Tamfana Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: Wearing nothing but black or dark colors... TFY If any woman is concerned about not being deceptive and reads that wearing black is "deceptive," it's not. Black is classic. Most of my cocktail dresses are black and I have black suits, sheaths, jeans, slacks, and so on. On this "reveal your figure to me" plea, once I met a guy at a notoriously sleazy pickup place near me (Eddy V's for the Arizonans, am I right?). I had a fluffy blouse on, tight jeans and heels. I walked up to him and he said, "I can't see your figure!" It was the only time I was on a first meeting and ordered a ton of stuff- sushi, some scallops, drinks. He was the kind of guy who just needs a woman to bitch about so I accommodated. ha! Edited January 12, 2020 by Tamfana 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) Yeah, I dunno. I think what it boils down to is that we have two basic groups of people who are looking for different things. The short-term pleasure-seekers will generally think nothing of lying, fibbing, omitting, or otherwise deceiving to get what they want. Whether it's a woman being dishonest about her physical appearance, or a man lying about his education or intentions. It doesn't matter that they lie to their prospective partners - in fact, it HELPS THEIR CASE, because they don't WANT the relationship to last. It doesn't surprise me that MOST of the people using OLD fall into this category; the OLD platform is basically perfect for those who want to minimize investment and maximize returns (though not all have what it takes to succeed at this, admittedly - I never could have done it; I don't have the constitution for it). People who are very picky about physical appearance, or income, etc. often fall into this category. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with a woman who is attractive to you, but the idea that a bikini picture should be required up-front is absurd in my book. If you want to see me in a bikini, how about you offer to take me swimming and ask me to wear one? Read into my response whatever you may - but if you're not willing to take a chance on "she looks good enough with her clothes on and seems nice" and at least MEET ME before asking me to disrobe for you... you are looking for no strings attached sex, not a prospective life partner - and I have NO interest in no strings attached sex. The people who are looking for long-term relationships, the people who actually want commitment, are more likely to be forgiving of imperfection up-front, and much less likely to lie. If they do, I believe it is typically because they are disordered in some way, or are tragically ignorant. Truthfully, you might be able to "salvage" some of these people - if their heart is in the right place, and they are simply misguided; but do you want that to be your job? I guess some people DO want that to be their job, but for the rest I recommend immediately walking out on anyone who lies like this right off the bat. Even if it is the ONLY THING that is apparently wrong with them - even just one "small" lie that they used to get their foot in the door. Most people won't do that, though, because most people are the short-term pleasure seekers - profiteers of gratification, if you will - and walking out would require that they make a loss of a situation that would otherwise have been a gain - even if less of a gain than they had hoped. I harp on this point a lot, and people always seem to jump to the conclusion that I'm condemning "sex before marriage" - and I'd like to state rather firmly for the record that this is not the case. I do not believe that there is ANY correlation between sex vs. chastity before marriage and the material success or failure of relationships. I do personally believe that there are spiritual consequences for such actions - and that spiritual consequences MAY at times beget material consequences - but that is all quite beyond my reckoning and not something I'd stake an argument on. I certainly DO believe that there is a predictable range of material consequence for jumping into sexual relationships for various material and emotional reasons outside of the context of a corresponding material or emotional relationship - whatever that may be. For folks claiming to WANT and to be actively seeking a long-term romantic relationship, that means establishing that relationship prior to sexual engagement. And make no mistake, requesting photographs of a woman in any state of undress IS a beginning of sexual engagement. I'd suggest this: if more men were willing to meet women who don't publish immodest photographs of themselves, AND if those same men were ALSO willing to WALK AWAY FROM and NOT HAVE SEX WITH a woman they would not be willing to have an ongoing relationship with, this phenomenon probably wouldn't exist. Edited January 13, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 And by way of recommendation for any ladies who might be guilty of fudging their stats: I think I ended up with MORE men legitimately "after me," including some who otherwise might not have even considered me based on weight, because my self-awareness and straightforwardness put them uniquely at ease with me. I'm chubby, but at least I'm not in denial. Be more like me. Men frickin' love me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said: If you want to see me in a bikini, how about you offer to take me swimming and ask me to wear one? All hypothetical, but I'd probably not bother with a guy who did this either. Take me swimming - I love swimming and it would be a great date. But tell me what to wear and it's a big nope from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 I wouldn't do it for a first date, but for a guy I was already seeing and liked, suggestions of what to wear are not unwelcome. In my current state I'd probably tell him that the potential is there, but for right now I look better in a cute one-piece. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 4 hours ago, Tamfana said: If any woman is concerned about not being deceptive and reads that wearing black is "deceptive," it's not. Black is classic. Most of my cocktail dresses are black and I have black suits, sheaths, jeans, slacks, and so on. I knew someone would chime in with the "hey did you see J'Lo in that all black number?...wow"...