nospam99 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 (edited) My question is really about the superficial qualities that people, especially on online dating (OLD), filter on when deciding whether or not to meet someone. I'll start by 'putting the shoe on my foot'. I strongly suspect that the superficial hurdles that I face include (probably primarily) my height (5'8") and age (going on 66 in less than 5 weeks). If a woman says in her profile (following numbers are typical) that she has a 15 inch range of height and a 13 year range of age and I'm just within the bottom of her height range and the top of her age range, I feel I am realistic to expect she's likely to filter me relative to taller and younger guys. Now to 'put the shoe on' a typical woman's foot, the primary semi-superficial quality is probably looks. I think I'm typical of a lot of men as someone who doesn't want to date an overweight woman. I see lots of women who posts photos on OLD clearly showing that they have no chin and/or no waist, yet they self-assess their body type as 'average'. My question (with preference to responses from the ladies) is whether these women are realistic about their looks and the impact that has on their chances of attracting attention from the guys on OLD? Edited January 13, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Explained acronym 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 9 hours ago, nospam99 said: I think I'm typical of a lot of men as someone who doesn't want to date an overweight woman. I don't know about that! And I don't know about dating but certainly for relationship material a woman knows she's going to get 'fat'/pregnant/sick etc sometimes and I know I would prefer a man who can deal with life's realities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 8, 2020 Author Share Posted January 8, 2020 @ellener. It's probably a 'religious' argument, but 'fat' need not be one of life's realities (and, at my age, pregnancy isn't either). The women I'm meeting socially via dancing and hiking are rarely fat. Ditto when I was regularly meeting women via OLD - 50 and 60-somethings who are into healthy lifestyles including regular yoga, Pilates, and similar exercises. What I started this topic to question is the realism of women who resist the 'a few extra pounds' selection to accurately self-describe their own body type. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) Rather than height and age, I think your hurdle is predominantly that you're looking for a lifestyle which most older women don't want. Regarding how women describe themselves, it depends on how one interprets the word 'average'. Are they average compared to their wider community? Are they average as far as weight statistics go? (The 'average' woman in a lot of western countries is now overweight). I would also suggest that they don't need to be realistic about how they look. Many older women are happy single or in a relationship....it's good either way. But they are at that stage where it's 'take me as I am or don't bother' Edited January 8, 2020 by basil67 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 8, 2020 Author Share Posted January 8, 2020 @basil. In contrast to the profiles I see on OLD that either (most of the time) cut me out entirely on height or age or relegate me to the 'bloody edge' of a range, I see more than enough profiles where the women say they are into hiking, dancing, and (even sometimes) skiing. I mostly use Match.com which provides a 'mutual search percentage'. The female profiles with the high percentages 'say' they are looking for the same lifestyle I'm looking for. However LOL I do get frustrated by those same high percentages also include dealbreaking mismatches on the height and age they're looking for AND location for both me and the women - I get lots of matched profiles on the Connecticut 'Gold Coast' which is too far away both for me and the ladies. Your observation that women my age don't have to be realistic and why is valid and probably a large part of the answer to my OP question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) It's that online search thing - dating is no different to other forms of online shopping. If I'm buying a product online, I put in all kinds of criteria. But if I'm in an actual store, I may fall in love with something I would never have searched for. I'm also curious why it bothers you whether or not they are realistic. I mean, as long as the photo isn't fake, then they aren't doing anything bad. Edited January 8, 2020 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I think a lot of times both men and women are in denial about their appearance and size. To them they still see themselves the same as 5 years ago. They arent necessarily lying about being average sized. They are not seeing the gradual changes their body has made. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I routinely see women on OLD lying about their age, a woman whose pics show her to be 65 saying she is 55 or younger. Who are these women kidding? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 1 minute ago, alphamale said: I routinely see women on OLD lying about their age... And photo-shopping their pictures. Many years ago, I helped a female friend set up her match.com account. I owned a cheaper version of photo-shop and retouched her pictures. Crop this out, get rid of this freckle, etc. etc. In addition to re-touching those photos, they were NOT even current photos. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I can't answer that for others, and I haven't used my account much so far but I did post my most recent photos then update. It did me good as a makeover exercise too, got new haircut, colour, clothes etc. It's fun to see how other people respond. I'm not fat but I have been in response to pregnancy, hormones, illness, medication etc. What I meant was I'd appreciate a man who isn't too bothered by working through those things. The lying, or self-deception, that IS weird. But I was never ashamed of being fat, or made to feel so. It was just a hopefully temporary fact and something to deal with. I don't mind men who are overweight if they are active and comfortable with themselves, I think Robbie Coltrane is one of the sexiest men ever, he did this series in the UK 'Cracker' where he was often gorgeous. I will say one thing about the aging stuff, if either person is very visual I believe you have to come up with other things, it is what it is and aging doesn't look the same as youth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I'm so glad I'm out of the dating market. But back when I was online looking for fun, I noticed a lot of girls who described themselves as "average" when they should have been checking the box next to "a few extra pounds" or "I seriously need a dietician." And I've seen women's lists of all the qualities they want in a man, and it is ridiculous. Especially when a woman doesn't have the looks to back up her demands. Follow that up with a bad attitude and its no wonder there are so many single women who can't find a partner. Match them up with the broke loser men who couldn't find a responsibility if it dropped on their toes like a concrete block. The world of "sexual market value" is very strange these days. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 7 hours ago, alphamale said: I routinely see women on OLD lying about their age, a woman whose pics show her to be 65 saying she is 55 or younger. Who are these women kidding? Believe me, men do the same and it's probably just as ridiculous. I've seen men who are supposedly younger than me and look old enough to be my father. One of my friends always said I should take off a couple of years since I complained that I fell through the filters and since I do look younger, but I have too much pride and I hate being deceived. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 7 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: And photo-shopping their pictures. Many years ago, I helped a female friend set up her match.com account. I owned a cheaper version of photo-shop and retouched her pictures. Crop this out, get rid of this freckle, etc. etc. In addition to re-touching those photos, they were NOT even current photos. You are a traitor to your own kind... 😂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 8, 2020 Author Share Posted January 8, 2020 FWIW, I've also seen a relatively small number of women who self-describe as 'average' when, to my eyes, they are 'slender'. Also women who self-describe as 'athletic' when they are closer to a sumotori than to a USWNT member. Just sayin' @elllener. Yes, fat can be temporary. Part of the fun of a happy, supportive relationship can be exercising and recreating (rock scrambling, dancing, and skiing are NOT exercise ... they're FUN) together to change your bodies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 5 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said: You are a traitor to your own kind... 😂 She actually ended up meeting a guy and had a kid with him. I moved & lost track of her/him/kid. So I don't know how the whole thing turned out, but I guess he got past the "photo-shopped" pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 3 hours ago, nospam99 said: ... recreating (rock scrambling, ... Is rock scrambling anything like rock climbing, if so... it is no wonder that you are having difficulty on OLD. I can see a 55-64 year old woman wanting to take a light hike in nature, but I don't see her wanting to rock climb (she'll snap an ankle or break a hip). My girlfriend and I are active in our travels, but I would never suggest rock climbing or even a hike with large rocks where she could slip and break something. We both have "trekking" poles that we utilize on questionable terrain, but when it gets too rocky we turn back. Maybe you should re-work your profile for 2020 and downplay some of the more extreme activities (you have listed). You do realize that as women age, their bones become more brittle. (Osteoporosis) Just recently, my girlfriend & I were talking about ice skating, but I put the kibosh on that suggestion, fairly quickly. I could just see her (or me) falling on the ice and breaking something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 OLD is filled will landmines of all sorts. That is why it can only be one tool in your arsenal of ways to meet people. Assume everybody inflates their own value & go from there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 8, 2020 Author Share Posted January 8, 2020 @HLemming. Rock scrambling is hands and feet. Rock climbing is ropes, helmets, and pitons and going pretty much straight up the cliff face. Most of the 60 and 70-something men AND women (as well as 'younger' folks) in my hiking meetups do rock scrambling. A favorite for for most groups, including the 55-64 female crowd, is Breakneck Ridge https://offmetro.com/ny/3024/hiking-breakneck-ridge-hudson-highlands/ Breakneck is on my bucket list. The groups I hike with have (so far) preferred the talus https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talus_slope on the opposite side of the Hudson River. Age is just a number and rock scrambling is NOT rock climbing. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 4 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: So I don't know how the whole thing turned out, but I guess he got past the "photo-shopped" pictures. In my recent (last several months) browsing through OLD, I'd say over 90% of the women's photos I viewed were edited in some way, most often by using filters on their phone. It's the current reality and I've just come to accept it. I've wanted to make the comment: "You don't look like a watercolor painting in real life", but I know that's unlikely to end well for me, so it will never happen. One of my favorites is the full body selfie in the bathroom with the suspiciously warped tiles in the background. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 No waist is average if the woman is over 40. they're probably putting that relative to their age. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shining One said: One of my favorites is the full body selfie in the bathroom with the suspiciously warped tiles in the background. There is no way to avoid warping when doing a full body selfie in a small room. To get the whole body, you need a very wide angle lens. This lens gives a 'fish eye' effect which warps the centre of the photo, making it look bigger. I am in a FB sewing group and I see this all the time when people are snapping full body photos of them in their creations for feedback. One could correct the warping in Photoshop, but at an amateur level, tiles are still gonna suffer and the edges of the photo will pull in during the correction. The only accurate full body selfie would be one taken with a lens 50mm or longer, and with the camera a few metres away from the mirror. A mirror in a large bedroom would work. Edited January 8, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) I'm referring to photos in which the tiles are warped in very specific locations. Edited January 9, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed link Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Funny , now don't ask me how this happens but when l did pics back when for a date site, l did a couple of mirror ones and l looked 20 yrs younger, yet everything was in proportion . First girl l spoke to said l don't trust this somem funny goin on here your age says one thing but your pic doesn't look right for that age , kinda funny , l'm but but but.😀 Anyway , glad to read something that explains what me and my daughter were talking about , usually selfies l come out lookin like some kind of pit bull cross torpedo head , my daughters always complaining she comes out looking like a funnel. On the pic date site thing though l wound up totally disagreeing with all this thing about get some great pics or even professional as many say around the forum because a lot of the women did that but looked nothing like it in real life , and l'd wanna just look me too myself . l couldn't see much point in looking anything other than what you are myself because one, you want whomever to wanna meet you for you but not only , they're gonna be meeting the real you anyway not some fancied up pic that really, looks nothing like you , so l just used every day normal me pics.Even the younger one was just a normal pic it just came out like that l don't even know how but l took that one off after that first chick. But a few women l talked to though has pics on the site where as when they sent me selfies man , wouldn't even know it was the same woman so really , l just don't see the point of anything that isn't just the natural you. OP , when l was single l wish l was in groups like that for hobbies , l'm amazed you haven't met someone real just doing what you love doing . My trouble was l had no hobbies that involved mixed groups of people. Although back in younger days when l use to ride, horses, l must admit there was a never ending supply of honeys back in the day haha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 On 1/7/2020 at 3:21 PM, nospam99 said: I see lots of women who post photos on OLD clearly showing that they have no chin and/or no waist, yet they self-assess their body type as 'average'. My question (with preference to responses from the ladies) is whether these women are realistic about their looks and the impact that has on their chances of attracting attention from the guys on OLD? Is that not average for a 60+ woman? You are expecting well above average yet you by your own admission, nowhere near match these women's expectations... On 1/7/2020 at 3:21 PM, nospam99 said: she has a 15 inch range of height and a 13 year range of age and I', just within the bottom of her height range and the top of her age range, You are placing a lot of emphasis on how athletically fit you are, yet your target group probably assigns little value to that. Yes many older women want fun and companionship but I guess few want to scramble over rocks, hike and ski to get that. Your hobbies are fine for people in their 20, 30s,40s, for women 60+...not so much... Find a nice companionable woman is my advice. If you waste any more time hankering after unrealistic options then things will just get impossible... You are reaching for the stars and the stars are out of your reach... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I posted an example of the tile warping I was referring to, but it's awaiting moderation approval. I'm referring to warping in very specific areas, specifically around the parts of the body a woman may want to enlarge or minimize. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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