smackie9 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) Forgive her? It's your dbag friend that did this and kept doing it. Your friend doesn't know what the word NO or stop means. Your friend is disgusting and disrespectful. Your GF did nothing wrong. She told him no and that should have been enough. YOU on the other hand should have confronted your friend in honor of your GF, but you are a coward and didn't say anything, so she is actually being disrespected twice. I feel bad for her. She wasn't asking for it nor did she cause this. Grrrrrrr this makes me so mad! She needs to know this wasn't her fault. Edited January 10, 2020 by smackie9 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 This is what's known as sexual harassment (and rather severe sexual harassment) and may one day get your guy friend into gobs of trouble if he doesn't wise up. Definitely not cheating on your GFs part. Be sympathetic and supportive with her if she feels some (hopefully mild) emotional trauma from this. Her only "crime" was being friendly with folks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Most cheaters are only sorry if they get caught and that's the only thing they're sorry for-getting caught. She tried to restrain herself, so it should be fine. If anyone was in the wrong, it was him. He can go find his own GF and keep his hands off of yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: You are a guy so you don't understand and never will, the fact women go through this all the time. It can be as simple as some church going pervert that pressed himself into me in a waiting area at a restaurant. It was sickening. I tend to agree in general but I can relate instances like a good friend's wife standing at my (passenger) side of the truck talking to me and purposely rubbing her quite ample breasts up against my arm and smiling while her husband (driving) was talking with someone else on his side. One example of very, very many. If I made a big deal out of that, who do you think would be believed? Was she cheating? IDK, the dry humping in the living room at a party was closer to the boundary perhaps but that's another story. And flashing her tits at me in their trailer decades ago. I told him about that. He just looked puzzled and said it was out of character for her. OK, cool. Is that cheating? IMO, it's how one feels that defines it. If she didn't care about me, just attention and titillation, then no cheating. Fidelity to spouse remained true, the rest was just a fun game women do with sexual allure. They're married, not dead, right? I could go on and on, decades of experiences to relate being that 'safe' guy. Comparatively, this guy's girl was like a freaking saint, drunk and still had some pretty hard boundaries if the recount is accurate, and told him about it to boot. Could be a game, sure, that happens! If she curbs her 'drunk', presuming he makes the request, I'd say she's most likely being sincere and wants the relationship to work. If other, billions more on the planet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 2 hours ago, sadjohnny27 said: She blames herself because she feels like she should’ve removed herself from the situation immediately and regrets not doing it. She feels that she should share some of the blame because she didn’t act right away and she wishes he never kissed her and feels that she won’t be forgiven for it happening for literally 2-3 seconds then she turned around and walked upstairs Said most victims. Your gf is saying things a lot of women say after being harassed or raped. I should have left, I should have dressed differently, I shouldn't have smiled at him, etc. Your gf did not react immediately because she was too drunk. Alcohol took away her better judgement, her alertness, and her reflexes and this guy took full advantage of it. The blame is 100% on him. A few things need to happen here: 1. You make every common female friends aware of his behavior 2. You block him 3. You and your girlfriend stop getting stupid drunk. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoNight Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Seriously? This would be your girlfriend's fault why exactly? You should be kicking your friends *** for assaulting your girlfriend. If you saw him doing the same thing to another woman, one would hope that you would you stop him. He is a predator waiting for a victim to come along. You might want to consider finding a friend who won't assault your girlfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadjohnny27 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: Forgive her? It's your dbag friend that did this and kept doing it. Your friend doesn't know what the word NO or stop means. Your friend is disgusting and disrespectful. Your GF did nothing wrong. She told him no and that should have been enough. YOU on the other hand should have confronted your friend in honor of your GF, but you are a coward and didn't say anything, so she is actually being disrespected twice. I feel bad for her. She wasn't asking for it nor did she cause this. Grrrrrrr this makes me so mad! She needs to know this wasn't her fault. i understand what your saying but if she did nothing wrong then why did she not leave after he pulled out his dick and why did he even kiss her and she didn’t pull away right away? it’s just so confusing and she didn’t tell me right away she told me at the next most appropriate time, not right after it happened Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 She didn't leave because she was frozen in shock. You aren't expecting somebody to do that! When she didn't immediately bolt your jerky friend took that as consent & kissed her. She told you as soon as she wrapped her head around it. Because she had been drinking & she still thinks this is her fault, she feared that you wouldn't believe her. So she waited until she was sober. In police work, it's called a fresh complaint. As long as it was within a reasonable time it's all good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadjohnny27 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 this has actually been so helpful and made me feel so much better about the situation. Should i show my girlfriend this post or just keep it to myself? everything feels like it’s going back to normal all because of everyone’s help. Never thought this post would actually help 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Show it to her. She could use some propping up. You did good by taking her side. Just continue to help her have the courage not to let this guy do to other