🙄 C;mon, you are very smart,...you know what I mean...There are some women(some probably you know) that wear practically only loose fitting black stuff, even in 100 degree heat because it makes them look smaller...Even black cars and trucks somehow look smaller than ones in other colors....Its just a mindfck... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 54 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: I knew someone would chime in with the "hey did you see J'Lo in that all black number?...wow"...🙄 C;mon, you are very smart,...you know what I mean...There are some women(some probably you know) that wear practically only loose fitting black stuff, even in 100 degree heat because it makes them look smaller...Even black cars and trucks somehow look smaller than ones in other colors....Its just a mindfck... TFY But aside from that stuff , man l do love black on a good looking woman, gf looks incredible in black Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 5 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: I knew someone would chime in with the "hey did you see J'Lo in that all black number?...wow"...🙄 C;mon, you are very smart,...you know what I mean...There are some women(some probably you know) that wear practically only loose fitting black stuff, even in 100 degree heat because it makes them look smaller...Even black cars and trucks somehow look smaller than ones in other colors....Its just a mindfck... TFY Loose fitting stuff - no matter what the colour - does not make a woman look smaller. If anything, it adds bulk. I should know, I love loose stuff when it's hot summer...but it does my body no favours even if it's black. A dress with fitted top and flared skirt is much more flattering. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 12 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: Wearing nothing but black or dark colors... TFY Plenty ways for a woman to dress "deceptively" but I do not believe wearing nothing but black or dark colours is one of them. If a woman is overweight or obese then wearing black is not going to make her look like a thin woman, if she is an obese woman in a red dress, she is still an obese woman in a black dress.. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 I think some men are finding pickings slim and thus are very pleased to find a woman who looks younger, who says she is younger, who appears thin and so he dives right in. Only to find the pics are out of date and/or she lied about her age/weight. He is angry at her for duping him, but he is often also angry at himself for being so desperate as to fall for it. He gauges his worth by who he can attract and it doesn't feel good to have attracted this woman who is probably as desperate as he is... Seems to me people with plenty options do not get scammed so often as they bypass the "iffy" people, they avoid the profiles that don't add up, they do not feel obliged to give anyone "the benefit of the doubt". Those with few options are vulnerable to being deceived as they feel they have to take what they can get. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) Ahh, so basically there something wrong with a men because they might choose some good lookin woman on a date site rather than all the fugly ones and the only reason he likes that good lookin woman is for his self worth . Heard it all now. So if you choose some good lookin guy among a bunch of dregs , that's for your self worth , yeah , l'm sure and it'd be nothing to do with you actually loving his look of course and being attracted to him or wanting to jump his bones bad,. l can promise ya , the last thing on this planet on my mind when l like the look of someone is self worth. They'd kick me outa here if l talked about what's on my mind at that time. Edited January 13, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 @ TFY Sure, I know people who wear baggy clothes or dark clothes but I’m not deceived by it. I can tell someone’s general size regardless of what they’re wearing. It’s not dishonest, true deception, like intentionally posting very old pictures or lying about height, marital status, age, and so on. Women should not worry about the color of clothes they’re wearing in an OLD picture. Just dump liars when you realize they're lying- whether you're a woman or a man- and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 16 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said: If you want to see me in a bikini, how about you offer to take me swimming and ask me to wear one? I met my girlfriend while swimming at an apartment complex pool, she was already wearing a bikini!! Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Tamfana said: @ TFY Sure, I know people who wear baggy clothes or dark clothes but I’m not deceived by it. I can tell someone’s general size regardless of what they’re wearing. It’s not dishonest, true deception, like intentionally posting very old pictures or lying about height, marital status, age, and so on. Women should not worry about the color of clothes they’re wearing in an OLD picture. Just dump liars when you realize they're lying- whether you're a woman or a man- and move on. Just understand that sometimes I like to create discussion by posting something that I know will get a reaction...While not entirely fiction based. I totally understand what you are saying...and to reiterate no dog in the fight...just hearing from guys who give me their viewpoints...Maybe there is some stretching of truth there, sure... Anyway, I thought about the comment about a two piece and how I you guys body slammed me over it, making it sound as though no woman on this Earth at that age would do it.....Then I remembered at least 5 women my age that had photos of themselves in two piece bathing suits that they posted up on FB(vacation/beach photos).. These were all late 40's-mid 50's women that pulled it off fine and one in particular pictured with her daughter(also in a two piece) that maybe its because I am a bit older but, IMO mom had daughter beat...