Women Making the First Move

[K.K.]

I’ve ran across a few threads here lately that gave me the overall impression that in dating, the woman should be the one to wait on the man to make the first move or risk being seen as “aggressive”. 

 

Is that really true? 😮

 

I’ve never even considered that showing interest would be seen as a bad thing. Sure, I can see where coming up to man and asking if he’s DTF would be distasteful, yes. But if the woman likes the man’s looks and/or mannerisms, personality, and he has given signs that he thinks she’s cute (staring into her eyes a little too long, smiling, checking out her butt as she walks by etc.) is it really so bad for her to take the lead and just go for it? Or is that kind of confidence in a woman seen as being in poor taste and/or a turn off? 

 

This is just a general inquiry, not specific to myself. I’m not sure now one way or the other that’s why I’m asking. I’m second guessing all those times I just walked up and put it out there. Would like to hear what you think whether you’re a man or woman. I couldn’t find any poll option so I just numbered 1 or 2. 

 

So ok... you’re out at a club, or anywhere you might see someone for a bit of an extended period of time that you think is hot and would like to get to know better. Which do you think is the best course of action for success...

 

1.)  The woman straight out flirting and laying it on a lil thick if she’s feelin him? 

 OR 

2.) The woman being demure and shyly waiting in the corner for the man to approach? 

 

 

 

 

[alphamale]

1)

[Miss Spider]

Might just want men to answer, but I tried this recently. I approached a guy via FB who I was interested in and he liked it. It probably depends on the guy . 

[Double D]

1

[Piddy]

I'll go with one number 1.  Easy decision.

I would've loved having an 'aggressive' girl approach me back in my day.  I think a girl should be able to approach a guy if she's attracted to him and initiate a conversation etc..  Why shouldn't it be a two way street?

  My wife told me she asked guys to dance when she and her friends were out clubbing.  If you sit back and wait, it could be a long wait.  Plus, for the girl who does initiate, she gets to chose who she approaches and is attracted to.  If she sits and waits in the corner, it's a crap shoot who she's going to have approach her.

[mark clemson]

Yeah 1 works for me also.

[5x5]

For me it sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, with the deciding factor being whether I am available and attracted to the woman or not.

So there have been plenty of occasions when I have ended up turning a woman down, just as there have been plenty of occasions I said yes to them as well.

That said I've always been flattered by it and like it when it happens.

Some yes...

When I was 17, I met the then 16 year old girl who would become my ex-wife. A mutual female friend came up to me and said that she asked her to ask me to talk to her. So I did and amongst her first words, she told me how beautiful I was, then asked me to kiss her which led to us having sex for hours through till dawn and then having an ongoing sexual relationship afterwards.

When I was almost 25 my now (2nd) wife who is a year older than me, asked me out on a date when we were at work. The first date was at lunchtime so we didn't do much. We then followed it with an evening date where we saw Trainspotting, went to a cafe for dinner, and went to a video game arcade, before going to her place afterwards. Which she then followed by initiating sex with me on our third date.

When I was 24 I remember meeting an attractive 28 year old woman on public transport (a night ride bus) on the way home one evening, not long after I had sex with another woman in a nightclub. I know it was crude yet I was inebriated and she was keen for it. Anyway with the woman on the bus, I didn't speak to her much yet my friend spoke to her and her friend more. Then when we got off the bus, she pressed a note into my hand with her phone number on it while kissing me and saying call me. So I did later then we met for lunch and she picked me up for dinner and a movie then took me back to her place and we had sex at her asking.

And some no...

I was 22 and at a party with a 19 year old woman who I wanted to get into her pants with. When another woman  of the same age earnestly asked me to take her virginity, to her disappointment I turned her down. Which to my surprise saw one of my other male friends coming up to me and asking if it was okay if he had sex with her. Since she told him she would prefer it was me than him, yet he was the next option. I said go for it, and I hoped they enjoyed themselves.

I was 27½ when a 21 year old attractive Japanese new housemate on a student visa, asked me to show her my music collection. So I did which she followed by asking if I was gay because I didn't want to have sex with her. I told her I was getting married soon, so didn't want to cheat on my fiancée. She said it would just be some fun for a little while, and she didn't  mind if I was with someone else.

I was 33 and turned up at an attractive married woman's house, with my 4 year old son for a play date. I was surprised at how scantily clad she was, being able to see her nipples through the side of her top. Anyway she then shows me around her house (while her husband was at work) when she asked me if I wanted to have sex with her when she showed me her bedroom. The answer was yes I wanted to yet I told her no thanks, she just shrugged and said if you change your mind let me know.

On and on etc with others both yes and no.

As to your question presuming I am available and attracted to the woman, No 1 would work fine for me.

Regarding No 2, if she was waiting without any positive response to eye contact and a smile. I wouldn't bother approaching at all since I would presume she wasn't interested and wouldn't want to waste my time on her.

Edited January 7, 2020 by 5x5

[mark clemson]

LOL. So far out on the normal curve, 5x5! 😄

[snowboy91]

Definitely 1.

Most guys I know really don't mind if a girl makes it obvious they are interested in him, and don't mind her making the first move. It's 2020 - a lot of traditional dating "rules" are broken now.

Besides, as a girl, do you really want to miss out on being with some guy you think is really hot, just because you didn't try and make the effort? The worst they can do is say no!

[basil67]

K.K. I've never had an issue with making a first move.   Nor did I ever do the whole dating thing of having him make all the phone calls and plans.   Funnily enough, I've also never been desperately single

Edited January 7, 2020 by basil67

[preraph]

Nothing wrong with flirting, but that's different.  That's just showing him you're open to him.  That's way different than just propositioning someone or telling them you want them before you even know them at all.  The problem with that is if you really come on to them,  they assume it's only sexual and that this is a done deal and you two will have sex.  It's not going to prompt them to ask you out.  

 

So flirting is the way to go, just talking to them and smiling and maybe some light touch on the arm or something. 

 

The other consideration is what type guy do you want, alpha, beta, something in between?  Because if it's always you aggressing, you're likely to end up with some betas, whereas if you just flirt a little and wait for them to make the definitive move, it will take the  more confident guy to do that.  You reap what you sew.  But no, don't just stand demurely and wait.  Find a way to casually talk to the guy about the surroundings or whatever in a non-loaded not overtly sexual way.  

[5x5]

29 minutes ago, preraph said:

Nothing wrong with flirting, but that's different.  That's just showing him you're open to him.  That's way different than just propositioning someone or telling them you want them before you even know them at all.  The problem with that is if you really come on to them,  they assume it's only sexual and that this is a done deal and you two will have sex.  It's not going to prompt them to ask you out. 

It might prompt some.

I will and have readily asked women out as an ongoing thing after having sex with them when I have enjoyed the sex and their company.

Although I can't speak for others, most of my ongoing sexual relationships have started out with sex, which were then followed by dating afterwards.

Yet as someone who has had no problem pursuing women and initiating sex, while also enjoying some women pursuing me and initiating sex. I've simply never presumed anything about where a sexual relationship, might go whether it begins with sex or sex follows closely after starting dating.

That said I have never carried on any dating relationship at all in the absence of early sex. Although in my experience which was a long time ago (1990s). I've had some women ask me "what the hell is wrong with you", when I didn't try to have sex with them on the first date. So for the most part I ended up having sex with women not long after meeting them or usually on the first date, although sometimes I still waited for the 2nd and 3rd date to go there.

Edited January 7, 2020 by 5x5

[preraph]

^ No, I get that, but did they proposition sex to you on first meeting or act like it?

[alphamale]

1 hour ago, 5x5 said:

For me it sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, with the deciding factor being whether I am available and attracted to the woman or not.

