or law degree to mix it up with other scholarly minded folks your age?  Where do you study? Go to the library more often or better yet to that coffee shop near campus where everybody knows you go to look like you are studying but really you are there to scope how who's around.  This is akin to CautiouslyOptomistic's suggestion that you take a lap top & work over wifi but doesn't offend Elswyth's point that sticking your face in a computer is a sign screaming go away I have work to do.  You will need to pick your head up from the computer & look around giving the invitation to talk to you. 

As for work, I suppose you can't go trolling for new business at a chamber of commerce meeting. 😋 But you probably have to take some kind of continuing education or fire safety or something. . .what you take isn't important just that you are there for work interacting with others who are similarly conscripted even though you don't directly work for / with them.  

[Hopeful30]

13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

So look around at your master's program.  Who is in class with you? Do you attend the social functions the school has for the graduate students?  Can you maybe go check out who is getting their MBA or law degree to mix it up with other scholarly minded folks your age?  Where do you study? Go to the library more often or better yet to that coffee shop near campus where everybody knows you go to look like you are studying but really you are there to scope how who's around.  This is akin to CautiouslyOptomistic's suggestion that you take a lap top & work over wifi but doesn't offend Elswyth's point that sticking your face in a computer is a sign screaming go away I have work to do.  You will need to pick your head up from the computer & look around giving the invitation to talk to you. 

As for work, I suppose you can't go trolling for new business at a chamber of commerce meeting. 😋 But you probably have to take some kind of continuing education or fire safety or something. . .what you take isn't important just that you are there for work interacting with others who are similarly conscripted even though you don't directly work for / with them.  

It is an online program, so students are from several provinces and there aren't any physical events. Business meetings are a great idea! "Hello, what is your business?" "I am currently in the market for an eligible male for a long-term, satisfying relationship! Do you have a card?" lol I'm teasing  plenty of men at business meetings, I wonder what's a discreet way of learning about their romantic availability without asking directly

From another thread, a poster suggested something along the lines of: "Your girlfriend/wife has good taste. What a great suit!" 

Edited January 6, 2020 by Hopeful30

[stillafool]

51 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

But would the type of guy who would approach a woman sitting alone quietly  eating dinner and reading at a restaurant be someone she’d would want to date lol 

All types of men love sports, especially football.  OP, do you know anything about football?  If you don't drink alcohol order a ginger ale.

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

All types of men love sports, especially football.  OP, do you know anything about football?  If you don't drink alcohol order a ginger ale.

I meant type as in bold enough to come up to a rando on her computer or reading and chat her up. I guess that’s just not my type. Every time it’s happened to me, I’ve not really been interested and kind of annoyed. But I realize I’m not every woman. 

[stillafool]

Hopefully she won't be on her computer or reading a book but watching the game.  I'm not even a man and I wouldn't approach a woman looking that disinterested or bored. If she understands football she can join in the fun and men will see how much fun she is and approach.

[stillafool]

When her chosen team scores she can high 5 them, touch their arm or shoulder.  Just look like you're having a great time, smile and laugh, you'll win.

[d0nnivain]

Just now, stillafool said:

When her chosen team scores she can high 5 them, touch their arm or shoulder.  Just look like you're having a great time, smile and laugh, you'll win.

 

Absolutely.  Scoring a man in a sports bar is like shooting fish in a barrel as long as you can at least look like you care.  

However, like drinking you have to understand that this guy will almost always be into sports.  So either really like it or be prepared to share him with his favorite team.  My DH hates sports so he actually prefers to watch my favorite team in a bar with me.  I get other men who care & he talks to all their wives & GFs.  😃

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I enjoy watching some sports, but I would never go to a sports bar alone.

[Els]

I met my husband at a gaming event - I was there to play and not to meet men, but the side result was certainly pleasant. Given that the (very few) other girls in it had plenty of guys talking to them, I guess the male-dominated activity works, lol. But don't do it if you really don't like it - you'll meet someone who's really into it, and later on the relationship will crumble when it turns out that the thing he thought you had in common wasn't true after all.

[stillafool]

When I met my husband I didn't watch football so I would make breakfast for him and serve it in bed while he watched the preshows.  But because he was such a fan he taught me the game so now guess who stays in bed and watches the preshows and guess who is cooking and serving breakfast?  You guessed it, him.

 

OP, this is a great idea.  Do you know football?