elaine567 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 13 minutes ago, nospam99 said: What I'm more curious about is how can women, just in their profiles, describe themselves one way and post photos that don't support the description. Who cares if their description doesn't match the photos? You are capable of making your own decisions no? You are not blind, so what really is the problem? Pass is surely the solution to that one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 @elaine. The reason I care is that I regard realism as a indication and reflection of another person's intelligence AND character. Believe it or not, when I read an OLD profile, I'm looking for more than a bikini body. A bikini body gets a wistful smile and a sigh out of me. A profile that communicates intelligence and character, as well enough physical attractiveness WITHOUT expecting or requiring that grandmother to play the bikini card (nicely dressed for one of their children's weddings works great), gets a message out of me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 A colleague of mine told me that she responded to a promising online profile; they were to meet at a restaurant. When she arrived he was already seated. As she approached the table she noticed a wheelchair against the wall behind it. He was a double amputee. Left that out of his profile entirely. Told her that only a superficial woman would care and he was selecting for depth. She felt that she had been put in a terrible position. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 42 minutes ago, nospam99 said: @elaine. The reason I care is that I regard realism as a indication and reflection of another person's intelligence AND character. Believe it or not, when I read an OLD profile, I'm looking for more than a bikini body. A bikini body gets a wistful smile and a sigh out of me. A profile that communicates intelligence and character, as well enough physical attractiveness WITHOUT expecting or requiring that grandmother to play the bikini card (nicely dressed for one of their children's weddings works great), gets a message out of me. Then you should welcome the mismatch between photo and description. Let's you screen out women who are not for you immediately. It's like I have no problem with women whose profile is not much more than a list of what a man must have and the hoops he must jump through. It lets me know I want nothing to do with them and just pass. Really if they have a couple photos make up your own mind. What is average to one is chubby to another, what is tone to one is just skinny fat to someone else. Nothing really deceptive if they err on the side of thinner if they have photos that let you decide for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 2 hours ago, SumGuy said: It's like I have no problem with women whose profile is not much more than a list of what a man must have and the hoops he must jump through. It lets me know I want nothing to do with them and just pass. That would be the "kiss of death" for me, as well. During the brief time I tried "on-line" dating, if I saw the phrase "He has to have the ability to make me laugh" that was my instant "kiss of death" and I moved on to the next profile. I'm not Jerry Seinfeld nor a court jester, why should it be my responsibility to make you laugh. A woman's interest in me is predicated on my ability to come up with a comedy routine for each date, no thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 (edited) I always have to take the make me laugh with pause. I’m good at it so not such a big deal for me, no routine needed It’s all in tone for me, it’s how she expresses it, desire, demanding over all etc. “Traditional” is what makes me pass, I read that as take care of me and I’m just not that into such roles though when I think on it certainly can hit all the criteria (it’s amazing how many men can’t fix things these days) and do like to bring the masculine under the covers...I just don’t like having to live in that box so too each there own maybe I notice all the women looking for traditional because that’s not my cup of tea, and wonder at the guys who say it is hard to find Edited January 27, 2020 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 25 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: if I saw the phrase "He has to have the ability to make me laugh" that was my instant "kiss of death" and I moved on to the next profile. I'm not Jerry Seinfeld nor a court jester, why should it be my responsibility to make you laugh Ok but as an inability to make anyone laugh or even smile is a common problem in struggling men ,maybe some of these women have been on the other side of that hence they want a man that is capable of seeing the bright side... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 17 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: That would be the "kiss of death" for me, as well. During the brief time I tried "on-line" dating, if I saw the phrase "He has to have the ability to make me laugh" that was my instant "kiss of death" and I moved on to the next profile. I'm not Jerry Seinfeld nor a court jester, why should it be my responsibility to make you laugh. A woman's interest in me is predicated on my ability to come up with a comedy routine for each date, no thank you. Humour is over-rated anyway, from what I’ve learned. I’d be a very rich man if I had a quid for every time a woman has said to me “ZOMG you’re hilarious!” or some such. Women give it too much credence as a quality in it’s own right: ie it’s usually right up there on a woman’s stated list of qualities in a guy, possibly so they don’t come off too shallow, when what they really mean is “if you tick all the other boxes AND you’re funny then my pussy is going to have you in a headlock that you’ll never escape from!” As a skill in it’s own right it’s fairly useless. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, some_username1 said: Whilst in a literal sense it’s entitlement, is it not wrong to “game” the system by using deception? OLD is after all a zero-sum game, if one person cheats then everyone loses. Although I do concede that yes, the answer is obviously not to play from the start. I read here about 'getting the product expected'. Can't remember if it was you or nospam. But this talks to treating OLD as a marketplace for an item. She's a product and the man expects to get what they ordered. Thing is though, because she's now being marketed as a commodity, she's marketed in exactly the way all other commodities are marketed. From the TV who has no visible cords to the hamburger who's buns are supported by toothpicks so that the salad and meat isn't squashed. Even things such as perfect lighting are standard in marketing. So basically, you're just seeing standard marketing techniques used by any online marketplace. Daughter was showing us Tinder the other day and hubby said "it's cruel and shallow". I'm not convinced that everybody losing on OLD is entirely a bad thing. Edited January 27, 2020 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 20 minutes ago, some_username1 said: Humour is over-rated anyway......As a skill in it’s own right it’s fairly useless. Nothing reinforces how much I love my partner than a big shared laugh. I would not that humour is useless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: Nothing reinforces how much I love my partner than a big shared laugh. I would not that humour is useless. But how important would your partner’s sense of humour be if it was without the other things you find attractive? I suspect it would lessen the appeal of his humour- that’s what I mean about humour being useless in isolation. Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 9 minutes ago, basil67 said: I read here about 'getting the product expected'. Can't remember if it was you or nospam. But this talks to treating OLD as a marketplace for an item. She's a product and the man expects to get what they ordered. Thing is though, because she's now being marketed as a commodity, she's marketed in exactly the way all other commodities are marketed. From the TV who has no visible cords to the hamburger who's buns are supported by toothpicks so that the salad and meat isn't squashed. Even things such as perfect lighting are standard in marketing. So basically, you're just seeing standard marketing techniques used by any online marketplace. Daughter was showing us Tinder the other day and hubby said "it's cruel and shallow". I'm not convinced that everybody losing on OLD is entirely a bad thing. Full disclosure: I used the term “product not as advertised” after a drink the other night, obviously a poor choice of words as I wasn’t intending to mean it so literally! And in a sense you have a point about people losing not being a bad thing- but the stark reality is that online dating is absolutely beating the crap out of it’s competitors, the BBC had a graph up a few months back that showed that respondents to some survey revealed that the next nearest method of finding a partner (through friends) was about 3/4 of the way down the graph from where online dating currently is. It’s very much here to stay, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Because it’s so easy and we take the path of least resistance. It’s virtually reduced the initial fear of rejection for men to nothing. I wonder if the next generations will ever know what it was like to have to approach a woman they didn’t know and ask her out in person. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 10 hours ago, elaine567 said: A profile is essentially an advert. Most people want to stand out so that they will be noticed by the people they want to notice them. Women get bombarded with images of "perfect" women. Every celebrity pic needs to be just right, so every trick in the book is employed to give the best impression. Selfie culture and technology has made it possible for just about everybody to use professional techniques to enhance images at the touch of a screen. No-one wants to look "bad" on their "ad", when puffiness, lines and wrinkles and blemishes can be erased almost instantly by an app. You can't turn up to an event in a baggy t shirt, cheap jeans and no make up and expect to impress, when every one else is glammed up to the max. Similarly you can't show up on OLD with photos that make you look about 20 years older than everyone else your age, as everyone else is using filters and contouring makeup and lighting and angles... OK to say everyone is fake, but are men going to even notice the women who are more honest with their "advert"? Probably not. That is the problem. l would actually say yeah , the genuine guys would anyway, l looked for it myself. If your genuinely after a relationship then you don't just want a clone and a good lookin photo, you want someone special and where you actually suit each other. But they were mostly so predicable, just carbon copies of the rest, your not even seeing real when she says the same things as everyone else , either that or she is just like the majority of everyone else but either way l had zero interest. Weirdest thing was , the everyone else's weren't realistic at all and way way over rated themselves. Where as l found that special one that stood out to me were actually often not only usually far better looking anyway yet actually quite humble about all that, but they also talked about special things and had some soul and depth which was what l was looking for myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 2 hours ago, some_username1 said: But how important would your partner’s sense of humour be if it was without the other things you find attractive? I suspect it would lessen the appeal of his humour- that’s what I mean about humour being useless in isolation. I don't think anybody wants humour in isolation. Every person and their dog knows that it's about the package. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 2 hours ago, some_username1 said: Full disclosure: I used the term “product not as advertised” after a drink the other night, obviously a poor choice of words as I wasn’t intending to mean it so literally! I think your choice of words is perfect. OLD is turning people into commodities. A woman here wrote recently that if she had one date every week for a year, she could probably find someone. What is wrong with a person who needs to meet up to 365 people before she finds someone she clicks with? And the guys who recently talked about wanting a bikini shot so that there'd be no surprises. This is just nuts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: I think your choice of words is perfect. OLD is turning people into commodities. A woman here wrote recently that if she had one date every week for a year, she could probably find someone. What is wrong with a person who needs to meet up to 365 people before she finds someone she clicks with? And the guys who recently talked about wanting a bikini shot so that there'd be no surprises. This is just nuts. Just so we are clear here... I was the one that brought up that issue(bolded)….BUT I didn't say anything about "wanting" anything....Just that if I were a woman who claimed to be fit/athletic and wanted to show myself as what I would expect someone to eventually see, then I would add that type of a shot to my profile...Millions of women dress that way at the pool or beach, its not so outrageous..As a person that is quite fit myself if I ever, heaven forbid, had to do this venue, id probably show a pic in nothing but my BVD's ...I have nothing to hide, heck when the weather is warm I go out and get the mail like that..😆 Isn't that better, or even refreshing, than showing a bunch of pictures that look like they were taken in front of the mirror at the Fun House? Then....."surprise!!"...?? TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Thanks for the correction. FWIW, I wouldn't match a guy who had a photo of him in his undies - far too vain for me. Racing swimmers or would be acceptable to if he was photographed doing something related to swimming. Likewise, I wouldn't do a posed bikini shot, but I would consider a candid photo of myself in a one piece racer with a cap and goggles on my head. (so hard to type goggles - fingers want to do google) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I would love to see you with googles on your head ... I think? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I am excellent at finding things with my googles on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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