Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 In my experience anytime a woman won't make a definite date it is best just to count that as a no, and tell her let's just do it another time. So this girl called me yesterday, and we met up briefly yesterday at her request. She was very flirty, touchy and the conversation flowed. She said "It's been a while since we've been out"...So I ask her what day is best for her Thursday or Friday? Her: Let me see Me: It sounds like you might have something going on, let's try again after you get back. (She's going to be out of town Monday-Friday next week) Her: No...Let me see Me: I think it would just be better if we just wait Her: No, I have to cut my neighbors hair, I was supposed to cut it last night but I didn't get to it. He coaches basketball and I don't know if his game is Thursday night or Friday night. Me: ....... Her: Let me see.. Is there ever an exception to "Let me see" type of response? Most of the time if a woman isn't interested she will just go with the "yeah, lets just do it another time" in my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 "it seems to me that maybe, pretty much always means no" 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 'Let me see' sounds like the start of her planning. Did you allow her time to think it through before jumping in? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderlust2018 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Sounds like a lot of non committal run around to me. You’ve expressed your interest and it seems that she’s not biting. Don’t say anything more whatsoever and let her play her cards if she chooses to. She didn’t offer an alternative day/date but rather; a lame excuse about cutting someone’s hair and not knowing their schedule. Major red flag. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ambereyes Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Wow I really dont understand most people here. Why so harsh? Do you never need to check your schedule when planning something? And if your boss tells you he needs to check schedule, do you say "you cant make it. lets cancel"? I bet not. So why so harsh on her? She already told you she will check if the hair cut is thursday or friday, and sounds like she will see you the other day. Just let her check for Christ Sake. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) What’s the appeal of going on a date with someone you’re already having a quasi argument with... before you’ve even made it to a first date? Edited January 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 2 hours ago, Ambereyes said: Wow I really dont understand most people here. Why so harsh? Do you never need to check your schedule when planning something? And if your boss tells you he needs to check schedule, do you say "you cant make it. lets cancel"? I bet not. So why so harsh on her? She already told you she will check if the hair cut is thursday or friday, and sounds like she will see you the other day. Just let her check for Christ Sake. I’m not jumping her, I’m just wanting opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 52 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: What’s the appeal of going on a date with someone you’re already having a quasi argument with... before you’ve even made it to a first date? I never said it was our first date. We’ve been talking/dating for a little while. And have been on plenty of dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 2 hours ago, Wanderlust2018 said: Sounds like a lot of non committal run around to me. You’ve expressed your interest and it seems that she’s not biting. Don’t say anything more whatsoever and let her play her cards if she chooses to. She didn’t offer an alternative day/date but rather; a lame excuse about cutting someone’s hair and not knowing their schedule. Major red flag. We’ve hooked up before, so she knows my interest. And that’s her job, I’m not getting butthurt about the excuse just wondering about the proper way to take “let me see” and follow up. I didn’t talk to her today because I was waiting on her to let me see.... she text me around 8pm with a screenshot about something we joked/talked about yesterday. 2nd day in a row she’s initiated contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 4 hours ago, Ambereyes said: Wow I really dont understand most people here. Why so harsh? Do you never need to check your schedule when planning something? And if your boss tells you he needs to check schedule, do you say "you cant make it. lets cancel"? I bet not. So why so harsh on her? She already told you she will check if the hair cut is thursday or friday, and sounds like she will see you the other day. Just let her check for Christ Sake. I totally understand what you mean! In normal situation people wouldn't be that harsh but we forget to take people's opinion with a pinch of salt here as it's online. OP I don't see a MAJOR red flag here. Small amber one at best. Let her sort things out and then see what happens. Why assume the worst? I can see why the multiple 'let me see' would be frustrating. Simply don't let her. 8 hours ago, Bobbyb82 said: Me: It sounds like you might have something going on, let's try again after you get back. (She's going to be out of town Monday-Friday next week) Instead of this, just tell her you know she's busy so let's do it on Thursday <insert date>. Simple. By responding so vaguely you might invite more of those "let me see" responses... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 She definitely sounds very interested in you. Don't write her of yet because she actually sounds genuine. Go with the flow and wait and see if she contacts you about which day she is free. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 6 hours ago, Ambereyes said: Do you never need to check your schedule when planning something? It's true. I have to think carefully about it for me, or I over schedule then end up messing people about with cancellations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 4 hours ago, Bobbyb82 said: We’ve been talking/dating for a little while. And have been on plenty of dates. Then to answer your original question I am guessing she sees you as non-committal not the other way around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 I have a rule about dating. As I man, I will pursue but not chase. It's impossible to judge how much pursuit is required here without being in on the conversation and its tone. But generally, if you get the feeling that you are overly invested compared to her, you should probably slow down (not pull back). So if that's how you feel and why you came here to ask opinions, then you probably are more invested that she is currently. That might always be the case, so slow down, let her get back to you, and then decide. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 "let me see"... she's making you a priority by looking thru her schedule to make it work... fool. duh. yeah, i'm laughing at you. but i'm happy for you. hope it works out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 58 minutes ago, lurker74 said: I have a rule about dating. As I man, I will pursue but not chase. It's impossible to judge how much pursuit is required here without being in on the conversation and its tone. But generally, if you get the feeling that you are overly invested compared to her, you should probably slow down (not pull back). So if that's how you feel and why you came here to ask opinions, then you probably are more invested that she is currently. That might always be the case, so slow down, let her get back to you, and then decide. Nah, I know that is not the case. She's reached out to me the last several times. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 25 minutes ago, Bobbyb82 said: Nah, I know that is not the case. She's reached out to me the last several times. 'Go with the flow' then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 4 hours ago, Ellener said: Then to answer your original question I am guessing she sees you as non-committal not the other way around. I think that is very possible, thanks. 46 minutes ago, Ellener said: 'Go with the flow' then. That's the plan. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 (edited) Oops. I somehow missed the whole first paragraph where you explained that, sorry. The history you guys have changes things drastically. Seems like some game playing on both ends, so it’s a bit different from the “maybe” or “we’ll see” you get from someone who is just afraid to say a hard no. It’s difficult to know intent Edited January 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbyb82 Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Oops. I somehow missed the whole first paragraph where you explained that, sorry. The history you guys have changes things drastically. Seems like some game playing on both ends I think that is accurate.. I talked to her this morning, and we have a date set for tonight. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 You know, if things are good but not good enough, it's worth taking a step back. Because the person you want to spend your life with- well, it's important you can do that. I am very lucky to be able to be a passionate person and have friends tell me yes, no, maybe.... Have a good night and remember- it's what happens in the moment is what counts xox Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 On 1/9/2020 at 7:35 PM, Bobbyb82 said: So I ask her what day is best for her Thursday or Friday? Her: Let me see Me: It sounds like you might have something going on, let's try again after you get back. (She's going to be out of town Monday-Friday next week) Her: No...Let me see Me: I think it would just be better if we just wait Hard to tell but based on your lines above, you VOLUNTEERED to postpone the date, you SUGGESTED that she postpone the planning for a date ... She didn't tell you the rest of the story. I've done this ... and it's a terrible move. Ask the question. Then silence--allow the person to fully answer. You seem to step all over her answer. What you want to do instead, is simply listen. My guess: had you just stayed silent and allowed her to answer the question, you would be able to tell if this was a blowoff or not. Let me see can indeed be a dismissal. Or let me see can be an honest response of someone who knows they've got several things going on ... none totally settled ... and so they need to think about their schedule. I have a friend who just days ago, asked "hey can we get together for coffee on Saturday morning." This is one of my favorite people. My answer: let me see. I knew I had several things going on over the weekend, and I wanted to look at my calendar ... and more important, I wanted to take a moment to think about what I may have left off my calendar ... before committing to the specific time. A day later I told my friend that Saturday coffee is fine. Questions: did she complete her thoughts and say ... I'm not sure about Friday ... but maybe Saturday could work? ... Did she seem to have multiple items up in the air? If so, I don't see this as a blowoff. A blowoff is usually a firm, "I'll have to see." Pause. Silence. No elaboration, no explanation of events up in the air. In case, stop volunteering and suggesting that the person postpone the date. If you get no, then it's a no. Don't suggest a no. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 I suggest you just "wait and see". You've put the ball in her court and now you can see if she comes through with plans. Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) i hate let me see or ill let you know and maybe type of answers just dont have your hopes up but with that in mind you let her do the work now suggest a day and if she not available she can come to you ,never chase Edited January 12, 2020 by hercules22 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 It means that she doesn't know which day yet. She will check and get back to you. Don't write yourself off, be confident. Link to post Share on other sites
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