How NOT to mess up the whole casual fwb/fb situation?

[Metsgal]

I texted him a few hours ago and he responded....he told me he wasn't horny "right now." I sense a lack of excitement on his part, so I took some of the advice that I was posted on here.. and decided to take the conversation to the next level...what turns him on , I told him if he liked the sexy secretary outfit and he replied that he does. I'm just trying to find ways to spice it up, its only been our 3rd meeting, I sure as heck don't want it to go stale. I just met him 4 weeks ago. But then again, I know fwb don't last forever..but I need to get some on a regular basis or else get super cranky.  

[basil67]

I'm sorry,  'not horny right now' translates to "no longer interested".     Save your dignity and walk away.

[elaine567]

The desperation is palpable.
This is a waste of your time and the fact he turned you down, should be a dealbreaker.
If you are going to trade a relationship for sex then you need to get something out of it, validation and an ego  boost if nothing else.
You need a man who is hungry for you.
A FWB who turns you down will sap your confidence and make you feel awful, so get rid.

[basil67]

And to be honest, a guy who's 20 years your junior was never going to be more than a shag or two.   

[Happy Lemming]

57 minutes ago, Metsgal said:

I texted him a few hours ago and he responded....he told me he wasn't horny "right now."

I don't think that was the truth... Any young man worth his salt is always horny. 

I had one woman text me when I was at work.  I asked my boss if I could leave work.  I told him the truth and he told me "Go ahead, go have fun" and I left work for my FWB.  He was one cool boss/owner!!

For me (and I do think I am the average male), unless I have a migraine or I'm super sick, there isn't much that would keep me from coming over for sex from a FWB!!

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I don't think that was the truth... Any young man worth his salt is always horny. 

I had one woman text me when I was at work.  I asked my boss if I could leave work.  I told him the truth and he told me "Go ahead, go have fun" and I left work for my FWB.  He was one cool boss/owner!!

For me (and I do think I am the average male), unless I have a migraine or I'm super sick, there isn't much that would keep me from coming over for sex from a FWB!!

And if he couldn't leave work, he would have set up a meet for as soon as he was able to get away

[d0nnivain]

You are already chasing him too hard.  You have known him for 4 weeks.  You have had 2 meetings.  He turned you down for the 3rd.  You responded by offering role play & outfits. Oh dear. That screams desperation.  You are being needy & seeking validation through sex when all you want is love.  You two should be hot & heavy hitting the sheets at least 2x per week at this HM stage.  Him not being horny is a lie. He's just not horny for you.  This is already over.  Walk away before you debase yourself further.  

Buy a vibrator.  Get some therapy.  Work on your self esteem.  Then go find a fulfilling relationship.  

[mark clemson]

23 hours ago, rjc149 said:

 an easy, available wet hole.

Aaaaaw. I bet you say that to all the gals.

[K.K.]

7 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Aaaaaw. I bet you say that to all the gals.

Bwa ha ha ha ha. Hahahhahaha 😂 

[Mrin]

OP: I honestly don't think you did anything wrong. Turns out this guy isn't a good FWB. At least not a regular dependable FWB. Good FWB's in my minds are: 1) dependable (this guy isn't), 2) really skilled at sex, and 3) won't get the feels. This guy failed #1. If what you're out for is a FWB then keep "interviewing".  😉

[Miss Spider]

2 minutes ago, Mrin said:

OP: I honestly don't think you did anything wrong. Turns out this guy isn't a good FWB. At least not a regular dependable FWB. Good FWB's in my minds are: 1) dependable (this guy isn't), 2) really skilled at sex, and 3) won't get the feels. This guy failed #1. If what you're out for is a FWB then keep "interviewing".  😉

Agree ...I’m not an expert, but I feel like a fwb who isn’t horny is about as useful as a chocolate teapot 

[rjc149]

Seems to me like he saw it as a 1 night thing that got an encore on another night. 

I had a FWB who wanted me to do lots of foreplay, she wanted me to kiss her passionately before and during sex to make her feel sexy, wanted me to send her texts appreciating her, etc. Basically, she was using the FWB scenario with me for relationship-type emotional validation and affection. It really killed the mood, because I really didn't have those feelings for her, I wasn't romantically interested in her at all (hence why she was just a FWB) and her neediness was off-putting. I'm guessing you're masquerading your desire for emotional connection and physical affection as a 'boytoy' FWB situation. 

But if you're just really horny and need the d, and you don't want things to go stale with this particular guy (sounds like it already has), maybe take it a notch beyond dress-up and role play. As in, offer to let him experiment with alternative methods of sex on you. In the modern era of millennial men who routinely masturbate to anal gangbang porn, dress-up isn't all that kinky and enticing anymore. 

Or, maybe find a man in your age range that you can date and fulfill your need for emotional and physical affection. 

 

[thefooloftheyear]

My guess is that his buddies found out and started making fun of him...

Just move on....

TFY