SuzieQ1208 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) My ex-boyfriend of a year ghosted me after we got into an argument on the phone over his drinking. His exact words were, “Good f***ING bye” before hanging up on me. I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time and in the process of miscarrying our baby. Needless to say, the abrupt silence was devastating. I made several attempts to get a hold of him, to no avail. I was absolutely crushed. Three weeks after he began ignoring me, (he ignored the several attempts I made to reach out to him during that timeframe) he blocked me on all social media accounts. He never said a word, never gave a reason, it was like he deleted me out of his life and pretended I never existed. He wouldn’t even respond to me when I said I needed to have an emergency D&C because I didn’t fully miscarry and if I didn’t have my partner there, I would have to have the procedure without sedation. (By the way, the entire operation unbearable and awful. I was alone, mourning the loss of my baby, and the father couldn’t have seemed to care less). A week later, he refused to speak to me when I sent him a text saying wanted to collect my things and I would bring his items (all washed and cleaned!) too. Nothing. The hurt I felt was indescribable. I was unable to get out of bed for almost two months while suffering though horrific postpartum depression and the abrupt loss of my boyfriend. The combination of hormones and emotional pain often rendered me suicidal. I was utterly and completely broken. Fast forward two months later. At 10:30 PM on a Saturday night, I received a notification from Instagram alerting me that one, he obviously unblocked me and two, he began to follow me again. I find this especially weird considering my profile is public, so peeping my page doesn't require a formal follow. I assumed he was drunk, and the next morning he would wake up and see him self out. He didn’t. It’s been two weeks and he’s still there. I did not follow him back. We have not spoken since the day he hung up on me in August. He watches all of my stories, (never ‘likes’ or ’comments’ on my posts). I’m uncertain what to think of this abrupt and odd behavior. Does he feel regret and this is his pathetic way of testing the waters? Or is he simply f***ing with my head? Edited January 8, 2020 by SuzieQ1208 Spelling errors Link to post Share on other sites
BrookeM Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 First, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I can only imagine how especially difficult it was for you to heal and process your loss without proper emotional support from the father, which you rightfully deserved. I find it appalling he had the nerve to abandon you, then justify his behavior by giving you deafening silence because he heard you say something he didn’t like. I’lll go out on a limb here and assume you called him out on some harsh truths, and he didn’t care for the way it sounded. It seems to me like he’s used to being so unimaginably selfish, he cannot empathize with others in a meaningful way during their time of need. The fact that he could leave the mother of his unborn child during such a devastating time is despicable. His callousness is unnerving, and if I were you, this fact would be on the forefront of my mind. If I were to bet, I’d say he’s definitely trying to get your attention. He might feel remorse for the way he walked out on you, he might miss you, or he might be hoping to trigger you to fall back into his web if it appears your’e moving on with your life. In any event, this guy hasn’t had the decency to formally apologize to you for how awful he HAD to have known he made you feel while he was too wrapped up in himself to give a s***. What he’s doing now seems to be right on schedule with a psychologically weak, insecure man. He’s poking you at you in a vague way, hoping minimal effort will elicit a response. He’s not wearing his big boy pants or offering a sincere explanation as to why he was a gigantic DICK to you, instead, he’s hoping enough time has lapsed to where maybe, just MAYBE, you’ve magically forgotten how awful he was and now he’s free to pick up where he left off. I’m sure he’s missing you. It doesn’t seem like you did anything to warrant such cold, hostile behavior, and I’m sure he knows that too. He’s probably embarrassed over how he behaved and doesn’t know how to reproach you - but be warned. Right now he’s looking for the easiest possible way to right his wrongs, which is hallmark of a coward. Anyone with an ounce of good character, who truly regrets doing the unforgivable, will swallow their pride and own up to their misconduct. Someone of bad character will look for shortcuts. IE refusing to talk about the past or their horrible behavior. Remember this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Hi Suzie, I'm so sorry you went through such an horrific loss alone. I strongly suggest that you block this guy and hide your stories from him. I'm not sure what it is he is trying to do, but it seems like he is wondering about you again. Don't let him in. He doesn't deserve you. He abandoned you when you needed him the most. The only person you need right now is you x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Please don't go back or allow him a foot in the door. If he can toss you away and then try to sneak back in under the radar then he has a very small conscience. He does not have a healthy image of you in his mind. He's a user. You could get that kind of treatment from a stranger on the street. You don't need it from a supposed SO. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Something is wrong with this man. He clearly has issues and possibly at least one personality disorder. My guess is that his escape from the relationship and his responsibilities hasn't gone wonderfully as planned, and he's testing the waters with you to see if he can slither back in your life. If I were you, I'd block him and ignore any attempts he makes to communicate. In addition, you may want to see a therapist to figure out why you would allow a man like this to be in your life, why you would allow yourself to get pregnant by him, and why you still care about what he's thinking. It almost sounds like you want him back. I'm so sorry about your miscarriage, but it's done and there is a bright side that you will not be tied to him for the rest of your life. You have a clean slate and you deserve much better than this kind of treatment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I'm so sorry you miscarried and had to go through that alone. You didn't have family or friends to help you either? That's awful. Actually I'm surprised you even texted this guy after he showed so little concern for you and his baby. I would have never spoken to him again and any stuff he had at my house would be burned and he could do the same with mine. Block this guy from reading or seeing anything about you. I don't know why he unblocked you but I hope you have the good sense not to talk to this guy again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 That really is sad and incredibly cold hearted of him. Burn this bridge and walk away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Please accept my condolences on the loss of your baby & my congratulations that you are no longer dating this tool anymore. He's a jerk. Delete him. Block him. Never look back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby and that you had to go through that alone. I hope you had friends and family who were there for you and I hope you have a good support system. Ignore him and move on if you can. He does not deserve to be in your life. You are a strong woman and you will thrive without him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) I'm sorry for your loss. But here is the bottom line: Alcoholic = selfish, self-absorbed and incapable of being a quality, supportive partner through anything let alone something as awful as a miscarriage. In addition, your child/children will deserve a father who is not an alcoholic and a good role model. It doesn't matter why he unblocked and is following you. What matters is your health and moving on without him. You've dodge a bullet with this guy. You should block him. Not as some kind of revenge but to allow yourself to be free of triggering back to all this pain. Be thankful and remember that no one F***ks with your head unless you allow it. Close this chapter of your life and focus on the future. Give yourself time to grieve your loss and then dust yourself off and carry on being the strong, secure, independent and focused woman you are/can/should be. Edited January 8, 2020 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) I'm very sorry about your baby and but at the same time you had to find out what a worthless worm the baby's father is. Alcoholics frequently abandon anyone who says anything to them about their drinking. I'm 67 and I have seen and heard of this happening over the years all the time. This guy is a POS. It's better you found out now. it's better you did not have to be civil to him for the rest of your days because you did share a child. I know you're all emotional and confused and I'm sure you're probably hoping you can somehow salvage something but please believe the people on this forum when we tell you you need to cut this man loose and block him from seeing what you were doing and block him from contacting you and just get on with your life. don't let him use your belongings and his belongings as an excuse to weasel his way back in. if you know where he is you should just ship him his stuff and forget about your own. Edited January 8, 2020 by preraph 3 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 "worthless worm" - way to go Preraph. I like it. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, SuzieQ1208 said: I needed to have an emergency D&C because I didn’t fully miscarry and if I didn’t have my partner there, I would have to have the procedure without sedation. (By the way, the entire operation unbearable and awful. I was alone, mourning the loss of my baby, and the father couldn’t have seemed to care less). Why is a partner required to get a sedation? I would block him. He is a piece of garbage. That was also his baby and he didn't bother at all? Because you had a problem with his drinking? That guy is so worthless that there is no further explanation required why you should dump him and move on. And I'm very sorry for your loss and that you had to do it all on your own. Edited January 8, 2020 by PinkFlamingo Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) You should have seen what I put first, Schlumpy! It rhymed with ickless muck. Edited January 8, 2020 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 An alcoholic's first love and priority is ALCOHOL. Always. Anyone who tries to get in between them and alcohol is left in the dust. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I'm sorry for your loss but it would be best to block him and try to move on the best you can. I don't know what's going through his head (if anything) but kick him to the curb. He's said, done and more than spoken his piece and he isn't even worth an afterthought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 3 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said: Why is a partner required to get a sedation? I guess because they will not let you go home to an empty house after sedation. You need someone there to make sure you are OK. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 5 hours ago, PinkFlamingo said: Why is a partner required to get a sedation? Probably because they're not going to let her drive herself home. I have to be sedated for an MRI and need someone to sign the form saying they'll drive me home. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 On 1/8/2020 at 3:19 AM, SuzieQ1208 said: My ex-boyfriend of a year ghosted me after we got into an argument on the phone over his drinking. His exact words were, “Good f***ING bye” before hanging up on me. I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time and in the process of miscarrying our baby. Needless to say, the abrupt silence was devastating. I made several attempts to get a hold of him, to no avail. I was absolutely crushed. Three weeks after he began ignoring me, (he ignored the several attempts I made to reach out to him during that timeframe) he blocked me on all social media accounts. He never said a word, never gave a reason, it was like he deleted me out of his life and pretended I never existed. He wouldn’t even respond to me when I said I needed to have an emergency D&C because I didn’t fully miscarry and if I didn’t have my partner there, I would have to have the procedure without sedation. (By the way, the entire operation unbearable and awful. I was alone, mourning the loss of my baby, and the father couldn’t have seemed to care less). A week later, he refused to speak to me when I sent him a text saying wanted to collect my things and I would bring his items (all washed and cleaned!) too. Nothing. The hurt I felt was indescribable. I was unable to get out of bed for almost two months while suffering though horrific postpartum depression and the abrupt loss of my boyfriend. The combination of hormones and emotional pain often rendered me suicidal. I was utterly and completely broken. Fast forward two months later. At 10:30 PM on a Saturday night, I received a notification from Instagram alerting me that one, he obviously unblocked me and two, he began to follow me again. I find this especially weird considering my profile is public, so peeping my page doesn't require a formal follow. I assumed he was drunk, and the next morning he would wake up and see him self out. He didn’t. It’s been two weeks and he’s still there. I did not follow him back. We have not spoken since the day he hung up on me in August. He watches all of my stories, (never ‘likes’ or ’comments’ on my posts). I’m uncertain what to think of this abrupt and odd behavior. Does he feel regret and this is his pathetic way of testing the waters? Or is he simply f***ing with my head? This is one of the saddest things that I have ever read. My heart goes out to you SuzieQ Link to post Share on other sites
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