Sex drive down, will it ever come back?

[Heavenlyflower9]

I think it went down right after we got married. We've been together for 12, married for 9 years. At first I thought it was because I was home sick. H was very understanding and tried his best to help.

After awhile, my H and I decided to have a baby. We thought it was the right time. H was still making the first move. I could'nt get myself in the mood. If it was up to me we'd go without it for months. Even during my pregnancy I did'nt want to. H would get upset and I would tell him it's my hormones all out of whack. Anyways...

After giving birth to our son, I totally lost it. Pornos would'nt turn me on anymore. I just kinda ignored it, i guess hoping it'll get better. My H gained some weight and he believes it has something to do with it. That he does'nt turn me on. NO!! I did'nt think so.

Just to make problems worse. H had an affair 6 years ago. Why? Because I was'nt giving him any attention (while I was prego).

We dealt with all that crap and we've put in the past. Went to MC and it helped our marriage, but not our (my) sex problem. okay...maybe it made it go down even more because of his A.

But now I'm trying, I want to get in the mood, just can't though. Don't know how to describe it. Do any other women have this same problem? I feel bad that H has to make first move all the time.

Will I ever get it back? What can I do? Is there something out there that I can take?

[portableversion]

You could take 'testosterone' (and only irresponsible MD's do that) get a higher sex drive, but also facial hair, a lower voice, aggression and a sex drive that would drive you crazy. How often do you acutally have sex?

 

Everyone is different, and contrary to what the Pop Marriage Counseling Establishment says, a 'low sex drive' (as if a high one is any better!) means a different hormonal make up than the next person. NOthing more, nothing less.

 

If you were single, would your sex drive be a 'problem' worth taking dangerous drugs for? Of course not...it's a only a problem because your husband makes it a problem.

 

Sex, beyond the urge to procreate, is like any past-time or hobby...sometimes you want to indulge it, sometimes you don't.

 

Of course, the PROBLEM is co-existing with a male, who seems to think that a woman should be availiable whenever he wants (and yes, ALL men, even the 'nice' ones think this way!) You could make yourself 'availiable' for him twice a month. I did this the other night myself. I told hubby that i would have sex with him because he does such a great job doing xyz. No, i wasn't the horny woman he'd rather have that night, but it satisfied.

[Scott S]

Will I ever get it back? What can I do? Is there something out there that I can take?

 

Have you consulted with your physician to determine whether there is some underlying medical condition causing this?

[New_Wife]

A couple of thoughts, in no particular order:

 

Have you been evaluated for depression? Sometimes that can wreak havoc on the libido.

 

Are you eating well, excercising, and otherwise taking good care of your body and health? Now I'm not saying you have to be a fitness guru, but you feel stronger, sexier, and just overall better when you're properly fueling and running the machine that is your body.

 

Was the sex good before your drive went down? Did you regularly have orgasms, or was it ho-hum for you?

 

If you are not depressed, have no medical conditions causing this drop, are eating and excercising well, and had a good time in the sack before, there are some great products out there to help you along. I've tried some of the Passion Party stuff (namely pure satisfaction gel, but I hear the herbal supplements help quite a bit) and that's been divine. There are a lot of neat items and products in the "lovers" type adult stores that can help get your motor revved.

 

If you're marriage is just lacking in the romance/time alone department (which happens to the best of us with kids), perhaps you could make a date-night, where you get a sitter (or family member) and do not break this night every week. You'll have a chance to reconnect with the hubby, which a lot of times is enough to start the seduction process from the head down.

[Outcast]

Absolutely see a physician. There are good treatments for whatever may be causing your lack of interest - which do NOT include 'taking testosterone' ( ). You used to be interested and now you're not so it's not 'normal' for you and you're not happy. Talk to your physician about this.

[Heavenlyflower9]

Thanks for all the posts!

I was diagnosed with depression last December. Took Zoloft up until May. Stop taking because we moved to Germany and have'nt seen a doctor since. Been doing fine without it. I don't want to continue taking it unless I really need to. I'm not as stressed like I was when we were in Texas.

 

Now I'm a stay at home mom----What I've always wanted! to spend more time with our kids! Some weight has lifted from my shoulders since we've been here. Financially, alot better than we were back home, No more fulltime job and our marriage has improved. At first i thought it was'nt a good idea of moving, but now it's looking better for us.

 

Except for my low sex drive. H and I do it about once a week. I'll check with my GYN Doc. Maybe my birth control could have something to do with it. Don't know! We're still living with my family, so that could be it too. We found an apartment but can move in until Dec. 1st. I CAN'T WAIT!!

 

Get this! Hubby asked me yesterday, " Do you think you would want to more if I was Vin Diesel?" I started laughing. But then I thought, well damn Vin does look good and I probably would'nt turn him down. C´mon.... you know it would never happen...plus it's like a fantasy.

[Outcast]

But then I thought, well damn Vin does look good and I probably would'nt turn him down. C´mon.... you know it would never happen...plus it's like a fantasy.

 

Please don't tell your husband this!

[Heavenlyflower9]

if I had a chance with Jlo or Shakira I would. Now why I can't I say something like that? Not fair

[Scott S]

if I had a chance with Jlo or Shakira I would. Now why I can't I say something like that? Not fair

 

Neither should he have said that!!!

[Melodic]

I'll check with my GYN Doc. Maybe my birth control could have something to do with it. Don't know!

 

Definitely do that. When I was on Ortho-Tricyclen it really messed with my sex drive and gave me crazy mood swings. My fiance and I broke up twice because of it. Just trust me...it wasn't pretty.

 

When I was switched to a different birth control I was much more even tempered and even regained most of my sex drive. Though I'm of the belief that anything that tries to regulate our hormones screws with it one way or another.