FWB rules

[TheDao]

On 1/10/2020 at 10:30 PM, Cookiesandough said:

Does anyone know how to do fwb and not get hurt or hurt anyone if there are feelings involved and you like that?  Like The person has said they are falling in love and you like them a lot/have feelings growing as well, but know for sure you don’t want a committed relationship. Are there rules do you put in place? You just basically want to be best friends who care for each other and sleep with each other ? Or will it just suck in the end ?  Anyone have experience with this? 

From my experience do not speed too much together.  No gifts, no sleeping over like the other person has said.  Make the terms clear because people tend to change their mind.  My mistake was buying my FWB roses.  I bought them for her since she brought an expensive fruit tray, etc.

[2BGoodAgain]

FWB has as many rules as any relationship... b/c that's what it is... a relationship, albeit lacking commitments, etc... 

[hotpotato]

Hmmm, I dont have a lot of rules. 

I dont go over to a guys place unless I'm 100% sure I want sex. 

We are free to see other people. Current Fwb doesnt like ne seeing other guys, but he sees other women. My previous one was monogamous as far as I know and expected the same. 

I'm open to going out with a fwb. My current one and I chat on the phone here and there. 

[hotpotato]

On 1/12/2020 at 11:10 AM, Cookiesandough said:

Yes @peraph, but what if you want friendship and romantic affection like kissing and late night cuddles with a hottie and you don’t want all the obligations that come with traditional committed relationships like sexual exclusivity, spending enough time with them, keeping them happy, satisfied, etc, worrying about their life and building a life together? 

I would like that, too. I want someone to travel with occasionally, cuddle with. Sometimes I want to call or text something nice to someone. I dont want a bf, but I want relationship things.

I dont know how to find that in a fwb.  

[VioletVelvet]

On 1/8/2020 at 11:19 AM, Happy Lemming said:

How do I differentiate an FWB from a normal relationship... Easy answer, no dates/dating.

I've had lots of dates with my two FWB's. I've also had lots of sleepovers, and we definitely had feelings for each other.

I became good friends with both them while our respective relationships lasted (one dude and I are still in touch though we haven't seen each other in a couple of years) 

(BTW I use the word relationship deliberately: Doesn't matter what you do together or how often or what rules you create. If you see another person regularly you are having a relationship of some sort, and this means respect for each other) 

But no meeting friends/family would be a big rule. And no photos together, especially on social media. 

 

[Kyra]

On 1/12/2020 at 12:20 PM, Cookiesandough said:

That’s what I never really understood about fwb. It seems like so much of the delineation is focused on being cold and not having feelings for the other person. But we love our friends? We hug our friends, have breakfast, go out to eat, and talk about our feelings with friends. Because it feels nice and it’s an important part of healthy human intimacy. But we can’t have this with a friend with benefits ? It seems like a misnomer 

Thing is there is FWB (friends with benefits) - as it says - a friend who you have sex with but not a romantic relationship. These are very tricky and risky!

Then there's F***-buddy - someone you aren't really friends with but just hook up with for sex and nothing else. This is the thing that you would see as cold and not having feelings for them. You may not like it but the aim with this arrangement is to not have feelings, just sex. The way to make that work is to not be friends or treat it like a date.

[Kyra]

On 1/8/2020 at 11:55 PM, PinkFlamingo said:

So far I believed that FWB were law-free zones, everbody does what he wants and when you want sex, you call up on your buddy. In another thread here, it seemed that if when you are in a FWB, you can expect your buddy to deliver. 😁

What are your general expectations regarding a FWB? Do you have any rules? Are there variations of FWBs (I got offereced an exclusive FWB once, that confused me a bit)? How do you differentiate it from a relationship?

I can only imagine the idea of an exclusive FWB agreement is to be fluid-bonded - ie. you don't need to use condoms (after testing negative) with each other as neither is having sex with anyone else.

As for rules and expectations, it varies depending on whether it's an actual FWB - with an actual friend you already spend time with, or if it's actually a f***-buddy - not really a friend, you just hook up. The latter is much simpler. The most important 'rules' are those you should implement to protect yourselves from catching feelings - things like: don't make it a date (don't go to dinner and chat first), don't cuddle, don't talk about anything but sex and some light chit-chat, don't use affectionate names like darling, my dear, don't do gifts, etc. 

FWB with an existing friend is more complicated. Generally you don't want it to change the relationship. So if you didn't hold hands going for long walks on the beach as just friends, don't do it as FWB.

Other than that individuals will of course have their own rules and expectations - like don't expect me to answer every text or don't call me after 9pm