thefooloftheyear Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 41 minutes ago, PinkFlamingo said: At least the women make an effort to look good. No wonder guys can't get dates if they don't bother to present their best side. No argument... But..sn't it you ladies that keep telling guys that looks don't matter and its more about personality, confidence, success, etc???😝 TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) If you’re seeing “lots of women” (that you consider heavy) saying they think they’re average, they might be right- since there are a lot of them. OP, don’t underestimate the importance of personality to women over 50. Most will date and eventually commit only to someone they really enjoy day to day, who clicks, because that’s what will hold people together even after the ability to hike or dance is gone. Quite a bit like, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?” 😂 The profile essay, what a man says is watched closely to assess whether she'd enjoy him and relax around him. Edited January 11, 2020 by Tamfana 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 15 hours ago, alphamale said: the very short/petite girls want tall men is cause when they have a baby they don't want it to be short. technically the baby should come out average height or better That doesn't always work either. My brother is 6'3 and the mother of his kids is 5'1. His boys are 5'7 and 5'8 and blame him for not marrying a taller woman so they would have a taller height. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 16 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said: Hey! In my opinion the average woman still looks better than the average man. Usually women get judged harsher than men for their looks, so they are also the ones who invest way more time into skin care, hair, a fit body (there is a reason why they offer so many gym classes for abs, butt, legs for women) than men. Who gets more plastic surgery? Who obesses about looking good up to the point that they can't even carry out the garbage without applying various layers of foundation? Who spends more at the hairdresser? Who is judging them? No one is allowed to say anything about women these days. I see people supporting and taking up for women no matter what their flaws are. The most judgment I see about women is usually coming from other women. If men are not attracted to them they just don't bother but know to keep their mouth shut or else. And I have to say if women are getting plastic surgery they are doing it for their own vanity not because someone is demanding it. The same with having to apply various layers of foundation just to take out the trash. The garbage men could care less what she looks like they just want to get on with their job. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 4 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: No argument... But..sn't it you ladies that keep telling guys that looks don't matter and its more about personality, confidence, success, etc???😝 TFY Sure, but where is the personality, confidence, success? 😝 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: Who is judging them? No one is allowed to say anything about women these days. I see people supporting and taking up for women no matter what their flaws are. The most judgment I see about women is usually coming from other women. If men are not attracted to them they just don't bother but know to keep their mouth shut or else. And I have to say if women are getting plastic surgery they are doing it for their own vanity not because someone is demanding it. The same with having to apply various layers of foundation just to take out the trash. The garbage men could care less what she looks like they just want to get on with their job. No, but you said you see nowadays a lot of women who are 55 and look 65. That's a pretty harsh judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Well it's true where I live. Maybe not where you live. Look I am in that age range too so I'm certainly not trying to bash older women. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 On 1/10/2020 at 8:28 AM, 2BGoodAgain said: self perception... can vary widely.... i've met stunning 30yr olds who think they're "average" even as guys gawk at us(her) as we walk down a street... b/c sometimes they have low self esteem, etc.. Good point; however, having low self-esteem is an even bigger problem in real life than not being the greatest looking. It causes so many problems and it does decrease your attractiveness to most people, the lack of confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 But what do most 55-65yos look like? If MOST 55yos look like 65yos, then perhaps they don't look like 65yos they just look like 55yos Maybe some people's expectations of how a 55yo SHOULD look like are not based on real life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 On 1/7/2020 at 7:21 AM, nospam99 said: My question is really about the superficial qualities that people, especially on OLD, filter on when deciding whether or not to meet someone. I'll start by 'putting the shoe on my foot'. I strongly suspect that the superficial hurdles that I face include (probably primarily) my height (5'8") and age (going on 66 in less than 5 weeks). If a woman says in her profile (following numbers are typical) that she has a 15 inch range of height and a 13 year range of age and I'm just within the bottom of her height range She's looking for men between, say, 5'6" and 6'11? That's quite a range. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 As far as height and OLD, I really think most people see OLD as an opportunity to maybe snag someone better than what they could in real life. I think that is unlikely to happen, though. But it may explain why people put the tall height requirement on there, and in real life, they have likely dated men way shorter. If it makes you feel any better, height was never a requirement for me, but I did not find extremely short guys attractive, like maybe under 5'4". It just made me feel like their mom or something. But I did date some short guys and I've said many times on here that the most popular guy in our crowd was about 5'5 or 5'6, though he did wear boot heels to bring him up a notch. I was taller than him and all his girlfriends were a lot taller than him. He liked em that way. My girlfriends didn't have any such height requirement either, but there's no denying that a nice good looking tall guy is more attractive, but they're certainly not the only attractive ones. There's nothing more attractive than a guy who doesn't quite have it all going for him but who is very confident and pays no mind to it. Nothing. Your problem with us old broads is as many have said. Women naturally put on weight as they get older, much more than men do, so it's fine to boast that you've kept yourself in shape and that's great, but it's not that simple for women, whether they have had kids or not. I looked great at 50. Young guys hitting on me and all that, and I had gotten to where I could do a ton of walking, but I hadn't been able to run in a couple of decades, and my feet hurt the whole time walking. From there, it went downhill, with worse foot problems and some other problems and being able to walk less and then you gain weight despite your best efforts. It's called aging. Then my knees and hips started going and it's just a steady downhill slope with that and a lot of PT won't stop it. So I'm your age now, and I love the outdoors and hiking, but I have to do it from a cabin in the woods or a car now. I think that's how most women your age are going to be -- and not all of them ever liked the outdoors. I was a country girl, so I do and it's what I miss the most, going to the river. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) I agree preraph that if I were a guy I don’t think i’d be using OLD as my primary means of meeting women. First of all, the amount of time wasters on there is just crazy. Women apparently just looking for more followers on their cam show, attention from a chat buddy, or a free dinner. Then apparently you have all these aesthetic guys using it as a meat market, so you get a lot of women who think they are punching above their weight when it’s just sex. Then you have the topic of the OP. I mean look on social media can show you that the women you know usually look way better on there than irl. Lastly, and most importantly, it completely removes some really important components to initial attraction. A person’s expressions, the way they walk, the way they carry theirselves, their scent, their energy, the way they talk, their overall intangible vibe you get when you meet irl. Instead, your just another one of many words and thumbnail with stats in an inbox Edited January 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 A few observations and comments on this topic: 1) Don't most people try to put good photos of themselves up on OLD, CV's, book jackets, etc? If I have a pic that makes me look like I have a double chin and another where it doesn't, I'm not choosing the double chin look. 2) OLD is a dating method that has its risks, including the risk of the person you meet turning out to look unlike their profile pictures. It's happened to me. Before I had a dating profile at all, my brother was kind of coaching me to get started. I noticed on his profile he chose to include a picture of himself rock climbing (ironically, in this thread), along with "rock climbing" as one of his interests. It is at least a decade old, and the man will never rock climb again due to a knee replacement. I challenged him on it, he said it gets attention. It is a cool picture, and he's probably still somewhat "interested." He currently has a girlfriend(ish) he met on Match. I have no idea where she stands on the rock climbing issue. They do enjoy "long walks on the beach." 3) A few years ago I attended my 30 year HS class reunion. Unequivocally, as a group, the women looked better than the men. Even the women who were overweight looked better then the men, on average, even if the men were thinner. Part of this is due to the reality that women do more to enhance their appearance; makeup, attention to flattering clothing choices, variety of hairstyles compared to men. Whatever, it was quite unbalanced. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: But what do most 55-65yos look like? If MOST 55yos look like 65yos, then perhaps they don't look like 65yos they just look like 55yos Maybe some people's expectations of how a 55yo SHOULD look like are not based on real life. Being in that range myself, and having been doing OLD as well, I can tell you for sure that there is huge variability in how gracefully women mature (and I'd assume the same is true for men). Part of it is surely genetics, another part is how well they've taken care of themselves over the years, and yet another is current presentation. Being height-weight proportionate impacts their image in ways that cannot be denied. Attitude is important too, but if she looks like those old framed pics of your grandmother... I absolutely cannot do the grandmotherly look. I don't know why they don't realize this and spiff it up. I appreciate those that do. Generally, I think a lot of formerly attractive women are so used to being in control of selection that they don't realize how dramatically the tables turn at a certain age. Many post a pic in their profile of what they looked like thirty or forty years ago, as if that helps to somehow boost their current presentation (it doesn't). Being white, hwp, and over 6', I don't have a problem with filters. The thing I notice is that truly attractive women still expect to be pursued like a debutante, but I don't play that game anymore. They either meet me half way or it ain't happening. The less attractive ones send out short messages to get your attention, and then expect you to turn around and pursue them. Nope. POF has some kind of button that sends a message saying "Hey there ;)". My standard response is "hey." It's so tired. I am hoping to be completely off those sites soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 6 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: No argument... But..sn't it you ladies that keep telling guys that looks don't matter and its more about personality, confidence, success, etc???😝 TFY As always its the total package, if you're hot you can get away with not having much otherwise, especially if all someone is looking for is a little sex. Same for women, hot women can get away with alot as well. So to if you have a lot in another department, personality, success etc. Different people place different value on these things. In general I do believe women place less value on the looks category than men. They aren't lying, just think men overate all the other categories they have and think what is baseline is somehow "great." As to overweight women saying they are average, as others have commented at least in the US overweight, if not obese, is the average. Then again I could care less what category they check, likely to avoid being screened out by search engine filters. On looks I'll make my decision on the photos not search engine fields. I must now apologize to our AI overlords who are just trying to improve our experience by categorizing us and thinking for us. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 On 1/9/2020 at 10:19 AM, nospam99 said: @HL. Like a lot of topics, including ones I start, this is turning into an analysis of the OP's (mine in this case) dating efforts .... off topic, but oh well. At the risk of making it a little easier to stalk me, I'll post a short excerpt from one of my profiles. After writing 'emotional connection is the highest priority' and further down listing a number of my favorite scrambles, I write ... ''I don't require my dating partner to do these scrambles with me. But this list gives you an idea of what activity I enjoy and 'bonus points' if you're indeed active enough to do them with me.'' @nospam99 I am a woman in your age bracket, 5'6", 135 pounds, fit (I run and lift weights), and, yes, it is nearly impossible to find men who are willing and able to put down the remote and do something active. I don't think this is unique to you, but given that you have the option of dating younger (which I do regularly when I meet someone IRL but rarely happens in OLD due to filters), I am surprised at the difficulty you are experiencing. 23 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: Yes, I dated a woman who was 4' 10" and she wouldn't date any guy under 6'... I'm 6' 1", so I made the cut. I really do think the OP is getting rejected by most (on OLD) because of his height. Sorry, man! I have never even filled in the height filter, so I think my preference is whatever it defaults to - something like 4'10-6'9 😂 This is really immaterial, imo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Climbing is a big part o my life and I’d be pretty disappointed if someone had rock climbing as their interest and couldn’t rock climb. That’s a similar bait n switch as a photoshopped pic for me. I wouldn’t lie about interests on your dating profile. That’s like a guy saying he’s a gamer when his real interests are clubbing and basketball and he plays nba live once in a blue moon on an old ps3. Disappointment Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 11, 2020 Author Share Posted January 11, 2020 @nuevo. 5'6" to 6'11' is an 18 inch range. But, hey, I'm IN! .... within 2" of the bottom of the range! I'd better be able to charm her into dating me instead of the 5'10"-6'6" guys in the middle of her range :( But, to repeat, IN THIS TOPIC, when I brought up 'the height thing' is was to establish a basis for comparison .... whether women, specifically on OLD which is 'a different world', are as realistic about their looks as men on OLD have to be about their height. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 I don't know about the height but I do think women would be better served if they posted current, full body pics on themselves on their profiles. There are plenty of guys that are attracted to heavier women and it would work to their advantage to show off curves. And, it would also alleviate some frustration when it comes to guys who aren't into heavier women. I went out with a woman a few months ago who posted a grossly outdated picture of herself on an OLD site. The pic showed that she was on the "curvier side" which I am attracted to. However, when we met, she was easily 40lbs heavier than she was in that pic. She wasn't overweight, she was obese. I was polite and courteous throughout the date but I ended it quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 1 hour ago, salparadise said: Generally, I think a lot of formerly attractive women are so used to being in control of selection that they don't realize how dramatically the tables turn at a certain age. ^ That well may be true. And even truer is they are used to having a better selection when younger, like are most people, and many women, myself included, would rather go without than go with someone they're not attracted to if they can't get someone they are attracted to. They don't HAVE to have a man. Some do. Some can never be alone and are less picky, but a lot of us are like, Well, it was fun while it lasted, but I'm fine alone now rather than lower standards -- because there's nothing you can do. Attraction is either there or it's not. Now, as I got older, I still find some of my old crowd attracted that I ever found attractive, because I remember who they are and what they looked like, but it's more rare with unknown men. I know nothing about them except they look old. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 32 minutes ago, nospam99 said: @nuevo. 5'6" to 6'11' is an 18 inch range. But, hey, I'm IN! .... within 2" of the bottom of the range! I'd better be able to charm her into dating me instead of the 5'10"-6'6" guys in the middle of her range But, to repeat, IN THIS TOPIC, when I brought up 'the height thing' is was to establish a basis for comparison .... whether women, specifically on OLD which is 'a different world', are as realistic about their looks as men on OLD have to be about their height. “Weight versus height” seems to be the modern equivalent for men and women. I think heavier women are more realistic about their attractiveness than shorter men are about their attractiveness. But that would make sense since men tend to overestimate themselves and women tend to underestimate themselves at lots of things, including attractiveness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 l got one of those back when too. Pics she used were 15yrs old and not only was she a really nice looking girl back then but she was also about 30kg lighter. l was that pissed off at that kinda deception l just said point blank sorry , you used old pics you look nothing like that and your 30kg heavier and not for me at all thanks very much. l drove a bloody hour to meet her, l thought it must've been her mother. She said , couldn't believe it- "what difference does that make that l'm heavier now , l liked my hair in those pics" Huhhhhhh. Oh yeah right , ok , well you sleep with you then and l left. l don't care how rude l was l was that damn pissed off at the con job. Because of where she was we'd talked for a week first and she'd messaged me more pics still using the old pics , what a waste of time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 @chillii I was certainly frustrated and disappointed. Her and I had struggled to find a time to meet and had chatted over the phone a bit. She's a pleasant woman, we have a lot in common and looked forward to meeting her. I remained calm and polite because she is a nice woman but the date was bad as my disappointment was probably pretty obvious; she wanted out of these as quickly as I did. Unfortunately, that is the second time that has happened to me via OLD. The first time was much like your situation; she was much older and heavier than her profile indicated. She said she was 38 on her profile and she certainly looked it. There was no way she was a day under 45 and a solid fifty pounds heavier on a very small frame. I didn't even recognize her when I walked into the coffee shop. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 I guess that posting out of date pics on a profile and then going on to meet people who are going to be highly surprised to find you are 20lbs heavier or 10 years older, shorter, balder, wrinklier etc. etc. must be an expression of some sort of a mental disorder. I get wanting to increase your dating pool, but the minute you meet the game is up anyway and it makes no logical sense at all as to why anyone "normal" would do that... Definitely a red flag. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) I think they believe they can win them over with their sparkling personality so much that the person overlooks the fact they just blatantly lied to them Edited January 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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