Author Syd8 Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 Another part of all this that pisses me off is when I would ask a friend of mine what they were doing this week. They would say they had no plans. I would then ask to get together for coffe and they would say I don't know, I'll get back to you. As the week would be coming to an end I would ask again only for them to say they made plans with another friend. I'm like ok, I asked you first when you said you had no plans. But someone else asks toy after I have and you make plans with them. How am I suppose to feel? It pisses me off. People sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Syd8 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 Finally cut ties today with the last of my so-called "friends". Just got tired of the same excuses I've been talking about. It feels good to finally be free of them. I'm not making anymore friends from now on. It's just me and me alone. Nobody cares anyways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 6 hours ago, Syd8 said: Finally cut ties today with the last of my so-called "friends". Just got tired of the same excuses I've been talking about. It feels good to finally be free of them. I'm not making anymore friends from now on. It's just me and me alone. Nobody cares anyways. Honey, people do care or we wouldn't be writing to you here. Your bridge-burning and declaration of friendlessness from now on is symptomatic of your pain and frustration. I dropped social media very quickly because it made me hurt to see when I was excluded etc. People pose their lives as though everything is wonderful a lot of the time, and I was lonely and hadn't really connected where I was living and everyone was 'too busy' to do stuff I wanted to. What I realise now is I had little in common with some of them, and my conversation was challenging sometimes ( I was going through a divorce and doing social activism on issues like LGBTQ rights, and I had depression which sometimes made me angry, sometimes melancholy ) I don't see some of those people now, but some of them have drifted in and out of my life, and one has become a close friend though she often tells me 'enough now' when I'm going on too much for her ( I do go on a bit sometimes ) which earlier in our friendship would have hurt my feelings but now it's just another expression of our comfort zone and love. You will feel better, look for activities, chat to people casually, be kind as possible whether the person reciprocates or not. When I had severe mental illness for example I made a point of I must talk to five people a day plus I found a counsellor and some activity groups I could dip in and out of just for human contact. And online support is invaluble in places like here, where people are open about the ups and downs in their lives. Sending you a massive cyber-hug (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Syd8 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 2 hours ago, Ellener said: Honey, people do care or we wouldn't be writing to you here. Your bridge-burning and declaration of friendlessness from now on is symptomatic of your pain and frustration. I dropped social media very quickly because it made me hurt to see when I was excluded etc. People pose their lives as though everything is wonderful a lot of the time, and I was lonely and hadn't really connected where I was living and everyone was 'too busy' to do stuff I wanted to. What I realise now is I had little in common with some of them, and my conversation was challenging sometimes ( I was going through a divorce and doing social activism on issues like LGBTQ rights, and I had depression which sometimes made me angry, sometimes melancholy ) I don't see some of those people now, but some of them have drifted in and out of my life, and one has become a close friend though she often tells me 'enough now' when I'm going on too much for her ( I do go on a bit sometimes ) which earlier in our friendship would have hurt my feelings but now it's just another expression of our comfort zone and love. You will feel better, look for activities, chat to people casually, be kind as possible whether the person reciprocates or not. When I had severe mental illness for example I made a point of I must talk to five people a day plus I found a counsellor and some activity groups I could dip in and out of just for human contact. And online support is invaluble in places like here, where people are open about the ups and downs in their lives. Sending you a massive cyber-hug (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Thank you. But I'm pretty set in being done with people all together. It's just not worth it and I'm clearly not worth it. It is what it is. Best of luck to you. Thank you to everyone who has posted here and offering me advice. It has been a good outlet for my issue. This board is nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 One friend does keep me in mind for when she has a few days off, which is probably 4 times a year only. But there's little communication in between, and I hardly ever initiate and here's why. I've noticed that if I even text or email with some tidbit, she seems to take it as that I am pressuring to see her, so I feel like I can't even just touch base without eliciting an "I'm real busy until whatever" response. She assumes that's what I am angling for, which is why I usually just refrain from doing it, which leaves her to do the asking. I mean, I already know she's only going to see me on vacations, basically. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 they are not your freinds or dont see you as that type of freind. a real freind will make time. sometimes even take you with them to what they busy with. just to have you with them and spent a bit time with you.dont give up,keep socializing, there are many out there that will apreciate you. but if it happens with you and many,maybe ask some feedback and look into it if its clear to you why many dont want to hang with you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 On 1/27/2020 at 10:08 PM, Syd8 said: Finally cut ties today with the last of my so-called "friends". Just got tired of the same excuses I've been talking about. It feels good to finally be free of them. I'm not making anymore friends from now on. It's just me and me alone. Nobody cares anyways. One option I've found that works good is accepting humans for who they are and giving whatever one desires, here offers of friendship, freely and without expectation. If it works out, it does, if not move on to something else rather than invest in one desired outcome. If that results in being alone, that's cool. Alone is good. We can't take humans with us. It's nice to have a few associations along the way, enjoy those moments for what they are. I came to that place through MC before my wife and I divorced. She was who she was and all the wishing and hoping and expecting wasn't going to change reality, so accept it. The psychologist taught the brain tools. And, yup, it's fine to express anger when you're angry. Feel it to the full, get it out and let go of it. Very freeing. When we were getting divorced I had a standing date with my best friend at the LEO pistol range. We'd blow off a lot of ammo and I felt quite refreshed after. Do what you need to do. It'll work out. Good luck! 👍 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 I think most people should have a variety of friends and not just a few. I try to see my friends in a 6 weeks cycle. I don't want to be dependent on a lot of people for social fun. I go to places by myself. I am not going to be stopped just because a friend does not want to go with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Syd8 Posted March 8, 2020 Author Share Posted March 8, 2020 Nah, I'm done with people. Thank you though. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 I've chimed in here before, but they were never really your friends in the first place if they were always 'busy' and also suggest trying to make new ones that would more than welcome you into their circle and WOULD have time for you but it looks as if you've made the decision to cut people out of your life. I just hope that you change your mind about that because it won't be as easy as you think it is. I've been down that road and it's a lonely one. Trust me on that. No matter what you may think or feel, life is more rewarding with people than without. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Syd8 Posted March 11, 2020 Author Share Posted March 11, 2020 On 3/9/2020 at 6:16 PM, The Outlaw said: I've chimed in here before, but they were never really your friends in the first place if they were always 'busy' and also suggest trying to make new ones that would more than welcome you into their circle and WOULD have time for you but it looks as if you've made the decision to cut people out of your life. I just hope that you change your mind about that because it won't be as easy as you think it is. I've been down that road and it's a lonely one. Trust me on that. No matter what you may think or feel, life is more rewarding with people than without. Thanks, but for me you're wrong. I'm use to being lonely, trust me. People just aren't worth it. For some reason people just don't want to hang around me. So I'm done with it. I actually ran into a former friend who suggested we catch up. But I flat out told her no because we both know she'd be "too busy" when the time would come that I suggest we hang out and catch up. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted March 11, 2020 Share Posted March 11, 2020 IMy friend has told me how busy he is for over 10 years! I don't even mention doing anything any longer. Even if you say it is a long time since we met, he will assume you want to see him and his wife. My friend is full of it. Sometimes he works only part-time or is on a very long vacation. he is still busy. However, annoying this is, you are too young to give up on making friends. In the future, you can decide how often you will see, talk to or text friends, and where, and keep records of this, as I do. I note every conversation or email I send, how long on the phone, etc, like a lawyer would. You might keep notes what you said too. Then there are people who have only acquaintance like friends with no obligations whatsoever to do anything. I called them "clothed aquaintances" or half-friends. Expect nothing from them. Link to post Share on other sites
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