😮 Then I thought, if these women were to use OLD, and decided to use those pics, would it be so tragic?? I dunno… TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Share Posted January 13, 2020 I see 'about' 1% of the late 50s to 60s crowd post bikini pix. I'm sure the women who do just KNOW they can pull it off and are being 'in your face' to both the men who might want to date (and jack) and the women who will hate. When you've got it, flaunt it. Other women who post photos in tight dresses or ensembles (Natalie) probably could post bikini pix, too, but chose to cover more skin. There's one particular 57 y/o who got a 'WOW!' reaction from me (she ignored my 'wanna meet?' message :( ) Christie Brinkley (going to be 66 next month) is not the only senior lady with a spectacular body. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 A couple of things: 1) Many people wear black almost exclusively. 2) Also, many people have a skewed self image. I imagine that plenty of women who think they have a nice figure are actually overweight and would be scorned by some of you flawless young studs commenting here. Conversely, I would not doubt that some of you youngsters (and a couple of oldsters; OP ) with the elevated self image have received your share of covert eye rolling from women, once they've gotten a personal experience with you. Let's go back to the good old days when a person who seemed compelling in some way was worth exploring a bit more. In my experience, once I was basically captivated by a woman, many of her flaws became endearing to me as part of who she is. Beta? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 @TFY Okay. Then OLD men like OP and your friends who want slim women should approach the women in bikinis, as he just said he has. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 33 minutes ago, nospam99 said: I see 'about' 1% of the late 50s to 60s crowd post bikini pix. I'm sure the women who do just KNOW they can pull it off and are being 'in your face' to both the men who might want to date (and jack) and the women who will hate. When you've got it, flaunt it. Other women who post photos in tight dresses or ensembles (Natalie) probably could post bikini pix, too, but chose to cover more skin. There's one particular 57 y/o who got a 'WOW!' reaction from me (she ignored my 'wanna meet?' message ) Christie Brinkley (going to be 66 next month) is not the only senior lady with a spectacular body. Women who are looking for men don't see heterosexual women's profiles so there's no hating women in bikinis. Do you know why Natalie broke up with you? She seems to be your benchmark so her insights would be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 21 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: Again....Nowhere did I say anything of the kind..In fact I clearly stated I have no dog in the fight..Never used OLD and I cant see any scenario where I would need to...Sounds like a minefield of shyt,, unless the goal is easy sex...which just about every guy I know that has used it says is the only real benefit of it... TFY I'm referring to the original topic from the OP re overweight women saying they are average. All I can say is OLD is far from a minefield, or less so than if you date from your friend circle or worse yet from work. No matter how you meet someone no guarantees they are not nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Share Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) @tamfana. Why Natalie broke up with me was beaten to death in a topic months ago, somewhere in Personal Rants and Confessions IIRC (I was REALLY upset for a couple of months and in limerence for about a year and a half). She 'said' it had to do with my use of porn. I take that at face value. Though posters replying on that topic variously agreed or disagreed about whether she was being fully honest with me. To be fair, it's difficult to ever know for sure after any breakup what the real reasons were. That said, she was certainly special to me AND a unicorn. So even though she's gone from my life, she remains a real (though probably not very practical) example, as you say a benchmark, of how good for me a match with a woman can be and how well generally a senior woman can 'keep up' her body given quite a bit of dedication and determination. And to clarify, she didn't post bikini pix on OLD, rather pix in tight dresses and tops and wearing shorts. She was actively into yoga (maybe Pilates, too), ate very healthily, and had maintained her figure competitively with that of a teenager. Edited January 13, 2020 by nospam99 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 Thanks for the explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 21 hours ago, Tamfana said: I met a guy at a notoriously sleazy pickup place near me (Eddy V's for the Arizonans, am I right?). I had a fluffy blouse on, tight jeans and heels. I walked up to him and he said, "I can't see your figure!" It was the only time I was on a first meeting and ordered a ton of stuff- sushi, some scallops, drinks. He was the kind of guy who just needs a woman to bitch about so I accommodated. ha! What a f-wad that guy was. The sleaze and entitlement just reeks off guys like that in waves. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 11 minutes ago, preraph said: What a f-wad that guy was. The sleaze and entitlement just reeks off guys like that in waves. lol. Yeah. We sat at the bar next to his friends and they were fun, laughed their butts off when I asked for the wine list. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 22 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said: I'm chubby, but at least I'm not in denial. Be more like me. Men frickin' love me. And remember folks, despite what magazines and such appear to be telling you, many men just don't mind chubby that much... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) That's right. And what Kitty said about her personality drew men in is true. If you don't let yourself get beat down by thinking you're not good enough and can somehow keep a good attitude and your cheeriness, you can overcome anything. As many men as there are who are so shallow all they care about is looks and sex, there are some out there who genuinely like someone fun with a great personality. Edited January 13, 2020 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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