 

you're quite the stud 5x5

I've had pretty much the same experiences

Edited January 7, 2020 by alphamale

[5x5]

^ Several propositioned me overtly and directly on first meeting, some of those I said yes to although certainly not all. Some initiated physically by kissing, then undoing my pants etc and pulling out my...

[5x5]

2 minutes ago, alphamale said:

you're quite the stud 5x5

No I really don't think I am.

Edited January 7, 2020 by 5x5

[The Outlaw]

I've been on the receiving end of # 1 and it was quite the change of pace. If you see someone you dig, go for it. There's nothing really wrong with changing the game every now and then. 

[alphamale]

2 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

No I really don't think I am.

don't be modest 5x5, you love when women show interest in you

[5x5]

4 minutes ago, alphamale said:

don't be modest 5x5, you love when women show interest in you

Of course I liked it, yet it wasn't all the time and I've been turned down by plenty as well.

[alphamale]

Just now, 5x5 said:

Of course I liked it, yet it wasn't all the time and I've been turned down by plenty as well.

same here brother

[The Outlaw]

48 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

Of course I liked it, yet it wasn't all the time and I've been turned down by plenty as well.

Sometimes it's probably a blessing in disguise. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

A woman who approaches first should tread carefully. Some men will go along with it, not intending to really get to know the woman or even being attracted to her, hoping to get easy sex since they know she is interested. 

[JustGettingBy]

If you're the kind of person who likes to take initiative, then any guys who sees you as 'too aggressive' for making the first move is a guy who probably isn't right for you anyway.

[K.K.]

Thanks for the responses y’all. 💜 I’m still mulling this over... 

I overthink everything.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

In today's society, we have a lot of men who are, through technology, lifestyle etc. not as masculine as maybe a traditional man would be. Because of this, any attack on masculinity today, for the most part, is taken very seriously.

I believe, that the modern woman's response to the lack of masculinity in the men around them, are tattoos and piercings... I believe this is a, maybe subconscious tactic, to almost like, scare away men who are not very masculine. For some women, being around masculine men is something that they have always experienced, but for others, they seek masculinity because they've almost been sheltered from it... By less masculine men... Almost like a lashing out of sorts.

So I mean, less masculine men are going to approach less and are going to be less open to being approached... So as a woman, you really have to kind of mind your personal level of masculinity or risk almost challenging a dude with your own level of masculinity, if your level is high enough. Coming on strong with a dude who has low masculinity, will probably make him defensive or even outright scared.

For me personally, I have different levels of masculinity that I adopt, but typically if I see a woman covered in tattoos and piercings and I just throw myself at her, it usually works out really well and likewise, being very reserved works for women without much surface masculinity, but I personally do not like being approached by very masculine women... I like to be in control; a woman who doesn't let me have full control, because it like becomes a challenge to her, I really don't like that. If its fun, cool, but when these chicks get defensive and challenge me, while they are in this space where you know, its fine for them to hit me, but the second I hit back, its all bad, well, as a dude, I really don't want to be in that space with a woman, especially around other people, like at a club lets say, its just a bigger risk I feel like.

Yeah, if your a woman operating outside of "Hey, wanna come over?" I think you need to be super mindful of your femininity vs. masculinity and take a hard look at the guy you are approaching and adjust as best as you can, like you can start off strong, but if he is not receptive, then maybe just a "Hey, maybe we can talk later on?" as opposed to just continued persistence.

In addition, a great wardrobe choice for a woman who maybe struggles with the masculinity vs. femininity thing and how to like manage that, would be a hoodie... A hoodie, when worn and zipped, makes you look more masculine I feel like, you aren't showing much skin, you seem a little more closed off maybe, but then you have an outfit underneath that is more skin revealing, to kind of bring out your feminine traits when you need to, if you feel like the hoodie is gonna kinda muck up your approach a bit or vice versa, you can put the hoodie on and just be a bit more masculine.

Edited January 8, 2020 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT
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