advice, please

[carolynt]

After the only business trip my H has ever taken, I had a feeling things weren't "right". Hated to but started monitoring his email and, sure enough, he had met a woman and was continuing to contact her. They've never written anything that would give me solid evidence but they talk about pretending to be on their honeymoon and they flirt heavily.

 

Tried talking to H, telling him I felt things weren't right. He told me I was being ridiculous. I'm miserable!

 

If I tell him I've read his email, it's simple enough for him to get a new address I won't have access to. Then I'd never know and my trust in him has been destroyed. If I'm not willing to tell him what I've done, how can I get the truth out of him?

 

Thanks.

[HotCaliGirl]

I think to flirt heavily behind your back is considered cheating - it is obviously hurtful and not something to do when you have a significant other. A lot of people here are against going through email or snooping, but if you're married, I would think you could share and know about everything... Had I not snooped, i'd still be with someone who I found out was cheating on me.

 

As far as how to handle it, I think you should be honest and confront your husband about the emails you read to get his explanation. Also, did he travel with this lady on the "business trip?" I think honesty is the best policy. Just because he's not giving it to you, I don't think you should stoop to his level, I'm sure you don't feel comfortable reading through his flirty emails with this other woman, so unlike what he is doing by hiding it, don't hide what you are doing, do what you would expect and want from him, which is to be open, honest and communicate.

 

If you fear he will only make a bigger effort to cover his tracks, then clearly there is a big problem. But I would confront him as soon as possible. Don't attack him, but give him an opportunity to discuss it with you and try to work things out so that you can gear him back on the right track before he gets used to what he's doing and starts to justify it to himself!

[ReluctantRomeo]

HotCali is right - fantasising about a honeymoon is emotional cheating. And the fact that he is lying and covering his tracks shows he thinks so too.

 

Bring it out into the open, see what he does

[sylviaguardian]

I agree that pretending to be on honeymoon is way off the mark but I wouldn't let on that I have opened the e-mails. You will have no other way of monitoring it and it will drive you crazy.

 

I would have a little chat with your husband on the pretext of talking about something else. Let him know your feelings on infidelity. Maybe that will be enough to bring him to his senses.

[teressa0397]

After the only business trip my H has ever taken, I had a feeling things weren't "right". Hated to but started monitoring his email and, sure enough, he had met a woman and was continuing to contact her. They've never written anything that would give me solid evidence but they talk about pretending to be on their honeymoon and they flirt heavily.

 

Tried talking to H, telling him I felt things weren't right. He told me I was being ridiculous. I'm miserable!

 

If I tell him I've read his email, it's simple enough for him to get a new address I won't have access to. Then I'd never know and my trust in him has been destroyed. If I'm not willing to tell him what I've done, how can I get the truth out of him?

 

Thanks.

IF yo feels like things arent right. they are not, dont let him no about the E-mail he will changed it. something will slipp and you will catch it. Good luck.

[Sunset]

Don't let on that you looked at his email otherwise he will cover his tracks.

 

I personally would keep quiet, monitor his email and then if things get 'hot' change his password so he can't view his email.

 

You could always purchase a key logger if it's a home computer, easy to google and you can remotely snoop that way.

[bigbuffs]

I think that concrete proof would be good before you confronted him, but how long can you sit and wait for that? I think the best thing would be to expose this now before it gets out of hand (if it hasn't already). He will most likely deny anything that is going on so I would try to catch him in a lie (through something with the emails) and if he does lie, he is obviously hiding something from you. He would have no reason to lie if he isn't hiding something. You have to expose this because it's going to eat at you if you don't. Also, most affairs stop when they have been exposed.

 

Stay strong and know that the truth will come out eventually.