women what he tried to do to her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 It might help her to hear some other folks' perspectives on it. She will probably get that from her friends eventually even if you don't. There's no right answer, but it probably won't hurt. Up to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadjohnny27 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 22 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: She didn't leave because she was frozen in shock. You aren't expecting somebody to do that! When she didn't immediately bolt your jerky friend took that as consent & kissed her. She told you as soon as she wrapped her head around it. Because she had been drinking & she still thinks this is her fault, she feared that you wouldn't believe her. So she waited until she was sober. In police work, it's called a fresh complaint. As long as it was within a reasonable time it's all good. True true your right. When we first talked about it I asked her if she felt like she cheated on me and she said no she just feels like she made a bad mistake. Is that a good thing or bad thing? and should i tell my friends about what happened. She doesn’t want me to because she thinks they won’t like her anymore and wont believe that she didn’t lead him on or do anything to make him believe he could do that Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) No don't tell your friends BUT DO confront this jerk about it. You should be giving him a piece of your mind. It's none of their business, this is between the 3 of you. Edited January 10, 2020 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadjohnny27 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 Just now, smackie9 said: No don't tell your friends BUT DO confront this jerk about it. You should be giving him a piece of your mind. and then what do i say when he just responds with “oh well if she didn’t want it she would’ve left after i pulled my dick out” or “she would’ve stopped me from kissing her right away” like i want to confront him but like my girlfriend already told the girl he was trying to get back together with what happened and she doesn’t talk to him anymore. do you think that’s enough or i should confront him? i just don’t see what i would gain from confronting him Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 You confront him so you will know he knows that you know he's a cad. Then you avoid him & never leave another GF alone with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, carhill said: I tend to agree in general but I can relate instances like a good friend's wife standing at my (passenger) side of the truck talking to me and purposely rubbing her quite ample breasts up against my arm and smiling while her husband (driving) was talking with someone else on his side. The girl can't be compared because guys haven't lined up to warn her BF that she was making sexual advances on them. It's a year and 3 months without incident....I'm going to take a guess she's not the type. Sure there are some women out there that have a habit of making sexual advances...but that would be the 1% of the female population. I'm stating the reality that 99% of the female population will have some to many unwanted sexual advances in their lifetime. Guys just don't know it or get it....it's something we deal with everyday. We always have to think about our safety, not just on the street but even in the workplace, and our homes....places you would think we can feel safe. I myself have had many experiences, and some even recently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 10 minutes ago, sadjohnny27 said: and then what do i say when he just responds with “oh well if she didn’t want it she would’ve left after i pulled my dick out” or “she would’ve stopped me from kissing her right away” There are probably exceptions, but women generally have much less interest in seeing guys dicks than guys think they do. As noted she was probably in shock. Honestly, HE'S the guy with explaining to do as he's the one who's done stuff that could possibly get him arrested. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 2 minutes ago, mark clemson said: women generally have much less interest in seeing guys dicks than guys think they do Words to live by. 🙂 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadjohnny27 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 so most likely since this guy is a liar and is known to be very manipulative he would lie to my friends and tell them that she came onto him which is not the case. If that happens should i tell my friends exactly what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 no. this shouldn't even be a question. it's like saying, a girl forced a kiss on you, and you told ur gf about it, and she asked her friends if it was cheating. it is NOT. give each other some grace and love... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Just ignore whatever comes out of his mouth. He's already shown why kind of person he is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 2 hours ago, sadjohnny27 said: so most likely since this guy is a liar and is known to be very manipulative he would lie to my friends and tell them that she came onto him which is not the case. If that happens should i tell my friends exactly what happened? This 'cheating or not' is between you and your girlfriend and not anyone else's business. You work out your boundaries and communication between the two of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadjohnny27 Posted January 11, 2020 Author Share Posted January 11, 2020 So i’m supposed to be going out to the bar tonight with my friends but I just found out he’s going. This isn’t fair to me because now i don’t wanna go cause he’s the last person i want to see and he gets to go have fun with my friends. it sucks, anyone have any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Go out with your GF instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 1 hour ago, sadjohnny27 said: So i’m supposed to be going out to the bar tonight with my friends but I just found out he’s going. This isn’t fair to me because now i don’t wanna go cause he’s the last person i want to see and he gets to go have fun with my friends. it sucks, anyone have any suggestions? This is what happens when you don't confront someone. Now it will look like you were in the wrong or at least that how he will spin it to the rest of the group. He'll just tell them she came on to him. Link to post Share on other sites
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