PinkFlamingo Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 So far I believed that FWB were law-free zones, everbody does what he wants and when you want sex, you call up on your buddy. In another thread here, it seemed that if when you are in a FWB, you can expect your buddy to deliver. 😁 What are your general expectations regarding a FWB? Do you have any rules? Are there variations of FWBs (I got offereced an exclusive FWB once, that confused me a bit)? How do you differentiate it from a relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I've had several FWB(s) in my life. Rules are different for each woman. I had one... no staying the night, no calling her for sex, she'd call me. It was her call when we had sex. She was quite busy in her professional life, so I understood the "rules". Another one, no rules... if I wanted sex, I'd call her up and 99% of the time, she'd say "yes" and if she called me 100% of the time I'd say "yes, just give me time to shower up and get over there" I would "chit-chat" with this one and we would also do "friend" things together (outside of the bedroom), but we weren't dating or in a relationship. Just good friends that had sex together. In another situation, she would get real horny; we'd go at it for a couple of days in a row, then I wouldn't hear from her for two weeks, then another 2-3 days of insatiable sex. She was also a "no staying the night" and "I'll call you when I want sex, don't call me" type of FWB. In my opinion, it is the woman's choice to set the rules of the FWB situation, but she does need to communicate them to the guy, so he knows where he stands and how NOT to mess it up. How do I differentiate an FWB from a normal relationship... Easy answer, no dates/dating. As far as exclusivity, if I'm having enough sex to fulfill my needs, I don't look elsewhere. I can't remember ever having a discussion about exclusivity as the situation wasn't a relationship, so no expectation of exclusivity. I imagine if a "FWB" woman requested exclusivity, I could comply, but I would want to be able to call her for sex and expect she would say "yes" most of the time. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 I am wondering if I should try this with a guy I recently broke it off with >>fwb<< But I like cuddling and showing affection, chatting, spending time together. is that necessarily off limits ? Also how do you initiate it ? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Like anything else, it's what works for the 2 people involved. I have had NSA sex with friends if we were both in the same place at the same time (not planned in advance) unattached & horny. Those people were genuine friends 1st so we did interact in other ways. I have just had a guy I called or he called me when we wanted to release some stress if you will. The only "rules" I ever applied were: 1. If somebody developed feelings, it was over. 2. Practice safe sex. 3. While I understand that we are not exclusive please don't throw it in my face; be discrete. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: I am wondering if I should try this with a guy I recently broke it off with >>fwb<< But I like cuddling and showing affection, chatting, spending time together. is that necessarily off limits ? Also how do you initiate it ? Cuddling & affection with an EX while endeavoring to have a FWB is a recipe for reigniting feelings & ending up crushed. My advice: don't try it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Just now, Cookiesandough said: I am wondering if I should try this with a guy I recently broke it off with >>fwb<< But I like cuddling and showing affection, chatting, spending time together. is that necessarily off limits ? Also how do you initiate it ? You are the woman... you set the rules. If you like cuddling and him spending the night (after sex) that is in your parameters of rules. He isn't one of your girlfriends, so don't expect a lot of chatting unless you are going to invite him over for sex after some brief chatting. As far as spending time together outside of the bedroom, I did have one FWB that we would do "friend" things together, but be careful it doesn't develop into a relationship (if you don't want one). As for initiating an FWB situation, invite him over for dinner, "touch" him, but before having sex; tell him of your FWB rules and see if he is on-board... if so, go for it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 (edited) FWB is whatever you want it to be, as long as you discuss and agree on any limits. For me, the only limitation is that there will not be a long-term romantic relationship, and even that can be subject to change in very special circumstances. Some of my FWB did not want cuddling or social outings, others welcomed cuddling and being friends outside the bedroom, so going places together socially was fine, meeting their friends was fine, etc. (i.e., being Friends in addition to having Benefits, as opposed to a fb or booty call where no social expectations are needed or wanted). If either or both can't handle something, it needs to be off the table, or the FWB scenario ended due to incompatibility of needs and expectations. Edited January 8, 2020 by central 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 What if it’s not really an ex, just someone I dated. There are no romantic feelings involved. It just sucks that the only way you can get a need for intimacy met has to be in a serious relationship because not everyone wants that commitment. I hope I’m not jacking thread!! I just wonder, like OP, how much of the “friends” element can it really be Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: You are the woman... you set the rules. If you like cuddling and him spending the night (after sex) that is in your parameters of rules. He isn't one of your girlfriends, so don't expect a lot of chatting unless you are going to invite him over for sex after some brief chatting. As far as spending time together outside of the bedroom, I did have one FWB that we would do "friend" things together, but be careful it doesn't develop into a relationship (if you don't want one). Thanks !!! Very helpful Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: I just wonder, like OP, how much of the “friends” element can it really be I was pretty good friends with that one FWB. In addition to outings and some out of town trips, I helped her move (I had a big truck at that time) and helped with some home improvements and carpet cleaning. During the carpet cleaning, I told her she had to be naked the whole time I was using the "rug doctor", she playfully agreed and we had wild sex after I completed the carpets. We actually had a lot of fun, but we were clear it wasn't a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 10 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Thanks !!! Very helpful Life is short... have fun!! Enjoy yourself!! Best of luck. 😀 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Like most other things, the terms are negotiable. Most of my FWB arrangements have been exclusive. Some had a no sleepover rule and others had a must sleepover rule. In some cases, we hung out together and in other cases it was basically sex only. The key is communication. Discuss what you would like and determine if you can come to mutually agreeable terms. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Both FWB situations I've been in turned into relationships, so my "rules" probably don't work all that well. But here goes anyway. - The arrangement is open - we are free to date/sleep with others. As such, protection is a must. - I've usually slept over - we usually go late enough (and hard enough 😉 ) that we are too tired to go home! - Consent is to be respected. If someone isn't in the mood then we leave it to another time. - If someone catches feelings, we re-evaluate (not necessarily say it's over - but we need to know what we want going forward). - We do "friend" things - but they aren't necessarily prioritised over other friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) On 1/8/2020 at 7:55 AM, PinkFlamingo said: What are your general expectations regarding a FWB? Do you have any rules? Are there variations of FWBs (I got offereced an exclusive FWB once, that confused me a bit)? How do you differentiate it from a relationship? So, you can have multiple FWB at the same time? Do they know about each other? FWB wasn't around in my day. Sounds like fun, but I was always a relationship guy. I think I'd only want one FWB at a time. We want to make sure we're safe right? Seems like the chances of an STD would be greatly increased with multiple FWB. Edited January 9, 2020 by Piddy Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 8 minutes ago, Piddy said: So, you can have multiple FWB at the same time? Yes, you can. Of course, there are the risks you mention. And I firmly believe that if you are having multiple simultaneous sexual relationships, that ALL of your partners need to be fully honest and informed about each other, and negotiate with each how to keep things safe and sane. STDs are not an issue if everyone has been checked, and do NOT have other partners who could introduce one. Additional partners are one of the negotiation points, but you might have group exclusivity. I have had two FWB - and for a brief time, three. They all met each other, and it even resulted in a few threesomes for me. However, more than one FWB is unusual - and difficult to maintain for long, IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkFlamingo Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 (edited) 45 minutes ago, Piddy said: So, you can have multiple FWB at the same time? Do they know about each other? FWB wasn't around in my day. Sounds like fun, but I was always a relationship guy. I think I'd only want one FWB at a time. We want to make sure we're safe right? Seems like the chances of an STD would be greatly increased with multiple FWB. I don't have any, hence the thread. Whatever your questions are, I am not the expert to answer them. Edited January 9, 2020 by PinkFlamingo Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 On 1/8/2020 at 4:55 AM, PinkFlamingo said: What are your general expectations regarding a FWB? Do you have any rules? Are there variations of FWBs (I got offereced an exclusive FWB once, that confused me a bit)? How do you differentiate it from a relationship? This is the topic. Save the pejorative term discussion for venues away from LoveShack.org. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) My (first and I'm sure last) FWB relationship that's lasted for over a year now and I agreed to sexual exclusivity - but we're not in a romantic relationship. We will stop the "benefits" when one of us wants to be with someone else. We were also friends for several years before adding the "benefits" so we had a level of trust going into it. My experience is very different from what I've read others on this forum describe - so I agree it's up to the two people involved to set the "rules". Of course the same is true in all relationships. The most important thing - again as in all relationships - is to make sure you're on the same page, which requires good communication. Edited January 10, 2020 by Finding my way Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 (edited) Does anyone know how to do fwb and not get hurt or hurt anyone if there are feelings involved and you like that? Like The person has said they are falling in love and you like them a lot/have feelings growing as well, but know for sure you don’t want a committed relationship. Are there rules do you put in place? You just basically want to be best friends who care for each other and sleep with each other ? Or will it just suck in the end ? Anyone have experience with this? Edited January 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 You can try and put rules into place, such as being open with feelings, etc but ultimately if someone doesn't want it to turn into a relationship then it will always suck in the end. But, when you think about it, almost all relationships suck when they end! Although I think a FWB ending sucks less than a breakup of a committed relationship... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Trying to be FWB with someone who is "falling in love" with the other person is a no-go. The person who is falling may agree to the FWB hoping it will turn out as more, but they will be just as hurt when the other person finds someone else or just ends the FWB for some other reason as if they had been in a regular dating relationships. Each person needs to be really clear on the limitations and expectations before you even start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 8 hours ago, Finding my way said: Trying to be FWB with someone who is "falling in love" with the other person is a no-go. The person who is falling may agree to the FWB hoping it will turn out as more, but they will be just as hurt when the other person finds someone else or just ends the FWB for some other reason as if they had been in a regular dating relationships. Each person needs to be really clear on the limitations and expectations before you even start. What if you both have feelings for each other... like love... but you just don’t want the commitments like exclusivity etc ? That’s what I never really understood about fwb. It seems like so much of the delineation is focused on being cold and not having feelings for the other person. But we love our friends? We hug our friends, have breakfast, go out to eat, and talk about our feelings with friends. Because it feels nice and it’s an important part of healthy human intimacy. But we can’t have this with a friend with benefits ? It seems like a misnomer Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 58 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: What if you both have feelings for each other... like love... but you just don’t want the commitments like exclusivity etc ? That’s what I never really understood about fwb. It seems like so much of the delineation is focused on being cold and not having feelings for the other person. But we love our friends? We hug our friends, have breakfast, go out to eat, and talk about our feelings with friends. Because it feels nice and it’s an important part of healthy human intimacy. But we can’t have this with a friend with benefits ? It seems like a misnomer If you were in love with someone would you really be okay with them having sex with other people while having sex with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) Yea I guess you have a point. Jealousy would probably always come into play. I thought maybe agreeing that you are not a couple would get rid of that. That sucks, I almost thought I’d found a loophole Edited January 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: That’s what I never really understood about fwb. It seems like so much of the delineation is focused on being cold and not having feelings for the other person. It's less about being cold and more about being not hot. You can certainly have feelings, but the feelings shouldn't be that strong. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts